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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel Christmas?

19 replies

user313213521 · 23/12/2021 15:24

No kids involved by the way.

Welsh restrictions / lockdown announcements have seriously impacted me - I run an events business and public events have just been banned. It's looking like I'll get a grand total of £500 in "support" (that doesn't even cover one month's overheads) and will have no way to pay my rent or buy food etc. It's looking like a third year of general awfulness. I've spent most of the last 24 hours crying.

My parents were due to come for Christmas. I reached out to them for a bit of emotional support early this morning by email, and the only response I've had back is asking if I've got enough oil and fridge space.

After two recent bereavements I was already not feeling particularly festive.

WIBU to just tell them not to bother coming and spend it alone?

OP posts:

Treaclepie19 · 23/12/2021 18:16

I'm sorry :(
Are they likely to be supportive when they get to you?

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 23/12/2021 18:19

Are they bringing food? Is that why they're asking about fridge space?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 23/12/2021 18:19

What will they bring with them?

Not just in terms of stuff, but love, positivity, emotional and practical support?

The answer to that will be what swings it for me.

Original poster

user313213521 · 23/12/2021 21:59

The meat eater is bringing meat, hence the request for fridge space. I don't eat meat so said they could provide their own.

I've got all the veg etc in.

Did I mention the parents are divorced and will probably snipe at each other during dinner? Unfortunately for each it's a case of spend it with each other or no one. One isn't a dog person and will complain about my dog (the other adores him, so there's no putting him in another room, plus it's the dog's house anyway). There will probably be some sniping at me for housekeeping or something.

Fun all round.

OP posts:

Fendidntdrake · 23/12/2021 22:09

I'm so sorry you are having such an awful time.

SpellBounds · 23/12/2021 22:26

YANBU and ask them for some financial help since they don't sound that nice anyway. They can only say no I guess.

Justmuddlingalong · 23/12/2021 22:28

If they won't bring calming support, sympathy and understanding, I'd cancel and leave them to snipe at each other elsewhere. 💐

FriedTomatoe · 23/12/2021 22:31

I don't think you'd be unreasonable but that's probably because I'm projecting my own Christmas Grinch on to you. I think you should do what will make you happy as opposed to what will make everyone else happy. Life's too short.

WabbitsAndWeasels · 23/12/2021 22:37

Is there someone else you could spend Christmas with, even just for dinner or a couple of hours after so the dog isn't alone for too long? Any friends in a similar position or a close friend and their family who you'd be comfortable to join? I'm sure no one wants you to spend Christmas alone if you don't want to. You could offer up the veg you already have for anyone going shopping tomorrow.

I think I'd feel very deflated about them coming in your situation and would be tempted to uninvite them too.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/12/2021 22:37

Bollocks to it - I'd develop Covid in your shoes

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/12/2021 22:37

Sorry you are having such a shit time

pinkstripeycat · 23/12/2021 22:53

No help for the self employed. I can’t even get the grant from my local council after I had to isolate for 10 days after catching covid. If i catch it again I won’t be isolating as I can’t afford to live anymore. On the verge of losing our home

BringMeTea · 23/12/2021 22:56

Cancel cancel cancel. Take control now.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 23/12/2021 23:01

If they won’t make the situation any better then I’d cancel.
PCR tests are taking a while to come back so should you need to take one tomorrow then you’re not going to be able to host……

MuddlingThrough1724 · 23/12/2021 23:24

I think at a time of stress for you, you are right to put your needs first, and it sounds like what you need is to avoid extra stress and hassle and especially other people sniping with no consideration of your circumstances. Cancel, and do something for you instead. X

Original poster

user313213521 · 24/12/2021 02:06

@pinkstripeycat

Same situation here

I've taken an LFT as the parents insisted but there's no way I'd take a PCR as I couldn't afford the time off work, and I lack faith that I'd get the grant. Even if I could get the grant it wouldn't cover the losses. Self isolation isn't affordable for the likes of you and I.

Sat crying on the phone to DF earlier who tried to tell me that AIBU to be worried about my events business when events have just been banned. According to him I should take antidepressants for anxiety. A charming route of "let's dismiss your verifiable concerns as a mental health issue".

Naturally he won't take no for an answer about not coming around, now he's telling himself I have MH issues, and has keys to my front door so will let himself in (this has always been an emergency thing in case something happened to me and the dog needed looking after - which has happened once before, before anyone says I have no boundaries).

Someone send please

OP posts:

GrannyBattleaxe · 24/12/2021 05:23

I understand all the stresses you are under, and really do sympathise, however I would say that you may regret it if you cancel…the brutal truth is life is short and you may spend a lot of Christmases missing your parents in future, I’d do anything to have one with mine even though I had a very difficult relationship with my mother. She would have been super matter of fact and talked practicalities like fridge space and oil too, and I’d have felt misunderstood and not cared for a wee bit, but god I miss her. Could you set firm boundaries instead? No sniping etc? The fact you all get together even with them divorced surely means you all do care? Don’t take that for granted and cancel so near, but maybe think about changing the dynamics moving forward.

CrisisManagement · 24/12/2021 05:46

I'm so sorry for all of what you are going through OP.
It will get better. Maybe not tomorrow, but it will.
Don't be afraid to spell it out to your parents that you need support - financial and emotional and anything else you need.
Here's hoping for a better 2022 for you

WouldBeGood · 24/12/2021 05:59

Oh @user313213521 what a horrible time you’re having.

How are you with your own company? If you’d be ok with it then maybe it round be better to snuggle up at home, good book, tv to yourself, bracing dog walk to blow the cobwebs away?

If you do have your folks over then I’d suggest playing annoying relatives bingo: chalk up their most irritating phrases and each time you hear them you can feel a ping of joy that you’re filling your virtual bingo card rather than annoyed or upset 😃 I find it’s an excellent way to detach from the pain if the situation!

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