Vile brother and SIL

[whowhatwhen]

We (me, DH and DS3) are going to my parents for Christmas Day, my brother, SIL and their little ones will join for Boxing Day.

They (bro and SIL) have had the most horrific row with my parents and said/messaged some truly disgusting, vitriolic, offensive and hurtful things. They are the type of people that you can't have a sensible convo with, if you don't agree with them then shut down or try and shout you down until you do. No ability to have a sensible debate. Quite frankly, it must be exhausting hating people as much as they appear to.

To keep the peace my parents have sent a grovelling 'apology' over WhatsApp, bro and SIL won't engage in person and it's the only thing that would have smoothed it over.

We all have to now act like normal on Boxing Day. AIBU to not want to play happy families and smile superficially at them when they clearly hate my parents (and me and DH but that's a much longer story!).

How do you even get through to people like this? Live and let live/agree to disagree are not part of their lives.

@Grimchmas - enjoy supporting your pants
funniest typo in a while

@ThinWomansBrain

It's a mutual thing. My pants support me, I support them

Love the typo @Grimchmas

I'd stay to support your parents and at the mere hint of bullshit, I'd wipe the floor with brother and SIL!!

Tell your brother/sil to wind his/her fucking neck in and grow the fuck up.

Once one of you stands up to them and puts them in their place the rest will soon follow.

Was there an issue with emotional trauma/neglect in your childhood? Your brother sounds like an externaliser and you an internaliser.

Why have your parents apologised when it sounds like it wasn’t their fault? Is your brother a total narc?

You need to buy each a backbone for Xmas.

If they have form for doing this, and people have form for grovelling to them - when on earth are you (especially your parents) going to get the message - IT DOESNT RUDDY WELL WORK! Take you leave when YOU want to and stuff the lot of them.

Thanks all. DH and I are already down to v low contact for a lot of the reasons you've all called out.

It's my poor parents that I feel for, bro and SIL use my parents access to their grandchildren and a weapon, so if my parents don't tow the line, they aren't allowed to see them. It's breaking their hearts.

My SIL has a known anger management issue (as do her parents and siblings), she also has a massive chip on her shoulder about my side of the fam. We are relatively well off (although my DH grew up in a family will less than hers, but she doesn't see that, she just sees what we all have now). These are just a couple of underlying things.

For DH, DS and I, we will just continue to be v low contact and civil/superficial when needed to support my parents.

God I'm going to need to bite my tongue on Boxing Day or WWbillion will break out 🤣😬.

I would stay for your parents and help kick them out if they start. Help your parents build boundaries, if their son is a dick they don't need to put up with it.

Oh your poor parents. I'd stay just so you can support them to be honest.
Can you have a different arrangement next year?

Or.... Don't bite your tongue....just a thought!

Maybe try something new and fight fire with fire tell them how you feel

Stay, support your parents. It's really, really hard to do, but try to keep the peace over Christmas, for your parents' sake. Just keep telling yourself: not my circus, not my monkeys, I will not engage in the DB/SIL shitshow pantomime.

Also: gin (if you drink) or tea (if you don't).

I would karate chop them in the throat on my way to the car.

I would get through the boxing day meal to support your parents. I think I would be pretty pissed off if I was your in laws if you fucked off beforehand causing more drama.