To want to know what my toddler has done at nursery?

[NellieEllieKelly]

It’s a lovely nursery, no complaints BUT they often forget to update the app which tells me what he’s eaten and how much sleep he’s had, bottles and nappies.

I feel like That Parent every time I have to chase it. Tonight I’ve no clue what he’s eaten during the day and I do find it makes evenings a bit stressful.

YANBU. My DS is 3 so at preschool but isn't talking that well yet and he's struggling to settle so I worry if they don't give me a little update of a photo of him playing. If they don't find the time to put something on the app, which is understandable from time to time, I always ask at pick up. They never seem to mind and just tell me but maybe they hate me really🤷‍♀️I'd rather be that parent than not know.

At 12 months presumably there's a bottle/milk before bed anyway.

Offer a snack when he's home, toast/banana etc plus milk is fine.

My kids aren't all school age. I've never had this level of info from any childcare including relatives. I think your expectations are very high.

We get a brief handover at pick up - what was for lunch, how well she ate, a rough idea of nap time. That’s always seemed fine. We get pics of activities online.
I’ve never felt like I needed to know how many nappy changes there were - they tell me if there’s an issue there eg nappy rash, so I don’t see why I’d need to know x number of wet nappies.

My 15 month old is in nursery - they do a booklet that says what she's eaten and how much (a score out of 10), times of nappy changes, times of naps and a few activities she's done that day and sometimes a few printed photos.

They did stop doing this at 12 months but I requested they continue because IMO she's still a baby and like you say, they can't tell you! I would just outright ask them to make more of an effort!

YANBU at all!! We have a little paper form given to us at the end of everyday with poos/wees/meals/sleeps.

It really helps me decide whether to give him a frozen meal I’ve cooked for him or something like fruit/crumpets.

I'd at the very least expect to know what they were given for lunch and tea and how much they ate, plus length of nap. At our nursery they write it on a board with all the kids' names on and take a pic to upload.

We also get lots of lovely pictures and a written report of what they've been doing each day. It's so great to see how much fun they've been having! Would take 10 mins to do so I'm not sure how that's not achievable for most nurseries.

Every nursery we visited offered it as standard so I’m not convinced about that.

I mean if you don’t mind that’s fair enough - really what I’m asking is not about whether I’m at fault or not.

YABU

You just need a verbal handover of things that may be issues e.g. didn't nap, refused to eat carrots.

Then an idea of whether he had a good day especially if his clothes are still clean.

Writing things down takes a lot of time they should be spending giving attention to your child.

Don’t feel embarrassed about asking something that is important to you. Do you get to speak to the key worker when you pick your child up? I ask every evening when I pick daughter up and they are also happy to tell me in detail.

Verbal handover is fine if the person who hands me my child has been with him all day but this isn’t usually the case.

Do the key workers make you feel like your a nuisance when you ask them as I don’t understand why you would feel embarrassed ? At my daughters nursery this is an standard question they expect to asked. If you are not happy with the communication I would have a polite word with head office

Oh I see..

No, never. The problem is it’s just very hit and miss whether it comes through or not and while I do phone to check sometimes they have gone home (which is fair enough if there are no children there.)

I mean, the main thing is he is well cared for but he’s there five days a week and given he doesn’t sleep very well at night I would like a pattern of his eating and sleeping during the day.

If what was on offer was ‘we tell parents at pick up’ that would be totally fair enough, but it isn’t.

Would take 10 mins to do so I'm not sure how that's not achievable for most nurseries.

The thing is, ten minutes x number of children in nursery = hours. That time gives nothing to the children. It gives parents a warm, fuzzy feeling and is great at creating positive relationships, and for more challenging children can be a godsend for parents to know about food/naps etc. They should be doing a learning story/journal in any case that you can look at so you know the kind of things they have been doing and how they are progressing, so ask to see that. But as they take hours on end, don't expect them to be up to date. They'll be updated after sessions, at weekends, during holidays.

But ultimately, ten mins writing a v brief account of the day in every child's book will not benefit the child in any way during that session.

A decent handover is more useful, imo.

Sounds like your nursery uses the same app as my DDs. She started at 10 months which I think was only a while after the app was introduced.
I sometimes let the staff know when updates have been inconsistent. My DD is not a great eater too so I like to know.
There has also been a day where photos of other children were uploaded but none of my child. I definitely told the staff that day.
I don't feel you're being unreasonable to ask at least times and amounts of food/milk/naps!

YANBU.

My son's nursery sometimes don't update the app and sometimes they do, but at pick up they tell me something completely different. Like on the app it'll say he ate 30% of his dinner 70% of his snacks and had 2 wet nappies but I'll get to pick him up and they'll say he ate all his dinner, didn't touch snacks cos he's not keen on chopped peppers and had 4 dirty nappies.

The person on the app is usually different to the person who hands him back over too so I never know what to believe.

My ds went to a fairly small nursery at first and we got updates every day - 7am ate X, 11-2 sleep, 2-3 garden, and we'd generally get at least one picture. He is 2.5 now and his new nursery only use the app for observations, but we get a fairly decent: he ate all of his dinner, slept an hour, enjoyed the garden and read some books. My dd is in the baby room and we get the A5 sheet mentioned by others, with a two sentence summary of her day, plus her bottle, sleep and nappy times.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable. Our nursery doesn’t have an app (which absolutely fine by me) but they do a verbal handover at the door - sleep times, food, anything else you want to know.

The fact is, most parents do need some feedback, particularly for under 3s and particularly on sleeping and eating. I don’t think it matters how that feedback is delivered, but if your nursery doesn’t give verbal handovers and has elected to use an app, then they need to put the information on the app.

I completely agree with you. My twins are at nursery and portal tells me what they had to eat and how much. It’s definitely helpful for me to know how much they had, especially on their full day and the last meal so I can plan accordingly for bedtime. It impacts the whole bed time and sleep if for example either only had a few spoons or didn’t nap and I didn’t know. I don’t want to overfed either , they are still babies x

If he looks healthy and seems happy, developing well then he’s fine.

Our nursery does paper reports for children under 2 and a verbal report for over 2s. I would ask at pick up time about meals and sleep.

A general update is enough - she ate 2 meals and slept 2 hours. With a ratio of 1:3 I would rather the baby room staff spend their time looking after my child rather than admin. Also not all nursery staff are that tech savvy.

Op I used a childminder and I literally had zero clue what happened all day. There was no updating no handover. Just a lovely woman handing over my baby or toddler saying oh we had a great day today! Not for everyone I know but I preferred it that way. I just knew my babies had been loved and had a great time and didn't want to micro.manage their carer