It's reasonable to spend just Christmas Day with in laws, right ?

[toiletbrushlover]

We've had our original plans cancelled potentially due to travel difficulties and will be staying home most probably.

The same happened last year.

Usually when in the UK we travel to in-laws house on Christmas Eve and stay until Boxing Day. This was due to the fact of having a little baby and living over an hour away and it was just easier. We were left no choice but to do that last year.

Now we've moved, so we are 10 mins from in laws, so it's absolutely not necessary to stay over.

So I suggested we just go on Christmas Day for lunch and that's it. I also want to start my own traditions with my own family.

The relationship is not the best, well, in fact, it entirely toxic. So the less time spent, the better I think.

They may get upset, but I think it's entirely normal ? If we lived near my parents we would also only go there or have them over for one of the days, rather than the entire period. It's just less stress that way.

What does everyone else do ? Do you have to spend both days with them ? Are we being rude ? I'm afraid it might kick off because of this.

I think it would be "normal" for you not to stay. I would think staying over would only happened if you lived far away. Growing up we always had Christmas day at home with some evening visitors. My mam would go visiting too as by that point some siblings had moved out/ had their own families

@GiltEdges

They're getting to see us at the last minute. All I've said is, that now we live close by, we don't need to also be with them for three days and I would like to just see them for lunch on Christmas Day.

But have they actually expressed they were expecting you to be there for 3 days? Surely they understand the difference between what you had to do when you lived further away and what's appropriate now you live round the corner?

They've expressed they want to see us on both days. When I said, we will just come on Christmas Day for lunch.

They've expressed they want to see us on both days. When I said, we will just come on Christmas Day for lunch.

In that case, their expectations aren't reasonable. Stick to your guns.

@GiltEdges

They've expressed they want to see us on both days. When I said, we will just come on Christmas Day for lunch.

In that case, their expectations aren't reasonable. Stick to your guns.

Yeah I think it's OK. They'll just have to get used to it. Hopefully it doesn't cause an argument. It very possibly could. As they expect A LOT of family time. They don't respect that we have our own family. They see us as an extension of theirs, which is a bit of a problem. Anyhow, here's hoping for the best.

If they're 10 mins away and you have small children I would set up a new tradition;

Breakfast and presents at home
Over to MIL for lunch
DH and FIL wash up while MIL and you play with the kids (assuming MIL made lunch! Switch MIL and FIL if FIL cooks!)
Home for the late afternoon/evening

That would be my perfect Christmas - loads of time with my kids because no cooking, but get stockings and evening at home!

I think visiting them for just Christmas day is fine. Enjoy making traditions with your own little family and don't feel guilty for it. Since getting married I haven't spent one Christmas with my inlaws and that's just the way I like it. I suffer with anxiety and find visiting my husbands family stressful and uncomfortable and I'd never ever even consider hosting. I actually have a very pleasant relationship with my inlaws despite all this and they trot off to my bil and his wife every year for Christmas which is where they prefer anyway. Win win.

@HappyAsASandboy

If they're 10 mins away and you have small children I would set up a new tradition;

Breakfast and presents at home
Over to MIL for lunch
DH and FIL wash up while MIL and you play with the kids (assuming MIL made lunch! Switch MIL and FIL if FIL cooks!)
Home for the late afternoon/evening

That would be my perfect Christmas - loads of time with my kids because no cooking, but get stockings and evening at home!

Hahah great idea.

I'll get away with not helping this year because I'm pregnant, but otherwise I need to chip in

Hopefully we can just alternate things like usual from next year. One year with my family and one year with in laws. That would be the most balanced scenario.

I would find it odd to stay over with people who lived this close unless we all wanted to drink and it was too far to walk home.

Spend Christmas however you want, don’t feel obliged to drag yourself through hell to please others. It should be a happy time, not a miserable one.

Of course it's fine, why would you stay over if you live 10 minutes away? Especially if the relationship is toxic!

MIL spends Christmas with us every other year. She also lives 10 minutes away. She comes in time for breakfast on Christmas Day, stays the night then goes home.

I’d say a similar idea with you staying at theirs would be perfectly reasonable if they’re concerned about family time.

I live 20 minutes from my DD, and at Christmas I do stay over on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day. This is because I am not mad about driving at night and they are entirely happy for me to stay, indeed insist that I should - partly, I think, because I am quite good at entertaining the children while she gets on with other stuff!!

Another local DD and children come over for lunch too, so it is a jolly occasion.

My OH died last year so I think that we all like to be there for each other, as my DDs are still very sad about his loss. They are very clear that they do not want me to be on my own over Christmas; although the arrangement we have now existed before OH died.