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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how old is an 'adult'

117 replies

Bugsareinthebrook · 21/12/2021 15:04

niece is 19.
Therefore an adult in my mind
sister in law calls her a child.

what do you think

OP posts:
titchy · 21/12/2021 15:05

Another one of these. Do you not have a life?

SoSickOfItNow · 21/12/2021 15:06

I have an 18 year old.
The last 2 years haven’t allowed them to mature in the same way we did through the 16-18 years. Definitely not adult like!

Original poster
Bugsareinthebrook · 21/12/2021 15:06

dunno - do you?

I might add - at uni, independent, drives, no health issues

OP posts:
LublinToDublin · 21/12/2021 15:06

Legally an adult but at 19 not fully mature. Will always be her parents' child.

Lulu1919 · 21/12/2021 15:07

Mine are 26 and 28
I still call them my children ...

LublinToDublin · 21/12/2021 15:07

What is the context of your question Bugsareinthebrook?

Itsnotdeep · 21/12/2021 15:08

Why does it matter? A whole load of people will come onto this thread and tell you they were living independently/had 2 kids/were married by 19.

But why does it matter?

fwiw I had a dd who'll be 19 in Feb. She isn't an adult yet. She's on her way to it but not yet. And she'll always be my child.

MorningStarling · 21/12/2021 15:08

18 for legal responsibilities, but older if you define adult as someone who is no longer a child.

There isn't a set age when someone is truly an adult but for most it is between 25 and 30. Basically until you've done at least two of the following you're not an adult yet:

  • had a fulltime job for five years
  • had a permanent relationship for five years
  • owned your home (incl. with mortgage) for five years
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 21/12/2021 15:14

@MorningStarling

18 for legal responsibilities, but older if you define adult as someone who is no longer a child.

There isn't a set age when someone is truly an adult but for most it is between 25 and 30. Basically until you've done at least two of the following you're not an adult yet:

  • had a fulltime job for five years
  • had a permanent relationship for five years
  • owned your home (incl. with mortgage) for five years
Bullshit.
housemaus · 21/12/2021 15:16

@MorningStarling

18 for legal responsibilities, but older if you define adult as someone who is no longer a child.

There isn't a set age when someone is truly an adult but for most it is between 25 and 30. Basically until you've done at least two of the following you're not an adult yet:

  • had a fulltime job for five years
  • had a permanent relationship for five years
  • owned your home (incl. with mortgage) for five years
What absolute nonsense.
BurningTheClocks · 21/12/2021 15:18

I’d at when you are able to support yourself independently, you are an adult. Financially, life skills and stuff like that.

Driving, home-owning, relationships..not so much.

Legomania · 21/12/2021 15:19

@MorningStarling

18 for legal responsibilities, but older if you define adult as someone who is no longer a child.

There isn't a set age when someone is truly an adult but for most it is between 25 and 30. Basically until you've done at least two of the following you're not an adult yet:

  • had a fulltime job for five years
  • had a permanent relationship for five years
  • owned your home (incl. with mortgage) for five years
Hmm By that reckoning I wasn't an adult until 36
lap90 · 21/12/2021 15:19

Would you prefer the term 'adult child'?

museumum · 21/12/2021 15:19

I work in a uni and find that Students in full time education vary a lot in maturity. Also this years 19 yr olds won’t have had the opportunities to mature and travel / volunteer/ work that were more normal pre covid.

MasterBeth · 21/12/2021 15:20

Er, she is a young adult who is also the child of your SIL.

This is not rocket science, OP.

Bonnealle · 21/12/2021 15:21

It’s just something you say? You hear people say ‘my children’, I have never heard any parent say ‘my adult’!!

HeronLanyon · 21/12/2021 15:22

I think the age I can easily call someone an adult without all sorts of life rial qualifications is 24 or 25. Not sure why but that seems about right. You get are often ‘young adults’.

Hemingwayscatz · 21/12/2021 15:24

@MorningStarling

18 for legal responsibilities, but older if you define adult as someone who is no longer a child.

There isn't a set age when someone is truly an adult but for most it is between 25 and 30. Basically until you've done at least two of the following you're not an adult yet:

  • had a fulltime job for five years
  • had a permanent relationship for five years
  • owned your home (incl. with mortgage) for five years
Some people never own their own home, hold down a job for half a decade or have a long term relationship. In fact, some never have a relationship at all. Those people are still children even at 80? Such a ridiculous statement.

18 is the legal definition of adult. 16 and 17 is a very grey area though.

Stade197 · 21/12/2021 15:24

I feel you become an adult at 18

However my baby isnt even 1 yet and I know when he is a 'adult' i will still think of him as my baby, maybe she doesnt want to think of her child being an adult because she isnt ready herself

LUCCCY · 21/12/2021 15:24

@MorningStarling Give over.

Cyw2018 · 21/12/2021 15:24

@MorningStarling

18 for legal responsibilities, but older if you define adult as someone who is no longer a child.

There isn't a set age when someone is truly an adult but for most it is between 25 and 30. Basically until you've done at least two of the following you're not an adult yet:

  • had a fulltime job for five years
  • had a permanent relationship for five years
  • owned your home (incl. with mortgage) for five years
How ridiculous!!

Would I get accelerated up your silly criteria by having owned my second home (only one at a time) by the age of 25?!

housemaus · 21/12/2021 15:25

Cambridge Dictionary:

adult
/ˈadʌlt,əˈdʌlt/
noun
a person or animal that has grown to full size and strength:

Adult in the dictionary definition just means a person or animal who is fully grown.

Legally, in the UK, it's 18.

I dislike the trend for basing someone's 'adulthood' off a set of arbitrary abilities - some people may never achieve some or all of them, never own a home, never work, never be in a relationship, never know how to use a washing machine. It does not make them any less of a legal adult, nor any less deserving of treating as an adult.

Sure, do I think a completely neurotypical, able bodied 18 year old who can't make a sandwich is less mature than one who can cook a Sunday dinner? Yes. But both are adults. We don't get to place our own personal expectations of what someone should be able to do onto someone else and then say they're not an adult as a result.

logsonlogsoff · 21/12/2021 15:26

Technically an adult, but anyone who knows 19 year olds knows they still need a lot of support and guidance in life…

HollyChristmas · 21/12/2021 15:27

It's not the age but the maturity of the individual . You don't go by age except in the eyes of the law .
I married young , and had first child by 21 . Now looking back , I was basically still a kid and should have waited for at least another 5 years before doing either.

Mummy1608 · 21/12/2021 15:27

@MorningStarling

18 for legal responsibilities, but older if you define adult as someone who is no longer a child.

There isn't a set age when someone is truly an adult but for most it is between 25 and 30. Basically until you've done at least two of the following you're not an adult yet:

  • had a fulltime job for five years
  • had a permanent relationship for five years
  • owned your home (incl. with mortgage) for five years
At least two of these three are quite silly.
  1. In some cities/countries with a big wealth divide, a huge proportion of people will never own their own home.
  2. What nonsense that you aren't an adult if you're single! And I say this as a happily married wife, it doesn't make me more grown up! It's really not ok to patronise single people like this.
  3. You don't need to have a full time job to be an adult. You could be a SAHM or carer to a loved one or even wealthy enough just to volunteer your time.

But yeah 19 is still adolescent imo

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