To think it's inappropriate to be best friends with your line manager

[kiltia]

When said line manager is responsible for your supervision, management and annual salary review?

(Public sector professional job, relatively high stress and risk involved.)

Said employee and line manager regularly take days of annual leave together and go out drinking, work from each other's house several days a week, lots of WhatsApp messaging regularly.

My concerns are lack of objectivity with regard to salary review, management and if for example a complaint came about the member of staff. Surely it shouldn't be literally a best friend managing these situations?

AIBU to say that the decent and professional thing would be for member of staff and/or line manager to suggest to the grandparent manager that staff member is line managed by one of the other two possible line managers?

I can see how it is an issue in a small team environment. We have this and its hard not to feel left out with certain things especially with a team WhatsApp group if you have it. In regards to work roles and financial rewards you would hope it would be kept professional but if you and others are concerned I'd raise it with a more senior manager together.

@audweb

I was best friends with my line manager before she became my line manager. But everyone knew that, and it’s not like we hid our friendship from those that appointed us.

Public sector as well - do you really get annual salary reviews? We just have a scale that we work to, my manager is nothing to do with that. I guess if there was a complaint there are other managers available if that was deemed necessary. You can’t help who you are friends with.

We absolutely do get annual salary reviews, everyone gets inflation pay rise but if your line manager says you're 'good' or 'outstanding' you get up to 7%.

@icedcoffees They're not in a relationship, they're friends.

My post was in reply to the poster who has taken over a team with (as I read it) one person managing the person they live with, not the OP. If you read my other posts, I have no issue at all with friends managing each other. I may have misread the situation being described in that post and the management line is housemates not romantic partners?

@kiltia is there not any scrutiny of performance markings? In a public sector environment it seems very unusual not have a counter signing manager or moderation board, especially for such a significant pay rise (although how does this work within salary bands? Surely you hit the top of it pretty quickly with increases like that?).

My manager is good friends with one of my colleagues, they go on holiday together, have days off together etc.

I do think it makes it difficult. This colleague isn't particularly good at most of the job, but rather than pulling her up on what she doesn't do well, or things she forgets to do, the manager makes excuses for her. I'm not sure how the rest of us would fair if we worked to this colleague's standards.

Maybe several of us are because it created a feeling of inequality and non professionalism in our team.

Hence my question earlier. Is this a feeling or have you evidence that this relationship is detrimental to you / your team? I have been friends with someone who was my manager. Didn't affect my performance or how I was treated but we had a few in the team who were pissed off by it.

Not a chance I'll be friends with anyone I manage. It certainly makes it tricky if you need to give a "professional bollocking" or have to start making redundancies in the team.

Saying that, it's always been my policy to keep work and private life separate, so anyone I work with is no more than a colleague.

It isn't a good idea. If they were just friendly then fine. I think that if it is a very close friendship then it really should be changed. Working out of each others houses sounds very close. They should have the wit to see it undermines the manager.

Agree OP- and I have refused to line manage people who I consider to be close friends with outside of work. Too easy for boundaries to be blurred and to become blinkered to quality of work.

Or maybe you just mind your own business?

YANBU. I've worked in several public sector organisations where this was the case. One of the team being close friends with the manager and it creates a lot of inequality. You don't know what is like for the other, non best friend, employees unless you've been in that position. At my last job before the current one there was a best friend clique of about 5 women and it created huge division. One member of staff in the clique in particular was quite frankly a loose cannon at work and caused huge rifts/problems but was promoted to a special role that was created for her regardless. One of the reasons I left.

I think very close, cliquey relationships at work when between colleagues on the same scale create problems and need to be assertively and objectively managed but that's just my experience. In my current role I've been careful to be polite and friendly but not actual friends with anyone. A lot easier that way.

If it is impacting you directly you can cause for complaint. Where I work (not public sector area) my line manager is friends with another 'team member' who he then made team lead of 3 (very experienced) people so he could get first choice of work/projects which is available.

This 'team lead' could not even put together a weekly report without our help. It then amounted to the pair of them unable to do anything without the other and turning into a pair of toxic, misogynistic bullies. Looking for another job.

Yes YABU. Don’t worry about others, just be the best you can be.

@kiltia

My grievance is that there are 2 other line managers who could relatively simply take over line management duties of this employee.

And what happens if they become friends too?

I think it's inevitable that friendships develop in work and unless there is clear evidence of poor performance being overlooked then I don't think it's an issue.

Is your perspective that if you become friends with a direct report you should request to no longer manage that person?

One of my friends is really close friends with her manager. As in the socialise together, always at each other’s homes etc. both would argue there is no advantage to the more junior employee but there clearly is, she’s treated with favouritism. I suspect it must be very difficult for everyone else.

In addition in my company, one man’s wife is very very senior. He’s more lower management. She’s board level. I find it a little discomfiting. When you talk to him you feel like you need to be careful or impress because he gets into bed with the director every night. He doesn’t report to her, she’s about five levels above him. Which makes it even weirder. I can only assume his management chain find it difficult.

You're absolutely right, it's not appropriate. Having been on the Board of a public sector organisation where the CEO had no clue about professional boundaries, and neither did several of her senior managers, I can say it was a nightmare to sort out when the shit inevitably hit the fan. Several people had to be managed out, at a serious cost (financial and in terms of morale) to the organisation. If you are appointed to a management role, you should not be in a close relationship - and that includes friendships - with those whom you line manage. Never. Such behaviour is open to corruption and can poison trust within an organisation. So no, it's not OK to be best friends with your more junior employees and I'm astonished that so many pps seem to think it's just fime.

Looks like I might be going against the grain here but personally I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to manage someone that you have a close relationship with, whether that’s romantic, familial or friendship. There’s a power imbalance and a potential conflict of interest, for a start, and even if you manage to be totally professional at all times, the other people you manage will presume that you are favouring your friend. It’s just an all round bad idea.

I don't know why anyone would want to be friends with their manager. I bloody love my manager but we have had an open conversation saying we would love to be friends but we can't because of the situation. Even though we have chosen to remain professional, I still get colleagues making comments about how much we get on and smirking if she has to pull me up on something. I can almost see them rubbing their hands together expecting me to be upset when I never am as she handles everything calmly and professionally. Can't even imagine the comments I'd get if we were going and getting our nails done together on the wknd and stuff. I do think it should be discouraged because managers are privy to information that not everyone should know (about staff illness etc), and are humans with opinions on others that should be kept private if you're a manager.

@MichelleScarn

No didn't expect them not to live together. But couldn't move one of them so they weren't the manager and assessing performance related pay on the other.

Surely most line managers are likely to have at least one friend of somebody they line manage. It's a fairly common scenario. If you notice unfair treatment raise it as an issue, until then keep your nose out

I met my best friend through her being my line manager, 10 years she’s still senior to me and our friendship is still as strong!

7% pay rise year on year in the public sector?? I’d love to know where that is.

YANBU. I've known instances of this that have led to extremely dysfunctional behaviour in relation to discretionary benefits.

Thanks for sharing thoughts everyone.
Fair to say it's been divisive.

@Somebodylikeyew

7% pay rise year on year in the public sector?? I’d love to know where that is.

I would love to tell you but if it's that rare then it would be quite outing