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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have been mildly annoyed about this situation re bf

25 replies

Maddymorphosis · 21/12/2021 06:45

My partner often says that he'd like to take me to xyz restaurants where we live but it's never happened for some reason.
They are quite expensive and I wouldn't at all expect to go frequently but it would be really nice if he were to treat me to something like that one time. He bought us a meal last around 3 months ago I think and I treat us to things too. He contributes towards food shopping etc and the usual stuff.

Anyway he went out with a friend the other night and went to one of these said restaurants. We had plans to go out together the following day as we hadn't had a day out or off together for a while.

The next day he was very hungover and said he didn't feel like going out and plus he had spent £130 with his mate the night before.

I felt a bit disappointed about our day out, also that he had gone with his friend to this restaurant he kept saying he wanted to take me to but he would never spend that sort of money when out with me.

He did make the effort and come out albeit hungover, I asked him if he was going to book or wanted me to book for one of these said restaurants and he just says yeah whenever, yeah at some point.

It sounds a bit pathetic of me expecting him to pay for dinner, I guess it would just be nice to be 'taken out' sometimes. I do pay for quite a lot and it would just be nice to be surprised one day, I did tell him this too.

OP posts:

NotDonna · 21/12/2021 06:49

Or you could surprise him and take him out?

WeeHaggisFace · 21/12/2021 06:52

If he keeps stalling arrange to go with a friend or your Mum or someone. Don't wait about until he decides he may want to go, just go.

Shoxfordian · 21/12/2021 06:52

He sounds like a loser
Dump him

Ohpulltheotherone · 21/12/2021 06:55

This would annoy me too.
It’s not the money or extravagance, it could be the cheap chippy around the corner, it’s the point that he has repeatedly said he’ll organise something he knows you’ll really enjoy as a couple but so far hasn’t done so, and has now gone with a friend instead!

I do think this is poor behaviour on his part, of course he’s entitled to go with a friend but it’s a bit off if he’s been promising to go with you.

It depends if this is a one off type incident and he’s just been a bit naive to think you wouldn’t mind or if this is an example of more general thoughtless behaviour. If it’s a one off then I’d leave it a few days and book the restaurant myself then tell him that’s when we’re going and you’re looking forward to your date! Or, if it’s an example of him being pretty thoughtless in general then I’d just organise my own night out with friends or family and enjoy it without him, then spend some time considering the future of my relationship.
If you have different expectations and values it won’t last long term anyway.

SomepeopleareTERFSgetoverit · 21/12/2021 06:59

Well, he’s shown you where you come in his pecking order.

Returnoftheowl · 21/12/2021 07:39

I would be hurt. It's the lack of thought on his part. As above, he's shown you were you are in the pecking order.

You mention you pay for quite a lot. Are your finances fair, or do you feel that you are subsidising him/he's being a bit of a cocklodger?

Original poster

Maddymorphosis · 21/12/2021 07:56

Thanks for the replies. The other night he also ordered a takeaway whilst I was still at work, it was pizza. He asked me if I wanted anything and I said yeah anything except X.
I got back and he said oops I didn't order you anything, he'd also not saved me anything from what he ordered himself, not even a slice or anything even though he had ordered a lot. Sometimes just feel that he doesn't think of me

OP posts:

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 21/12/2021 08:00

Why are you with him? He sounds like a crap boyfriend.

Squeezita · 21/12/2021 08:01

He’s a tight loser, OP. Or he’s just not that in to you. Why are you settling for him?

Whilst you make up your mind to dump him, stop cooking for him and don’t feed him at your house, no snacks etc.

Does he ever cook for you?

Thebathneedscleaned · 21/12/2021 08:02

@SomepeopleareTERFSgetoverit

Well, he’s shown you where you come in his pecking order.

This.

Is the friend female by any chance?!

SmileyClare · 21/12/2021 08:03

He's selfish, he's tight and he lies to make himself look better? Massive turn off all round.

Brace yourself for a shit Christmas present.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 21/12/2021 08:03

And what nice things does he do for you?

CheshireKitten123 · 21/12/2021 08:04

Just what are you getting out of this 'relationship' OP ?

StoneofDestiny · 21/12/2021 08:12

Blimey - why are you with this inconsiderate selfish lump of humanity

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2021 08:25

@Maddymorphosis

Thanks for the replies. The other night he also ordered a takeaway whilst I was still at work, it was pizza. He asked me if I wanted anything and I said yeah anything except X. I got back and he said oops I didn't order you anything, he'd also not saved me anything from what he ordered himself, not even a slice or anything even though he had ordered a lot. Sometimes just feel that he doesn't think of me

Sometimes?

He doesn't think of you at all.

Dump

Dozer · 21/12/2021 08:32

Crap and very unattractive behaviour. Hope you don’t live with him! Would think seriously about whether you still want to be with someone who won’t even order takeaway for you. If you do stay in the relationship, stop subsidising him.

notanothertakeaway · 21/12/2021 08:36

Be the master of your own ship. Don't wait for him to invite you to the restaurant. Go with a friend

You sound quite low on his priorities, sorry

WeAllHaveWings · 21/12/2021 08:38

Does he actively enjoy going out places with you?

Sounds like it is hard work for early on in a relationship. It won't get better.

CheddarGorgeous · 21/12/2021 08:39

He doesn't sound great. What do you get from the relationship?

AngelinaFibres · 21/12/2021 08:43

@Maddymorphosis

Thanks for the replies. The other night he also ordered a takeaway whilst I was still at work, it was pizza. He asked me if I wanted anything and I said yeah anything except X. I got back and he said oops I didn't order you anything, he'd also not saved me anything from what he ordered himself, not even a slice or anything even though he had ordered a lot. Sometimes just feel that he doesn't think of me

As is often said on here "Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option". Get rid of him and go to dinner somewhere lovely with a friend who will pay their share.

AngelinaFibres · 21/12/2021 08:47

@SmileyClare

He's selfish, he's tight and he lies to make himself look better? Massive turn off all round.

Brace yourself for a shit Christmas present.

On Christmas morning he will announce that he hasn't got you anything because he wants to be able to treat you to so much more in the sales after Christmas. This will never materialise. He will be delighted to accept all the gifts you have given him. Dump him he's a gold plated prat.

QuestionNumberOne · 21/12/2021 08:47

He sounds like a crap ‘partner’. He’s very uninvested in you. Stop trying to turn him into a considerate and excited boyfriend when he just isn’t. It’s disappointing but he’s not going to suddenly be the man you need.

Netry · 21/12/2021 08:51

What a loser. You can’t change people so stop trying and constantly talking about it and let him go. These sort of men drift from women to women because they are so selfish. Who buys themselves a big takeaway and doesn’t even save a piece of pizza for their partner. I will tell you who, a greedy, selfish man. Start the new year being free and single and whatever money you are spending on him, spend it on yourself. And no he’s not a caring, kind, affectionate partner, in case you come up with this crap.

Bookworm20 · 21/12/2021 09:04

Nah, he doesn't think of you at all. And to blow your day off together like that is really crap behaviour from him. He prioritised his friend.

Was the friend female?

£130 is alot to spend on himself in a restaurant, especially if spending that kind of money leaves him skint. Did he pay for his 'friend'?

I think i'd be rethinking this one, you do not seem to be his priority i'm afraid.

dotsandco · 21/12/2021 09:08

'Mildly annoyed'? You need to raise your bar OP! It's way too low!

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