How the hell do people find the time or money for all the festive activities?

[JCWildWest]

Bit tongue in cheek and I know social media isn’t reality but….

My social media feeds are full of people on festive days out visiting Santa and reindeers and light displays and ice skating and Christmas markets. Afternoon teas, mulled wines, nights out, meals out, wreath making, carol singing, pantos, it goes on and on! And I’m just talking single people with bags of time, it’s families and all sorts.

Whilst me I’m frazzled, I’ve barely got time to have a shower, between work and general household crap. We are a blended household and there always seems to be a state of chaos and not knowing who is coming or going to organise anything. I don’t think I’ve got Christmas sorted, I’ve only just posted the Christmas cards. I’m working flat out until the big day.

And even if I did have the time or the energy everything is booked up and costs as much as a weekly shop to cart the mob out for a trip.

I tried to get festive at the weekend and made some gingerbread men with the music on and a mulled wine. But I’m just not feeling it.

Sorry to be so bah humbug but I really can’t be arsed!

We spend less on presents and spend more on activities. Having said that we've only done three Christmasy themed events. A lot of people are also still using credit from things cancelled last year.

@Tianatiers

It’s lovely that people do all these lovely festive family days out but why oh why do they have to then post pictures and brag about it all on social media? It just makes people who can’t do those kinds of things for various reasons feel guilty. I know I don’t have to look at social media and I really shouldn’t as it always makes me feel rubbish, but I can’t help myself. Can people not enjoy a family day out anymore without bragging about it on social media?

I think that social media has become such a monster now that if it isn't posted on Instagram etc then it didn't properly happen and there isn't any point doing it. My sister in law can't truly enjoy her family day out until she has posted 5 million photos (having taken 25 million) and got several likes and comments from 'friends' along the lines of " oh hun you have such a perfect family" # making memories, what a perfect mum you are etc etc. So very glad it wasn't around when my children were small.

PPs are right, I know it’s not everything doing everything and it’s the cumulative affect on social media.

We got married in the summer so a lot of funds and organisation got rediverted elsewhere this year.

I’m struggling to balance my work/home life and feel hugely overstretched. A Covid isolation period at the start of December messed up some plans too.

I think the main thing is I just feel so frazzled I’m not sure I could face it all anyway. I think I’ve coped well since the Covid thing all kicked off but over time I’ve got very worn down.

I think turning the social media off is the way forward.

I’m looking forward to some days off, hopefully the weather doesn’t turn too bad. Some long dog walks with the kids and fresh air and Xmas films under the blanket will do me the world of good hopefully

Likewise we have had covid so spent more time than usual online, feels worse when you feel unwell and grotty and can barely write a Christmas card and everyone is doing all these amazing things.

Lots of things are booked out quickly so I book as soon as tickets are released and that can be as early as Summer. This means some activiites are not featuring in the. November/December bill. It also means I am forced to put things into the diary and arrange the life around it.

Other activities are cheap, visiting Santa with DD was £10 for all of us at National Trust places, pictures taken by the parents. No need for a huge sing and dance thing but I do understand that some parents love it and prioritiese it over things we do.

Also, not everyone does everything. You see a lot but I bet if you look at just a couple of friends separately most will do just a bit and not all the same.

But for me December is a important part and I love doing these activities. So I look that the money is available for it. And because of that I am also forcing myself to be organised.

@Comedycook

Yeah I know and agree with you.

Another thing I don't get is all the posters on here planning their amazing Christmas Eve meals and Christmas breakfasts...ffs. Just doing Christmas lunch takes a shit ton of food and effort and cooking and cleaning. No way am I doing special meals the da before

It’s the extra meals I find gobsmacking AND the Christmas dinner starters - who wants a starter when you’re about to eat your body weight in roast potatoes??

We got married in the summer so a lot of funds and organisation got rediverted elsewhere this year.
I’m looking forward to some days off, hopefully the weather doesn’t turn too bad. Some long dog walks with the kids

If you think about it, I bet people could look at you an your family and think "How on earth does she have the energy, and afford all the costs associated with having a dog, when she has dc" or - even more "How on earth did she find the time / energy to pull together a wedding with work and a dog and dc, let alone whatever it might cost?"

We all prioritise different things.

To get any chance of going to xmas events you have to book early. For instance we want to panto a week ago and I would normally book that in February. Instead this year the tickets were rolled over as it was cancelled last year. I booked a xmas event for the kids, we went a fortnight ago but it was booked in August. We were supposed to be going to an indoor theme park type thing but that has just been cancelled due to covid. The panto was about £100 for 4 of us and the other two events around £60 each. As they are booked so much in advance it doesn't seem to me to be such a big payout. You also have to be pretty organised and find about events that are happening yourself.

Tbh I feel like I’ve done most of the festive events around where I live due to the number of photos of them all I’ve seen on social media, all from the comfort of my living room. I do, however, wish that people would just enjoy the experience rather than wasting time taking and posing for endless photos to go on social media.

