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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any Intensive Care nurses about? Best friend in coma

21 replies

Dearblossom · 22/12/2021 12:25

Not really an aibu but I just want to try and communicate with my friend. She has been in a medically induced coma for 2 weeks now. Dialysis inc. (Not covid.)

She's not from this country has a very small social group and I am her best friend here. She does live with her b/f (who is same nationality as her) and he is doing his best. Her family are sick and elderly in country of origin and her father has now been hospitalised too.

My friend and I usually text every day, she is a stand in daughter to me and one of those dear friends that can make you laugh, make you dance and turns up on your doorstep with cake, wearing her p.j's when you need a mate hug. She's great. I really miss her.

I was wondering about phoning the ward but know they can't tell me anything and I though just passing on a message might get 'lost' somehow and if it did get to her maybe it would only be once. I know she is asleep and can't hear as such.

Do medically induced coma patients have lucid moments? I was thinking maybe I would write a Christmas card to the staff on ward to say Thank you for looking after and write a list of all the things that make my friend smile. Is that a helpful thing?

I just feel really useless and don't know what I can do.

Thank you

OP posts:
JaneTheVirgin · 22/12/2021 12:31

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Medically induced coma patients do not have lucid moments as the medication we give them specifically prevents that from happening. The only way they should be able to be lucid is when we start weaning them off of it to check if we can remove tubes and ventilation.

Some patients have said they thought they could hear at some times, so there's nothing wrong with asking them to tell her you say hi or you love her the Christmas card is a lovely idea. And the list sounds great as they start to wean her. It's good to know something about the patients.

Sending love

Silkieschickens · 22/12/2021 12:39

So sorry to hear your friend is so ill. I am not medical but was under a general for surgery on Friday and took a while for me to come round, first thing coming back was hearing and also you come round confused or I did so your list or maybe your voice recording if they can do that could be good. But just knowing she has a friend that cares will mean the world to her.

Original poster
Dearblossom · 22/12/2021 13:36

@JaneTheVirgin Thank you for explaining, I shall write that card. They have tried to bring her out the once, a week ago, but it wasn't for long. Her partner can only visit for an hour a week, next visit on Christmas Eve. Thank you again for all the hard work you do.

@Silkieschickens Thank you too Silkie, I remember sound being the first thing too, thank you for your thoughts.

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/12/2021 14:12

While sedated they may do a "sedation hold" reducing or stopping the drugs short term to check reflexes and level of awareness but then start it again. Not to the point of lucidity though and even when the drugs are finally stopped it can take a period of days or longer to become fully awake and less confused.

2bazookas · 22/12/2021 14:38

Send a card , written message inside it. On the envelope, address it to ward staff and on the back, write " Nurse, please open this card and read it aloud to Mary Smith ".

Original poster
Dearblossom · 22/12/2021 14:51

Thankyou @LIZS yes, they tried last week for a day or two but she couldn't breathe on her own.

@2bazookas I will do just that, thank you very much.

OP posts:
AllyBama · 22/12/2021 14:59

It depends why they’ve put her in the medically induced coma. 2 weeks is a reasonably long time to be sedated and therefore ventilated, around the 7-10 day mark we’re usually looking at converting the breathing tube in the mouth to one in the neck (tracheostomy) and once that’s insitu, the sedation can be dialed back and we can start to wake the patient up (ideally).

But it would all depend on the circumstances as to why she’s in ICU in the first place - to answer your question, no we wouldn’t typically have someone heavily sedated for 2 weeks straight unless they had very severe head trauma and we were trying to control intracerebral pressures, but even then we typically wouldn’t be doing that for 2 weeks.

So while your friend may not be fully sedated this far down the road, if she’s still attached to a ventilator and critically ill, there may be other factors at play aside from the sedation which may prevent her from having an awareness of what’s around her.

If you’re in contact with her bf, you’re best to speak with him directly to get information about what’s happening as the ward won’t be able to give you any information. It’s a lovely thought to pass on some things to the staff about what she would like, I would appreciate this.

I hope your friend gets better soon.

Original poster
Dearblossom · 22/12/2021 15:59

@AllyBama

It depends why they’ve put her in the medically induced coma. 2 weeks is a reasonably long time to be sedated and therefore ventilated, around the 7-10 day mark we’re usually looking at converting the breathing tube in the mouth to one in the neck (tracheostomy) and once that’s insitu, the sedation can be dialed back and we can start to wake the patient up (ideally).

But it would all depend on the circumstances as to why she’s in ICU in the first place - to answer your question, no we wouldn’t typically have someone heavily sedated for 2 weeks straight unless they had very severe head trauma and we were trying to control intracerebral pressures, but even then we typically wouldn’t be doing that for 2 weeks.

