Texting between dates

[SparklesAndUnicorns]

So I've recently started dating this amazing guy whenever we're together the conversation flows he's spoken to me about quite personal stuff and he's just amazing to be around, he's made the effort to come to me on more than one occasion also. One problem is with the communication between seeing eachother! I'm a major texter and probably one of my flaws is that I'm slightly glued to my phone so I find it really important to text and communicate regularly but he owns his own business and has a very active busy life outside of work also and I honestly just think he barely ever checks his messages he seems like a very 'in the moment' guy and never has his phone out when he's with me but I end up over analysing and over thinking when he doesn't respond to my messages or initiates and conversation then leaves me hanging. I hate how my mind has gone into over drive and I keep thinking he actually secretly hates me. Anyone else had this? Should I stop with the check in texts and just use it as a way to plan dates like he does? Or should I just mention to him I want to talk more when we don't see eachother. I only saw him yesterday and I'm already panicking because we've only spoken twice today I'm actually annoying myself. HELP!

'I keep thinking he actually secretly hates me'

Op in the nicest way, you're going to scare him off if you if you carry on the way you are. Why on earth would he hate you if he's going out on dates with you

@Babyvenusplant so true I'm not bombarding him with messages asking for reassurance thankfully I think I need to chill out I'm so in my head 😂😂

OP - what are your interests and hobbies.

He clearly has a busy life, but is still making time to see and date you. Go and occupy yourself with some fun/relaxing things between dates, to take your mind off staring at your screen! :)

@CurzonDax honestly think it's an issue that I'm off work until Jan now and on an evening especially im just sat staring at my phone. Really need to get back to work! Guna try and plan some days out with the kids to occupy myself. He wants to take me out for dinner I think he's mainly just waiting for me to tell him when I'm free.

God sort it out. How old are you?! Put your phone away, chill the fuck out and enjoy life. Relax. "He hates me" you must be a teenager?!come on now. You're going to push him away.

You have kids too?? It's nearly Christmas surely there's lots you could be doing with your children where you wouldn't have your phone in your hand constantly.

'I only saw him yesterday and I'm already panicking because we've only spoken twice today I'm actually annoying myself. HELP!'

You have spoken twice in one day! That is not hardly speaking. I agree with PP you need to chill out. I think you could do with not being on your phone so much. I have a friend like this and it can feel draining getting so many messages.

@ChangeChingyChange too true which is why I've said I'm annoying myself needed a bit of blunt honestly cus I'm irritating to listen to going on about it 😂

@username30473 I don't text him loads I just overthink it I defo need to take a step away from my phone

“Only” spoken twice today! Wow I would consider speaking twice a day far too much with someone I had been dating a short period of time. Actually I haven’t even spoken to my husband that often when we have been apart. You need to step away from the phone.

@Aprilx oh wow really I didn't initiate the conversation he text me but honestly needed these comments to put it into perspective cus i am fully aware of how mental I seem. Doesn't help my anxiety has been horrendous the last few weeks so something this small really plays on my mind for no apparent reason

Put your phone away. Turn it off for x number of hours and do something else. You can do it!

@ChangeChingyChange on it! Tomorrow I'm going to go out for the day and enjoy it!

I am currently struggling with this. Massively avoidant new partner, plus my massively anxious/preoccupied style. I think already he's never quite going to give me the level of unfettered enthusiastic communication I probably need, so it's making me weirdly sad.

Wow...I'd run a mile if you were expecting so much from me OP!! Chill the fuck out 😱. Seriously!!

You've got kids! It's Christmas!

Twice a day would be loads for me. If it's not enough for you that's ok, you can set your boundaries - but if you like him, then maybe it's a good sign to put your phone down, and spend the Christmas period having fun with kids and friends and not hanging on your phone letting Mumsnet/anxiety take over.

Thanks for the replies and also glad someone relates slightly @CompetitiveMumming

I'm taking a step back today, if he checks in I'll give a quick reply and go on with my day, I hate how my mind goes into overdrive, I've got plans to see my friend today so going to enjoy my free time and not worry too much about it 😁 think having dates to look forward to rather than talking constantly all day every day for me will be refreshing, I've never had a man make more effort in person than over text so maybe different is what I need ❤️

Have you met any of his friends or relatives ?
If not I would be concerned that he is married: or something .
Doesn't have his phone when he is with you so you don't see the Mrs contacting him and then makes you believe he doesn't have his phone constantly.

Perhaps it's difficult for him to be in touch in his other life ?

If the roles were reversed MN would scream red flags.

Personally, I really can’t stand texting. I love phone calls, and meeting people in real life, but can’t deal with message conversations via WhatsApp. I like to message just to make arrangements with people, etc. So he may just be like that.

@Wantubackforgood some of my other mates have said that! I'm fairly sure he isn't he's told me he got out of a horrendous relationship so I think he takes more time to trust

@TroysMammy so true I talked to a guy and he sent me like 5 texts in a row and it put me right off so I'm not going to be doing the same 🤦🏻‍♀️

@MuddySnowflake i feel like you're right he's not active on social media either I honestly just think he has a decent life and prefers to be in the moment rather than texting mundane things. I'm just guna use it as a way to meet up now and not ask him how his day is 😂

Chill out, OP, he's dating you so he clearly doesn't hate you. Put your phone down, get yourself out and about, I'm sure all will be fine. I do get it though. I'm a bit like this in the early days of a relationship and I'm big on communication between dates, but not everyone is and that's also fine. Have a nice Christmas!

I agree with putting your phone away and doing something else. I too would find twice a day chatting by text too mentally draining & annoying. What is there to talk about so much?
Mind you, I'm from an era where mobiles weren't around for dating (early 80's) We used to stick to seeing each other at the weekend because of the distance and phoning once during the week, and we still managed to progress the relationship to marriage. I dread to think how today's daters would survive without the 24/7 availability that mobiles bring!

Went out for the day with my kids spent time with my friends and put my phone away I've got to say it worked wonders I'm in a much better mind set today and I spoke to him and didn't sit waiting for the reply because I was too busy enjoying my day! Thank you for the advice I honestly think I've been a bit glued to and obsessed with the screen being off work. Being in a calmer mindset has given me a better perspective on dating for sure