To be tired of my house being a mess

[Postyisalwaystired]

I work from home but I work quite long hours, usually 8am-6pm. I have a toddler and my partner doesn’t work. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but we are financially better off this way. My toddler is very easy, sleeps through the night, doesn’t get up until around 8:30am and goes to my mums on a Wednesday afternoon. He was in nursery but the nursery came down with Covid so my partner not working has been a blessing.

My son will nap for an hour around 2pm, and I take him to a toddler group too.

I know I work long hours which I feel guilty about but I make up for it by having lots of cuddles in the evenings and the weekends making sure it’s all about him. I do stop throughout the day for cuddles and play.

My problem is this - my house always ends up a mess by midweek each week. I don’t expect my partner to clean etc while looking after our son but literally nothing gets done. I’ll come in and tidy the sitting room but then see the kitchen is a mess, there’s a tonne of washing that hasn’t been done, we’re just really falling behind. I know it’s my job too and I try to do what I can but AIBU to think it’s not too much to ask for my partner do clean/tidy up when my son isn’t home?

At the moment he just lounges around or naps when my son is at his granny’s or we’re out at a toddler group. If I’m not with my son I’m working, but when he’s not with our son he’s just sitting around watching YouTube on his phone.

Sorry I’m typing this frustrated because we’ve just tried to do the bloody Christmas wrapping and his unenthusiasm and not even helping with cutting the paper or bothering to help has pissed me off!

I know I’m probably overreacting. Just wanted to rant.

Rant over.

OP your messy house is a symptom of the problem. Which is that your partner is taking the complete piss out of you.

He knows exactly what he is doing too.

You’re hoping that your kind words are now ‘understood’. I think we all know that will translate as some angry housework for a few days and then back to the status quo.

I’d love to know how you organise your finances?

Are you just providing free bed & board to a cocklodger?

Pretty much, it seems!

I was feeling lazy until i read this post.

Of course he likes this dynamic - he isn’t doing anything half the time!

I think he is being incredibly lazy. I work full time and my husband works part time. He does all of the laundry (although i might deal with some if I get up first and see it in the machine/dryer), all of the food shopping, all of the cleaning and the school runs. On an evening when he’s at work, I cook and clean up the kitchen and if he’s here he does it (but I usually wash up afterwards then too). We each do one child’s bedtime every night. I’m an early riser so I will often get up and sort out the kids and breakfast. I do most of the admin or ‘research’ and sorting of things like holidays and presents. I think we’re both pretty happy with this. Even working part time and doing almost all of the housework, my husband still gets a bit more free time than me because the housework doesn’t take up all of the time that he’s at home. Admittedly, both of my kids are now school aged so it’s easier, but when I was a stay at home parent before my youngest was at school, I did the household chores. I didn’t always manage to get everything done and prioritised looking after my son, but it was good enough. I think my husband has much higher standards (and is far more bothered by mess and a dirty home) so the house is nicer now that it’s his responsibility. There really needs to be a fairer division in your house.

Research shows that most women, no matter how long the hours of their job are, do the vast majority of housework

I'm a SAHM at the moment and yes, sometimes I use some of my time to rest if I've had a hard night (which we share) with the kids etc. Also, DH has some household tasks he always does. That said, I keep the house clean, do laundry, tidy and all the other household chores either while looking after the kids or while they're at school as that is my job. It is ridiculous that your partner does none of this.

Sorry if I lived with someone who brought in zero income and also didn't keep the place beautifully clean they'd be out the fucking door in no time. You're basically paying for a male escort who does a few hours babysitting.