Reconnecting with ex-boyfriend

[DownyFluff]

Back in the summer, an ex-boyfriend I was with when I was 15 (he was 20) Pm'd me on Facebook, to say hi, how are you. He was widowed back in 2016, and I have been divorced for some time. I am 64, and he is getting on for 70 now. We arranged to meet at a halfway point for lunch, and had a lovely catch up. We did this several times and are in contact via WhatsApp frequently. We have been meeting up, covid regualtions allowing, and he has told me he still loves me and wants us to be together permanently. I am happy with this.

He is the oldest of six from a working-class family. His parents were always really nice to me, especially his mum. A couple of his brothers have police records, and his sister was a school bully, very gobby and unpleasant. When he married, he disowned his family at the request of his wife. He told me this at our last meeting. I wasn't particularly shocked about this, he told me that his parents had passed away within a couple of years of each other, but he refused to attend their funerals. They had never been abusive in any way and loved and cared about him. It must have been so difficult, especially for his mum, to be estranged for all those years.

I think rather less of him now, and feel upset. I think he's been heartless, and if led by his late wife, pretty gutless too.I know that it would have meant seeing his other family, but surely he should have made an effort to go?

I think you need to see this in the whole context of who he is. It was presumably decades ago. I understand why you think less of him but there could be details which make it more understandable and it is a part of who he is. I would continue getting to know him.

You might be wise to think less about his reasons for not wishing to attend his parents' funerals, & a hell of a lot more about why a 70 year old widower has declared undying love for you after a few short meetings.

So many husbands on here get slated for not putting their wife ahead of their family.

Here's one that did. You don't know how they treated her. Maybe it's a positive thing that her put her first.

I’d give someone the benefit of the doubt that they know their family better than 15 year old me does

Yeah I can see why this is a concern for you. But I would want to learn more about it. Perhaps there is more to why he didn’t attend the funerals. Maybe there were fallings out unrelated to the ex wife.

@ChargingBuck

You might be wise to think less about his reasons for not wishing to attend his parents' funerals, & a hell of a lot more about why a 70 year old widower has declared undying love for you after a few short meetings.

Yes. He seems to think he can 'pick up where we left off', which, of course isn't easy, especially with so much water under the bridge. I'm still happy to be with him and see where this goes, if anywhere.

I am sure that there are things I don't know regarding his family, but having had experience of estrangement, I really feel for his mum especially.