Would you be fine with being away from your teenager on Christmas Day & Eve?

[Christmaspuddingmayhem]

I'm just wondering about this. AIBU to wonder if this was a slightly odd thing to do?

I grew up with extended family not my parents. My mum at some point stopped coming on Christmas itself and came on Boxing Day. I think because her new husband and my little sisters wanted Christmas in their own home a few hours drive away. Fair enough tbh.

Can't remember if I was actually invited but don't think so?

I just feel a bit odd about it. I missed them and was a bit disappointed when they stopped coming for actual Christmas but couldn't really say anything.

Well, sounds like the extended family who brought you up are your real family iykwim so I'd just think if it that way. Nothings standard or normal really. Its just whats normal for you. She's biologically linked and obvs cares for u to be in touch but the ones your closest too prob care for you a lot more as they know you most. Don't dwell it on it. Be glad you're loved. It's one day and too much emphasis is placed on it.

Where was your dad? Did you see him at all?
He was equally as responsible for you.

@RhubarbCustardy

Well, sounds like the extended family who brought you up are your real family iykwim so I'd just think if it that way. Nothings standard or normal really. Its just whats normal for you. She's biologically linked and obvs cares for u to be in touch but the ones your closest too prob care for you a lot more as they know you most. Don't dwell it on it. Be glad you're loved. It's one day and too much emphasis is placed on it.

Sorry, this has upset me a bit, she's not just 'biologically linked'.

It's really not that easy to shrug off and say oh that was just what was normal for me. Not easy at all.

The people who brought me up are dead now, and I feel like a third wheel and just not able to brush it off and reconcile myself to the strange place I occupy within my family.

I am glad I'm loved, yes, but it's a complex picture when people's behaviour communicates thoughtlessness.

Christmas is shit for so many people. It really dredges up bad memories, grief and trauma. Not to mention the impact of poverty, poor housing and abuse being amplified by the expectation of Christmas being "perfect". It's such a stressful time of year and tbh I despise the mumsnet threads that refer to it as "magical", stuff like that just hammers home the inequality.

I hope you manage to get some peace OP and have better Christmases to come.

That’s awful: your parents chose not to bring you up, then your mum treated her second family very differently and didn’t invite you, didn’t even make a bed for you etc. Not OK.

@cptartapp

Where was your dad? Did you see him at all? He was equally as responsible for you.

I did not meet my dad until I was a teenager. He didn't really want to know me and kept cancelling then so I eventually stopped trying.

Yes, he was absolutely equally responsible but I didn't have any relationship with him so never actually missed him as an individual, so it didn't really hurt - I definitely missed out on having a dad, though.

If you can’t ‘brush it off’ that’s entirely understandable.

Oh OP.

Of course you can't brush that off. She's your mum. How deeply hurtful and unloving of her, and symbolic of how she has treated you throughout life - no wonder you are upset. I'm just a stranger on the internet and I'm angry on your behalf.

Have you ever had therapy or talked it over with someone?

I had some counselling, but it made me feel worse. Is there a type of therapy that could help with this kind of situation?

I just feel confused about a lot of it, and it makes me tired. I just feel IABU and then guilty but not sure I'm actually unreasonable.