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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when you felt ready for a second child?

56 replies

TwinkleTwinkle456 · 22/12/2021 00:15

DS is 20 months. I do definitely want a second child. I can’t say I’m feeling very ready though. Do you think this will change or should we just get on with it? Was there a point when you felt really, truly ready? If so, when was it?

OP posts:
blueflowersinthesnow · 22/12/2021 06:41

Not until the DC1 turned 2.5. We have a 3.5 year age gap and it has worked really well for us Smile

When DC1 was 20 months I was still very on the fence about even having another child!

XmasElf10 · 22/12/2021 07:36

DD will be 11 in January and I’ll be 45 next year. Still waiting to feel ready for number 2…. Maybe leaving it a bit late now Grin

MaryShelley1818 · 22/12/2021 07:50

Not sure I felt ready but I turned 41 just after DS turned 1 and accepted it was now or never!
Took a while and DD was born shortly before I turned 43. She's now 10mths old and the 3-yr age gap has turned out to be absolutely perfect. In retrospect having them any closer in age would have been a nightmare. DS absolutely adores his baby, she's the light of his life and he's old enough to understand things and to be independent in lots of ways (toileting, sleeping etc)

Squashpocket · 22/12/2021 07:52

Immediately after birth of the first one - hormones are a bugger. We waited until DC1 was 14months to get pg, but I was broody that entire time.

underneaththeash · 22/12/2021 07:54

I just got on with it. If you think about it too much, you'll never have the second!

becca3210 · 22/12/2021 07:57

We will be trying again when my DS turns two in a few months. Hoping for a three year age gap

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/12/2021 07:59

When DD was 2.5- 3year 3 month age gap- happy to have a baby once eldest was toilet trained, had good communication and rarely used the buggy.

PumpkinPie2016 · 22/12/2021 08:02

Never! DS was a difficult baby but did get easier as he got older. He's just turned 8 now and is awesome.

Maybe because the first 18 months were so hard, I never felt I wanted another as I didn't want to go back to the baby stage.

I'm 35 now and happy with having just DS. I feel it would disrupt our lives too much to have another so we are sticking at one.

MyCatHatesPCRTests · 22/12/2021 08:03

I’d always thought a 3 year age gap sounded nice but, at the risk of sounding stupid, I hadn’t properly realised that would have meant starting to try for DC2 not long after DC1 turned two.

I actually started feeling properly ready to think about being pregnant again when DC1 was about three, and DC2 (who was a surprise) was actually born when DC1 was 4.5.

There are advantages and disadvantages to a bigger age gap; it has had a big impact on DC1 but equally DC1 understood more about what was happening. And with DC1 at school, DC2 gets a fair amount of attention without their sibling around.

ohcantbeliveit · 22/12/2021 08:05

I could have easily started ttc when my dd was 6 months old. However, I had a very nasty emcs and it just wasn't sensible to put any additional risk on my body. She's 15 months now and I'm in my third cycle of ttc.

Anotherboy · 22/12/2021 08:07

When dc1 was 2, and that was after horrendous PND and being adamant I'd never have another. It just got easier and more fun, and I loved the little person dc1 was becoming. It took nearly 2 years ttc and there is a 4.5 year age gap. If all goes well, there will be a 21 month age gap between dc2 and dc3, and that was after 6 months ttc.

HoseMeDownWithHollyWater · 22/12/2021 08:08

I've got a five and a half year age gap between my two and I love it. My eldest helps a lot and understands that the baby needs more attention at times.

I felt ready for another when my eldest was about to turn 4 but I was made redundant and then the pandemic hit.

furbabymama87 · 22/12/2021 08:09

I wanted one baby straight after the other and felt constantly broody in between. As soon as I had one I was thinking about the next. I knew after my fourth I was done though.

duvetdayforeveryone · 22/12/2021 08:09

When DS1 was 5mo. But after having DS2 I knew I never wanted anymore.

NameChange30 · 22/12/2021 08:10

I always wanted two children, and thought I wanted a small age gap, but DC1 was a shock to the system (for all the usual reasons plus allergies, reflux, bad sleep) so it took longer than I'd expected to feel ready. I stopped breastfeeding shortly after DC1's second birthday, I felt two years was enough and was also in anticipation of TTC, as I wanted a period of respite when I wasn't pregnant or breastfeeding. It took DH a bit longer to be ready! We started TTC when DC1 was about 2.5 years old, I got pregnant a few months later and the age gap is 3.5 years. It's a good age gap IMO.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 22/12/2021 08:11

I got pregnant when DD was 9 months old.. I love their close gap but my it was so hard. In hindsight I'd leave it til the second one is about 2 and a half/3. They can help a bit then!

HardbackWriter · 22/12/2021 08:18

I thought I wanted about a 3.5-4 yr age gap, but DC1 had taken a long time so we stopped using condoms when DC1 was 20 months, figuring that perhaps in a year's time I might get pregnant. Nine months later... So we have a 2.5 year gap, and actually I'm now thrilled about that, though I'm sure I'd also have been very happy if things had worked out as I'd originally planned.

SantaMonicaPier · 22/12/2021 08:22

We always knew we would want two DCs but just after DC1 turned two DH said he thought we should have another one and I agreed. We have a three year gap between them

CherryRedDMs · 22/12/2021 08:24

I felt ready at 3 months. Much less ready by 4 months but I was already pregnant by then. It’s worked out great though.
You have to decide whether you want two. If you definitely do, it will always be harder. Parenting when pregnant is harder than when not, two are harder than one.
It can be helpful to avoid having two in childcare at the same time but other than that you can’t guess in advance the perfect gap for your family.

Whitewolf2 · 22/12/2021 08:36

When dd1 was 10months she was sleeping well and we felt more relaxed generally, went on a holiday and decided we’d start trying for dd2 soon as we wanted them close together. Then 9 months later along came dd2!

Mary46 · 22/12/2021 09:02

My son was nearly 4 when she was born. I would find small age gap hard. I see some have one at school then have one. But life not always to plan.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 22/12/2021 09:09

We started trying when ds was 18 months old and I had recovered from my c section. Ds2 was born 7 weeks after ds1 4th birthday.

Dilbertian · 22/12/2021 09:15

The moment I held dc1 for the first time when he was a few minutes old Grin

Realistically, that was not going to happen because I had birthing injuries that took many months to resolve. I also ended up with PND, and was advised against TTC until I was well.

We had wanted to try and have our dc close together in any case, and there came a point around dc1's first birthday, when I realised that my life was on hold waiting for me to get mentally well enough to TTC again. But moving ahead was an important part of my recovery. Vicious circle. So we decided to go ahead and TTC, forewarned and prepared. Dc2 was born just over 2y after dc1, and I did not get PND. In fact, I strongly felt that moving on with life and having dc2 cured me.

usernamehell · 22/12/2021 09:20

Definitely wouldn't say I felt ready but we knew we wanted another and had troubles conceiving the first so we didn't prevent anything. Found out I was pregnant when DC1 was about 14 months and there are 22 months between them. I cried for DC1 when I discovered I was pregnant and that she would have to share me so early on and grow up so quickly

In reality, she took to her sibling brilliantly and pretty much immediately forgot there was a time when she had us to herself. First year with 2 is a big blur, I dont remember most of the firsts for DC2 but I absolutely love the gap now. They are 3 and 5, life is so much easier, both independent and play so well together

Yahyahs22 · 22/12/2021 09:22

I always knew I did, but only really wanted a second when my son was around 1. Hes now 20 months and I'm 6 months pregnant