To feel like I’m not grieving properly?

[FeelingsUnexplained]

My mom died very recently. I was her main carer from the very little things all the way up to being the person that did all her personal care when mom was discharged from the hospital without a care package put in place for a few days. I was the one who was in the meeting when her illness was confirmed terminal and she only had 6 months to live (she lasted 5 weeks) I held her hand as she died and slept on the floor for over a week so that I was with her at all times.

Now she’s passed and it’s been a couple days and I don’t know if I’m grieving “properly” I’m still going around doing my normal daily things but I just feel very flat, I haven’t had a proper sit down and cry about loosing her but have randomly shed a little tear every now and then when either in the car or at the shop. I’m constantly tired and not sleeping properly but expect that’s pretty normal. I expected I’d be an absolute blubbering mess as my mom was my best friend but I’m not. The only irrational thing I’ve done is tear down all the Christmas decorations and put them away. Is this normal? I just can’t tell.

You will grieve in the way that is right for you. What you feel there and then is what it's supposed to be for you. And yes, you may now feel numb. And that feeling may well carry on until the funeral and after.
Nothing that you feel is wrong, it's just your way of dealing with it.
Have a look at the seven stages of grief. You may find it helpful. (You may also feel it doesn't apply to you, but maybe it will in time.)
As young or old that we are, we never really expect to lose a parent, even if we know it will come some time in the future.
My sympathies.

Theres no right way to do it. Everything you see on tv is bollocks.

When youre ready to deal with it it will surface.

My top tip is to listen to Griefcast. Its comedians talking about grief and I find it enormously comforting as they articulate things that I recognise.

First of all, I am sorry you are in this position and so sorry for your loss. You are way too young to be facing this and I feel for you. As others have said there is no right way to grieve, everyone is different and circumstances change the way it goes for you as well.

I am 20 years older than you and lost my mum in Jan after a really awful last year. For the first few months I was just recovering from being so tired from the care she had needed. Then I was emotionally numb from the trauma of the last year. After that I was aware that I was waiting to breakdown but it has not happened yet. However, for the last few months of her life I was beside myself. I feel like by the time she died I had done a lot of the grieving process. It pops up from time to time, and I get upset at times, which will probably happen to you. But whatever you feel and whatever you need is ok - just take your time and be kind to yourself.
Our local hospice does counselling and they have been amazing, so that may be a good place to go to talk about it if you think that would be helpful. Take care.