Do I leave him or stay?

[namechange123907]

So I'm a new mum to an amazing 5 month old. But ever since I had her, my relationship with my husband has fallen apart.

He's always been a very angry person, and small things will tip him over the edge very quickly. Having our DD has only made this worse and he snaps at me all the time.

I've tried to talk to him about it but it always ends in him shouting and me crying, and him then saying that I always get so upset.

A recent example is that I forgot to take my antidepressants that morning and he told me I was stupid and shouted and said it was my own fault when I started crying.

He's a lovely person in many ways, but he's also very irritable and can be quick to be nasty or blame things on me. Or he'll say things like "why is the baby's drawer such a *** mess" - when it's me that puts the clothes away.

I am very anxious and I think it really grates on him, particularly when I ask him to drive slower or to be careful of the babies head etx. Hell act like I've attacked him and shout back, or freeze me out until i apppogise.

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him - and I know sleep derivation and our lives completely changing hasn't really helped but I feel totally stuck

I don't even really know what I want or need to do, I know if I was reading this from someone else I'd think "why not just leave him" but it's
so much more complicated than that. I want my daughter with me all the time and the thought of having to share custody with him absolutely kills me. We also lots of pets, shared bank accounts and were planning to move to a bigger house.

I'm too scared to tell my family because they all think he's lovely (and he is a wonderful dad) but I really feel stuck. I love my baby so much and can't help but think we'd be better off by ourselves.

Thank you so much if you read all of this.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, I feel so surprised that everyone thinks he's being abusive, I thought I might be told I was being too sensitive.

I raised gently the subject of maybe having some therapy and he told me I was ridiculous and he didn't agree, and that he'd been a lot worse in the past. I really feel even more stuck now he's put such a roadblock in place.

Bloody hell OP. This man is telling you EXACTLY who he is,

RUN!

I really wish women would stop having kids with men who clearly show them what abusive twats they are well beforehand

You said he's a lovely person in many ways. He's not, in my view, hes an arse. I got out of a horrible relationship and it was the best thing I ever did

@alienbaby

I really wish women would stop having kids with men who clearly show them what abusive twats they are well beforehand

this is unhelpful in every way as you're about 14 months too late.

@namechange123907

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, I feel so surprised that everyone thinks he's being abusive, I thought I might be told I was being too sensitive.

I raised gently the subject of maybe having some therapy and he told me I was ridiculous and he didn't agree, and that he'd been a lot worse in the past. I really feel even more stuck now he's put such a roadblock in place.

All I would say is: you're not stuck at all, you can leave. I don't think from the sounds of him you can 'fix' things, so why deal with it any longer? Men leave women every day for FAR smaller/more selfish reasons. Why stay with someone who sounds so horrendous?

Do you work?
What is your housing situation?

He is only likely to get worse. You need to start planning independance

“ feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him”

This is the sentence that jumped out at me. You shouldn’t have to feel nervous in your own house! Your anxiety is probably being worsened by him, as you are constantly worried that he is going to get angry.

You say your relationship up worsened after your baby was born. Probably, prior to this, you lived by his rules so he was amenable. The baby has meant that your focus has changed (which is absolutely normal) and he’s retaliating as a result. You’re not conforming to how he wants to live, as quite naturally, you have other priorities.

I am in a similar situation, with someone who regularly blows up at the slightest thing I do that, in his opinion, is at an inopportune moment, or I don't say something the way he expects me to. He blames me for his anger and outbursts. I try to explain to him the devastating affect it has on me, but he continues. Get out if you can. He will never change. I know I have suffered for decades. Good luck. XXXX

Any advice would be appreciated.
I need to leave a relationship I am very uncomfortable in. To keep it brief (I could write a book) I have realised over the past few years I am in an abusive relationship (after yrs thinking I must have contributed to his behaviour). After I said something last week that he felt was ill timed he called me a horrible name and bullied me. I have had enough, so am not speaking to him and want out. I have asked him to leave but he says he won't. He keeps trying to engage me, I believe in the hope it will all be forgotten and go back to 'normal' like it always has before. We have a 12 Yr old child together. My partner has now turned the tables on me and , IMO, being very manipulative and suggesting to our child that I am the person upsetting the family dynamic. I have explained to our child that I am not prepared to speak to someone who bullies and calls me horrible names (my child says 'I am not surprised). Is it fair on my child to hear this from me (I would add I am not trying to break their relationship, I am encouraging our child to send time with him)? And, how much do I tell my child about my intentions to not be in my relationship?

How about don't necro and old thread and create a new one?

I thought I had