I have been wondering the same. It’s my baby’s first Christmas and at first I was ordering, ordering, ordering then realised I didn’t even have money left to basic things like food shopping. No idea how people manage it, I’m a teacher so on a semi-decent wage (or was until this month when it dropped a bit). I saw this Facebook post and shared it on another thread on here. It’s so true, Christmas will come and go and you won’t remember whether you had any of these things. I had a great childhood, money wasn’t an issue for my parents but we didn’t have matching pyjamas or thousands of pounds spent on my presents, the only thing I remember is how excited I was on Christmas morning. None of it matters! Do a cheap version and it will probably be just as good.

This is the post:

🌟YOU DON'T NEED MATCHING PYJAMAS TO BE HAPPY.

⭐YOU DONT NEED AN INSTA PIC WITH SANTA TO HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS

🌟YOU DON'T NEED A CHRISTMAS EVE BOX TO BE A GREAT PARENT.

⭐YOU DONT NEED VARIOUS CHRISTMAS TRIPS TO HAVE FUN.

🌟CHRISTMAS FILMS DONT NEED TO BE ON A MASSIVE TELE IN A TIDY ROOM.

⭐YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A CHEESE BOARD.

🌟YOU DON'T NEED CHOCOLATE BOMBS.

⭐YOU DON'T NEED A COLOR COORDINATED TREE.

🌟YOU DON'T NEED TO BIN THE TINSEL.

⭐YOU DON'T NEED A MASS OF PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE

🌟YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO CHANGE OUT OF YOUR MISMATCH GRAVY STAINED PYJAMAS.

❤️YOUR CHRISTMAS IS YOUR CHRISTMAS, BE HAPPY WITH OR WITHOUT THESE THINGS, STOP LETTING SOCIAL MEDIA MAKE YOU THINK YOU HAVEN'T GOT IT ALL.❤️🎄☃️

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM ME & MINE. ❤️🌨️🤶🎅

Saving each month into a rolling Xmas fund and booking early, like August.

Also, the one Christmas Day out we went on was into the city on the train to see the lights, do some shopping and have lunch. Of course I posted the classic Instagram post like we were having a great time because it’s what people do but it was absolutely awful! The train was packed, the streets were mobbed, my partner has ended up with covid, we couldn’t get in anywhere we hadn’t booked, it was raining, the baby was crying etc etc 😂 People are not having as good of a time as they appear to be. The ones having the best times are usually the ones you don’t see on social media

well lots going on near me....xmas wreath workshops at 70 quid, all seem busy....mulled wine punted out at 9 quid a pop....trees for sale at 80 quid....etc....all seem to have plenty of cash for these activities....dont interest me at all.

For us it's stuff that's extremely cheap if not free. Things like watching the lights switch on, going to see the free Santa in town rather than paying for one in a fancier grotto elsewhere, walking around the garden centres to see the lights, using our EH/NT membership to visit their Xmas events. We don't do much else with our time so we have plenty available to do this usually and some activities don't take that long.

Social media is not the real world
Xmas is what you make it and what works for you
When my DC were little we struggled financially but spent time on the whole lead up - baking - making home made decorations - simple art projects etc
Lights switch on, carol service, delivering Xmas cards
We are all adults now but enjoy Xmas shopping days out, cocktail parties, meals together where we all share cooking, prep and cost

Some people really do do it all. My colleague has spent every single day off (her and her H have arranged to have the same days off each week this month despite normally working opposite shifts for childcare reasons) and they have done skating, winter wonderlanding, reindeer looking-at-ing, snow tubing/boarding, seeing Santa-ing, Xmas Harry Pottering.....you name it. They spend a FORTUNE. Then the Xmas eve meal, Xmas eve boxes, matching (for the parents and kids) pyjamas and Xmas bedding which is brand new each year, used for a week and then sold on for a fraction of its cost in January. This is without taking out a second mortgage to cover the costs of the presents because she doesnt want her kids to miss out. She admitted to me that she basically works all year to pay for Xmas.

One thing her kids have missed out on? A thick ear and a sense of proportion as they are the most spoiled demanding and badly behaved little shits its ever been my misfortune to encouter, and its not their fault......

OP, your later posts suggest your criticism comes from a place of worrying you haven't done enough?

Everyone's Christmas is different. But no one out there is genuinely doing all the stuff. There isn't time. It's absolutely the amalgamation of so many feeds in one place that makes it look that way.

Some of those people are posting photos to show the one happy moment in a day that otherwise went wrong, to remind themselves that it wasn't all shit.

Some of them are really excited to be able to do an activity with friends or family again after a really long time apart and want to share pictures of cousins together etc

A lot of the pictures I see people sharing are at free or low cost events - eg, in someone's front room, baking, at the community Christmas lights switch on etc - but are nice family photos. I know so many women who are hardly ever in pictures with their kids, but at Christmas someone will finally think to take a picture with mum in.

