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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To delete their number!

27 replies

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 11:38

DD FaceTime's family from her iPad mainly grandparents.

MIL & FIL have been a bit funny lately after dh and fil had a little argument nothing major but thought it would wash over apparently not, they haven't sent the kids anything for Christmas even though when we went 2/3 weeks ago they said they had already bought them, haven't been round or even mentioned coming round to see them and half the time MIL ignores DD's call!

AIBU to delete their number after Christmas if they continue like this?

OP posts:

PhoneKeysBook · 23/12/2021 11:53

Clearly there are issues and gripes, you have to decide if you want to maintain contact and the fall out of no contact . Obviously the adult thing would be to sensitively and tactfully explore what’s the issue.however if on balance it’s a toxic relationship, then yes delete the number. It’s a big step though

Sirzy · 23/12/2021 11:55

Let her make her own decision. If she is old enough to make calls via her iPad without a parent planning it in advance she is old work out for herself these things.

If you delete the number you risk making yourself look bad

ThinWomansBrain · 23/12/2021 11:56

if you want to cut contact, block the number

Gargellen · 23/12/2021 12:12

It depends on your relationship with them and what the row was about.

In the case where they literally didn;t get in touch over Christmas, not even to wish you and yours a happy Christmas, I think I would consider going NC though but as I say, it depends on what the row was about.

We are NC with my sister and her DH and kids as they have done genuinely heinous stuff. DH's kids tried to steal a load of money off us so we have nothing to do with them either. Christmas is far better as a result of making the decisions to go NC with them all without a doubt.

THisbackwithavengeance · 23/12/2021 12:23

Why not try talking to them? Actually having a conversation which may or may not be a difficult one. Ask them if there is a problem and how can this be resolved.

It irritates me that the response to every gripe on MN is to "block" people or go NC. So ridiculously childish and unnecessary.

Somebodylikeyew · 23/12/2021 12:25

Well, it’s impossible to say from what you’ve said. Is it possible they’re still hurt from whatever your DH said and he needs to have a conversation with them to sort it out?

Original poster

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 12:44

@THisbackwithavengeance @Somebodylikeyew

Ill give a bit of detail, DH had something done for FIL and FIL had it re done a few months later then said DH never did it in the first place it was more bickering back and forth about this particular thing, so if anyone should be hurt it should be DH which he is but overlooked it for DC sake and Christmas!

Its MIL that is the problem she does stuff like this regularly and goes NC with us probably once every couple of years when she doesn't get what she wants.

OP posts:

hardboiledeggs · 23/12/2021 12:51

They’d be dead to me as soon as they started to bring the kids into it tbh.

Original poster

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 13:04

@hardboiledeggs this is what I mean I feel like they are punishing DD over a minor argument with their son?

OP posts:

PinkSyCo · 23/12/2021 13:08

How old is your DD?

Original poster

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 13:42

@PinkSyCo 6

OP posts:

PomegranateQueen · 23/12/2021 13:48

They’d be dead to me as soon as they started to bring the kids into it tbh.

This

Not giving your 6 year old DGD a Christmas present because of a fall out between adults is a really shitty thing to do.

Somanysocks · 23/12/2021 13:49

@THisbackwithavengeance talks very good sense, build bridges rather than burn them if you can.

ITakeCharge · 23/12/2021 14:20

If DH & FIL have fallen out that is up to them to resolve or not. It is very unreasonable for the 6 y grandchild to be caught up in this. It is just nasty to not get her a Christmas present because of this - if they can't afford to fair enough but if it's due to a row between the adults that's petty. Ignoring her calls is mean too. I would delete their number from the daughter's ipad so that she can't be set up for rejection like this. Calls can be resumed under parental supervision when appropriate. I also wouldn't want her calling them and them actually answering her when they are still not talking to the parents as that also sets her up for being manipulated and caught up in the situation. She's too young to see the game playing and splitting for what it is and should be protected from it.

Original poster

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 16:43

@PomegranateQueen @ITakeCharge they never actually fell out it was just an argument / bickering we all said bye as usual and left!

Iv come to the realisation that I'm trying to always keep things civil with MIL & FIL and my own dad actually for the sake of DC having a relationship with them but in reality none of them put any effort into having a relationship with them, DD always rings them they never ring her, they never come round? Why am I actually bothering to keep in contact with these people

OP posts:

TheMilkyWeigh · 23/12/2021 16:45

How do you know she’s ignoring the calls from your DD? Could she just be busy and unable to answer? Left it on silent by accident and can’t hear it ring so she doesn’t even know she’s calling? Technical issue?

AD80 · 23/12/2021 16:48

That's so sad. They cannot punish their grandchildren for a fall out. I wouldn't delete the number for now but maybe discourage your Dd from ringing if they can't be assed to answer.

We've had something very similar with mil. Dp and her had a fall out but it was probably mr fault being the dil and she wouldn't answer dd's calls for a while!

Original poster

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 17:15

@TheMilkyWeigh she doesn't do anything, maybe goes to the shop 1-2 times a week! Also she never rings her back. Some day's she will ring morning and night and no answer

OP posts:

Original poster

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 17:16

@AD80 it is sad after a few days of her not answering DD will make a comment about it such as does nanny not love me anymore, its horrible!!

OP posts:

ITakeCharge · 23/12/2021 18:14

@AD80 it is sad after a few days of her not answering DD will make a comment about it such as does nanny not love me anymore, its horrible!!

She is 6, that's why I said she shouldn't be set up to be rejected like this. She should not be set up to make calls independently to people who mess her about like this as part of getting back at the parents. If you want to maintain contact you or your husband call MIL and if she answers you fetch your daughter, if she doesn't answer your daughter doesn't need to know. If you don't want to maintain contact you protect your daughter from her anyway and make sure MIL can't call her.

As for why doesn't nanny love me any more - you need a response for that that will not make your daughter think it's her fault, you don't want her self esteem affected by this.

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 23/12/2021 18:46

Tell your daughter a white lie whilst you figure it out, so she doesn’t feel unloved. Take the number off and tell her Nana’s phone broke and she’s waiting for a new one on insurance or something.

Sirzy · 23/12/2021 18:49

Why not talk to your MiL about arranging a time for calls? Tell your DD she can only call anyone with your permission and check with the other person first

If half the time she ignores them then half the time she also answers them.

billy1966 · 23/12/2021 18:50

@hardboiledeggs

They’d be dead to me as soon as they started to bring the kids into it tbh.

This.

I wouldn't tolerate it.

Take away their power and block.

Original poster

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 18:52

@TheViewFromTheCheapSeats I'm going to remove it on Saturday my niece is getting an iPad so they will be able to FaceTime each other and hopefully she won't be as bothered about MIL & FIL!

OP posts:

Original poster

anothermilthread · 23/12/2021 18:54

@Sirzy Shes at school all week so the only time she can ring usually is after school or on weekends

OP posts:

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