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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we both invited? Or just me?

16 replies

sealmyfate · 20/12/2021 18:32

Got a new group email from a friend today planning her significant birthday for February, at a local place - obviously subject to whatever restrictions may be in place at the time...!

Leaving that aside, it's not at all clear from her message if she's inviting DP and I, or just me. She's not added DP to the group, but she hasn't got his email so couldn't. Of the others that are on there, the only ones to have replied so far have just said count me in - and I don't particularly know any of them that well so don't know if they are single or not. I know numbers wise it's quite limited (around 20). There are other people I know she'll be inviting who are in relationships but I'm assuming she hasn't got their email and is texting them.

I've not really spoken to friend much since pre Covid, I took a step back from our group around Christmas 2019 because I was fed up with being the one who organised everything (and in the past 2 years prior to this I'd not really heard from them other than a Happy Christmas/ New Year text or FB birthday message). I see the message as a bit if an olive branch, and I know DP will be willing to come along but I don't want to be the twat who replies and says 'we're both looking forward to toasting your 40th with you' and then find out it's only me who's invited Blush

As a follow on from that I'm assuming we all pay for our own meals? Is that usual?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 20/12/2021 18:35

Just text and ask? “Thanks for the birthday invite, I would love to come. Just checking; are we coming solo it is a partners as well thing?”

Electriq · 20/12/2021 18:37

Just ask her, the above message is fine.

MrBigTiger · 20/12/2021 18:37

Unless she's referred to him by name or said "you and DP" I'd assume it's just you.

Are they friends?

happychristmasbum · 20/12/2021 18:39

At the risk of sounding snarky OP, why are you asking us instead of your friend Smile

I would assume it's just you invited, but in my friendship group, that's the norm, and it would be the exception for the partners to be invited, so that would be stated.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 20/12/2021 18:40

@PotteringAlong

Just text and ask? “Thanks for the birthday invite, I would love to come. Just checking; are we coming solo it is a partners as well thing?”
Yes, this message is fine. I have asked this, and been asked it in the past.

It’s a perfectly reasonable question.

Bubblty · 20/12/2021 18:41

I'd assume just you especially if you've not seen her for ages. That and most people would assume you weren't joined at the hip. But just ask.

Original poster
sealmyfate · 20/12/2021 18:46

What's making me think it's couples is that I know she will be bringing her somewhat dour DP, and some of the names on the email address list I recognise as members of their respective families/ family friends both male and female, not his friends, he hasn't got any (that's a whole other thread).

I don't think I have her current number, I will just email her directly (rather than a reply all) and ask.

OP posts:
catfunk · 20/12/2021 18:51

I think you should ask her, not Mumsnet. We don't know do we ......

ChangeChingyChange · 20/12/2021 18:51

You're massively over thinking this. Just ask her. And get her phone number again whilst you're at it. And yes it's completely normal to pay for your own meals apart from on mumsnet where they assume if you've been invited then the person who has invited you is paying for everything which frankly is batshit.

Bubblty · 20/12/2021 18:52

@sealmyfate

What's making me think it's couples is that I know she will be bringing her somewhat dour DP, and some of the names on the email address list I recognise as members of their respective families/ family friends both male and female, not his friends, he hasn't got any (that's a whole other thread).

I don't think I have her current number, I will just email her directly (rather than a reply all) and ask.

Well yeah don't fucking reply all that would be bloody weird!
Alarmset · 20/12/2021 18:55

Yes, just ask and go expecting to pay your own way, which is perfectly normal afaic

Bubblty · 20/12/2021 18:56

As a follow on from that I'm assuming we all pay for our own meals? Is that usual?

Yes. Why would you assume anything else

lastqueenofscotland · 20/12/2021 18:58

Yes pay for your own meals unless it says on the invite.

I’d assume it was just yourself invited but no harm in asking to double check.

Original poster
sealmyfate · 20/12/2021 18:59

Quite happy to pay for myself, and was assuming that to be the case but you never know. I went to a work colleagues 40th party a few years ago and it was a really lavish buffet and free drinks all night which I wasn't expecting (and felt bad about only giving them a £30 voucher)

OP posts:
WarrickDavisAsPlates · 20/12/2021 19:18

Unless DPs name is mentioned specifically I'd assume its just you. The couples that are invited are probably just couples where they're both her friends so she would have invited them both as her guests not as a "plus 1" to a guest. Her dp going has nothing to do with if your dp is invited, again, her DP is her friend and guest so he has his own invite.

Also assume you would pay for your own meal, at the very least you need to be prepared to pay your own way, I can't see why you wouldn't be.

DitheringBlidiot · 20/12/2021 19:18

I don't mean this to sound unkind, but do you always overthink things like this? Just email back and ask. Personally I would assume that partners would be invited if it's a big dinner but doesn't hurt to check who the invite is for

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