So while your friend may not be fully sedated this far down the road, if she’s still attached to a ventilator and critically ill, there may be other factors at play aside from the sedation which may prevent her from having an awareness of what’s around her.

If you’re in contact with her bf, you’re best to speak with him directly to get information about what’s happening as the ward won’t be able to give you any information. It’s a lovely thought to pass on some things to the staff about what she would like, I would appreciate this.

I hope your friend gets better soon.

Thank you @AllyBama.

Unfortunately we don't know fully and nor do her team. She was admitted 3 weeks ago after a gastroscopy for gallstones, found. Got ill after returning home and ended up in A&E then on ward, anti b's for infection (not sepsis), talk of enlarged spleen. 2nd gastroscopy as first not done fully, talk of biopsy. Then very sick after procedure and multi organ failure. After 8 days induced coma they tried to wake her and some communication, raised hand, but couldn't breathe solo. She's been put out again for another 7 days. I get updates from her b/f most days, he feels they aren't giving him answers.

Dr's are looking at possibility of any hereditary illness and also rare side effects of a recent common med having aggravated a pre-existing undiagnosed condition as yet still undiagnosed...she's a mystery. Thankyou.

OP posts:
lanthanum · 22/12/2021 16:30

Would one of those recordable buttons be a good way to send her a message with your voice?

Original poster
Dearblossom · 22/12/2021 16:38

Yes @lanthanuma I think I will do that too for her b/f's visit on Xmas Eve. Thank you.

OP posts:
Tal45 · 22/12/2021 16:49

What a lovely friendship you have, definitely send a card.

Newchallenge · 22/12/2021 16:52

Some hospitals at the moment have email addresses you can send messages to, then they get printed out and given to the patient. Or read out to them by nursing staff. By all means send a card, photos, messages. Let the staff know her preferred music, they may be able to play music for her.

FlorenceNightshade · 22/12/2021 17:20

Definitely send the card! The nurses will read it to her and you can never have enough information about your patients likes etc.
An hour a week is so harsh for visiting is this in the UK? In my unit information can be given to more than one person as long as the first contact agrees so it may be worth ringing the unit and asking if it's possible for her husband to give permission for you to get an update or ask some questions.
Thinking of you and your friend Daffodil

LakieLady · 22/12/2021 17:38

So sorry about your friend, OP, and you sound like a lovely friend to have.

I hope you get some positive news about her soon.

Original poster
Dearblossom · 22/12/2021 19:54

Yes in UK @FlorenceNightshade. I had assumed it was part of local covid measures tbh.

OP posts:
AllyBama · 22/12/2021 23:29

That sounds really tough. I would hope they’re in contact with her next of kin, be it her boyfriend or her family because being so ill there will be potentially lots of big decisions that need to be made on her behalf.

It sounds like she’s picked up something nasty along the way while she’s been in hospital that’s overwhelmed her system if they have her on antibiotics and now multi organ failure. I’m in Australia so I don’t know what travel restrictions are like in the UK but does she have any family from her home country that can travel to the UK?

Original poster
Dearblossom · 26/12/2021 09:44

Hi @AllyBama, sorry been away a few days. I did ask the b/f if Dr's were in touch with her family and he said not, he was only contact. I do know her parents live very rurally and she has to arrange when she will phone them, her father is very sick in hospital. There are are some other details personal to the family that make communications with other family members strained and no, her parents can't travel at all.

On Christmas Eve I heard they were going to try a slow wake up and later in the day got news she was responding to command with some nods/shakes of head. He was due to see her late Xmas Eve but no news since. I shall contact him in a little while. I was reading about the different stages of 'waking up' and realise she maybe a little distressed and so he may well be too.

Everything just feels too long and too quiet. Thank you for your replies.

OP posts:
nonevernotever · 26/12/2021 11:01

Nothing useful to add, but just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your friend, and hope you get better news soon.

negomi90 · 26/12/2021 11:13

If the bf is not English and struggling to communicate with the team/understand what's going on. Do you have the sort of the relationship (with him) that you could offer to call together so he can improve his understanding and get the answers to his questions. You'd be helping him communicate but would of course find out more info. The hospital wouldn't object to that as long as he's on the call consenting.

Original poster
Dearblossom · 01/01/2022 10:25

Thanks all I am going to start a new thread as things have progressed somewhat and I would like find to find out about specifically, amputation. My friend is awake, but there are problems with her feet. A diagnosis has also been found for a condition she has been baring for ten years or more. It's becoming quite a revealing situation so I shan't go into too much more detail but thank you all again x

OP posts:
Finnyhaddock · 01/01/2022 11:32

PM if you want. I was in a coma for 3 weeks and ended up with amputations. I'm happy to help if I can.
This is the first time I've posted this information.

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