If its bothering you, have a social media break. But I am team take photos and celebrate the joy in spending time with family.

Your situation sounds stressful. With evenings, weekends and annual leave, it really should be possible to find a couple of hours here and there for festivities - if you want to. Perhaps you just don't.

@NewlyJingle2021

My social media feed would probably look like that to anyone looking and thinking 'huh she's on benefits now, how's she going to all those places?' but in truth one event was booked almost a year ago when I was still with my ex and financially much better off. Another farm thing my SIL had a massive discount for and exH paid for the kids anyway. Another Father Christmas event my mum paid for as her Xmas gift to the kids. I have booked a cheap panto for next week (hoping it won't be cancelled!) which I had paid for last month. Today I'd taken the kids to an activity where tickets were under £20 for us all, but that plus lunch out is all I can really afford for this month. Their presents are on store accounts which I'll pay down gradually over the next couple of months, and any other things I do to fill the holidays (if we aren't locked down) will have to go on PayPal credit or maybe use any money the kids get for Xmas - if they choose to use it that way.

In every pic taken of me and the kids on my feeds we looked happy because we were genuinely enjoying it, but inside I was counting down the days til my next UC payment and frantically keeping a running total of any little extras or drinks we'd bought. So you'll never know the reality behind all the happy-looking pictures I suppose!

This is really sad to read. If your children were already doing a few things then why do something else that just puts you under pressure or makes you use their Xmas money for it. Xmas, Easter, birthday…it’s never ending and not worth getting into debt for.

On my Facebook there are two people literally doing Xmas activities to the hilt every weekend.
Person A is incredibly insecure and worries their child will miss out on things. Everything has to be posed for a photo, announced on Facebook etc. I can’t imagine them doing a simple walk to see Christmas lights in their local area (or if they did it’d be on Facebook!)

Person B gets a lot of money given to her by her parents. I find it annoying that she lets everyone believe she works and has all this disposable income.

@Tianatiers

It’s lovely that people do all these lovely festive family days out but why oh why do they have to then post pictures and brag about it all on social media? It just makes people who can’t do those kinds of things for various reasons feel guilty. I know I don’t have to look at social media and I really shouldn’t as it always makes me feel rubbish, but I can’t help myself. Can people not enjoy a family day out anymore without bragging about it on social media?

They do it because they are playing for status. "Look at me and my wonderful life - look what high status I have".

These women are competing with each other on who is the best mother, best host, the best looking and the best dressed, can buy the best things and take their children to expensive places. SM has made people narcissists and braggarts and some of them don't even realise they are doing it - putting on a fake play for the world, desperate to impress.

Everything is booked in advance, usually September tbh. I paid for three events but none were crazily expensive, the most expensive was the National trust Santa but even that was only £60 for seven of us. Other activities have been free and some of the things you mentioned such as Carol singing are always free. We filled weekends in December with Christmas activities basically and we always do something Christmas Eve when DH is thankfully off work too. We also bake on Christmas Eve. People prioritise things I guess like anything else.

I booked my events in August. That felt a bit late. I was down to light show date between Christmas and New year and a santa weekend away end of Nov. Did get nutcracker tickets in November.

YABU to think that's Facebook is real life.

Mind you, some people must be spending a fortune. And it's not the well off. Its people with relatively little wanging money at £5 hot chocolate and £15ppn skating on a tiny overcrowded ice rink.

Nice for dc to do these activities though!

Different people prioritise different things. Also stuff that looks Christmassy doesn’t need to cost.

I’ve been to two church Carol services this week, took DS to one - free
My DPs took DS to a christingle service - free
I took DS to see Father Christmas - £10, but he’d also come to DS’s toddler group the week before, so that was £1
Chocolate advent calendar £2
Traditional paper advent calendar - free gift from family friend
Lots of country walks with hot chocolate in a thermos - free
Making homemade Christmas pudding and all the family stirring the pud and making a wish - cost of a few bags of dried fruit
Setting up the wise men to travel across our kitchen a few inches each day to get to the Nativity on Epiphany - free
Panto - ILs kindly treating all the GC
We don’t do elf on the shelf and Christmas Eve boxes etc. Walking round a Christmas market doesn’t need to cost anything!

All the stuff that you see on social media that looks mandatory (stately homes lit up like Blackpool illuminations) is actually bugger all to do with Christmas, and is a really recent invention. It’s also not mandatory.

For us Christmas is about Jesus, celebrating his birth with good food, church, family and friends. We have a big Christmas tree and lots of decorations (cheap paper chains and foil garlands) and our DS bloody loves it. Don’t live your life by what you see on Instagram.

We were discussing this yesterday - went to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park and probably got through £350 between 4 of us!
It was really busy. Not sure how someone on a normal wage could afford that.