Visiting Family

[WhirringSounds]

I've noticed a lot lately that I am the one who visits family. This has always been the case but I suppose I'm only just thinking about it more.

My mum, siblings, Gran and nephews/nieces (only one is an adult in their 30's) etc.
In the 10+ years I've lived in my own house, I've had family visit me less than a handful of times. And normally it's me who picks them up and brings them to my house. Including my mum who lives just a 10 min car journey away.
If I didn't go to visit family members, I'd probably never see them, ever!

Over the next couple of days I'm doing the rounds of visiting and dropping off presents etc. Most will also give a present back but one relative I always give Birthday and Christmas presents to them and their partner, and I never receive one back or even get a thank you most of the time. (It's not a money issue as they're both on really good money).

I also feel sad because I've had some really awful times over the last few years (several pregnancy losses) and I haven't even heard from half the family. Not a word from siblings. Not even 'I'm sorry for your loss'. Nothing. I know some might find it hard to say something but to hear nothing?

The family member who never returns presents or says thank you actually sent me a message when I had my last miscarriage - one message saying sorry this has happened, and then another one a few hours later having a go at me for 'not inviting' them out for a meal I went to with my mum and siblings. Which was just bizarre as they never come out with us. I still feel annoyed about this.

I don't know why I'm posting here. I just feel sad about it. I don't want to seem like I'm moaning. I just feel sad about it.

I'd stop buying pressies for anyone Who doesn't buy them for you.

I'd also stop making so much effort. Focus on your friends and people who give you something back, who you have a more equal relationship with.

Just because they're family doesn't mean you all have to get on, sadly.

Try to fill your life with people who make it better.

Stop making so much effort for people who don’t make it back

Over the next couple of days I'm doing the rounds of visiting and dropping off presents etc.

Stop doing it.

I think it is because they're family I continue to do this. My DP has said they don't want us buying presents for some family members due to us always making the effort etc and having nothing in return.
It's taken me a really long time to stop doing all what I used to. I really used to go above and beyond to do all kinds of favours, buying things, paying for meals out etc. I know this was taken advantage of but didn't realise at the time.
It took me a while to stop doing this. If I didn't visit anyone over Christmas, they wouldn't come to me and I wouldn't see them.

The ones I've arranged to see today, I will still do. But I think I need to look at managing this differently going forward.

I'm very sorry for your losses. People often don't mention it, because it makes them uncomfortable.

Like previous posters said, stop making an effort when noone esle makes it. Just because you're family, it doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to get them presents and see them.

Family is who you make it. I make far more effort for our close friends than most of our family. Don't feel so guilty and obliged just because they're family! Also I can't believe the cheek of the couple who always receive presents from you in person too and never reciprocate!! Wtf Is that all about. Go no contact with them they sound absolutely vile. Sack off the rest of them too, wait and see when/if they contact you first.

What do they say when you hand over and they have nothing in return? Isn't it awkward? Are you a lot older and there is still a kind of adult-child gift giving dynamic going on?

@WulyJmpr

What do they say when you hand over and they have nothing in return? Isn't it awkward? Are you a lot older and there is still a kind of adult-child gift giving dynamic going on?

I'm mid 30's. They're early 30s. They will just take the gift and say nothing. Like nothing at all. Just take it and put it to the side. They don't look particularly awkward or bothered at all.

You are being taken for granted as kind people too often are x

I am surprised the rude tight fisted couple are in their early 30s. I was going to assume it was a Maggie Smith type character from Downton. Fancy complaining about not being invited to a dinner you wouldn't have attended - after what you had been through. Why are you visiting? And why give them gifts? They are rude. STOP.