To ask for help re adult Add at christmas...

[Nanoo1234]

We have adult dc and partners arrive today . They have not said how long they are staying, but have said that they will probably stay for new year.
One of the ways I manage the add is to
Cook alone.. easliy distracted by others.
Have very set routines. Otherwise house gets messey and chaotic v v fast.
Eg i clean and tidy kitchen each night.
Nothing is.left out at all.
I have a quiet ground8ng half hour / hour each am .
Last year i really really struggled with the visuals of having guests. For example despite.asking them , and despite their best intentions, i wd come down to cups out , crumbs . Also lap tops in living room .
Now i know that i have executive funtioning issues ,which is why i have these routines in place.
I also kmow that i need this due to.my own issues .i know that other people dont need to.live like this and I would like to ask.for tips.on survival of guests.
Is it reasonable.to.ask.them.to keep.v v tidy, ( know they will forget, i will hqve tp.constant tidy n remind)
They need to be able relax too.
I also want to check out hoe to get space and is ot ok to hide away. ?
I wont be able to.do.my am.quiet routine .. all are teachers and get up.super early.
I spend part of last.night being v angry at.myself as my friend said how lucky 8 am.to.have the lovely visitors ,whilst.right now, all 8 feel is anxous ,trapped and anxiety at the thought of visitors, who i love v much , being.here for poss 2 weeks.
The way i stay half sane id the stratagies i use! Its n0 good telling them.to.go home earlier.. they live far away and it would hurt feelings v much .
I feel.ashamed I feel.this way. . And def bu.
Any wise words please.

I'm not Neuro typical but I don't think even the NT s could put up with guests for that long.

Thank you.so.much . Realise i need to.adapt and learn .i sort of feel they wish they had a nt mother x

Get they to pay towards food

So how wd you say, without hurting feelings .. next year you can come for c mas OR new year but not.for the whole period.as its too much for me .

?

That's next year's worry, as sorting that time you can talk about your asd and how it affects you. You really need to be honest with them.

During that time, I meant.

Can you get any anxiety medication? You sound very stressed about this.

Hi OP,
I just wanted to say that you sound a lovely caring mum full of love and so am sure you have brought up your children to be lovely caring people too. It is okay to feel simultaneously that they are awesome and you love them to bits but that you need space from them and your routines. One feeling doesn't minimise or negate the other if that makes sense. So please do not feel guilt for feeling how you feel. It is always okay to want to feel in control and safe. Sorry i don't have loads of tips to add but your post really resonated with me and i just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas and say be kind to yourself. I think it is always okay to say something like i just feel a bit overwhelmed as it's such a busy time of year so you guys enjoy your walk (or whatever) and ill see you at x time for x dinner. If that helps as it gives you the chance for a little space and also sets a boundary of when/what the food arrangements etc. Are without you having to feel like your being bossy or focusing on it or anything. P.s. Remember we are always here for you to rant to if you need it and we are all rooting for you x

Thank you very much .
I am intrested that it resonates with others and hope that you are ok.
Ive been doing really well... had good day.y day. However, just had bath. Messaged dh to.say.please tell dc not to disturb me unless urgent as i forgot to say. He did not see rhe text
message, so didnt tell others ( un be known to me )
Was going to meditate balance self.
5 mins later knock on bathroom door.a question .i replied do not.disturb me ask dh.
5 mins later knock on door. Did i want a drink?. Instead of a kind reply i got really stressed and shouted leave me alone. My heart is racing. I tried to set boundaries.
I guess i need to meditate now and then say sorry.
I was doing well but now i feel a terrible human.!

Just say sorry in a bit when you've had a minute the fact that your bothered about this shows that you are lovely and that you care. We have all done stuff like this I'm sure you are NOT a terrible human at all whatsoever. X

Thank you so much.
Just felt totally overstimylated.
You are very kind .

I know and understand the feeling. It is not your fault you feel overstimulated and you were trying to address it. I know you feel bad you snapped or something but that was a symptom of how you feel i think if that makes sense. I hope you know what i mean. It is difficult i think also because every one seems to have expectations of how Christmas should be and how people should behave. Expectations and attitudes created by the media, society, all sorts what i am trying to say is i think people feel things should be a certain way but that doesn't suit all of us and that is totally okay and not our fault. Hope that makes some sense. X

Thànk you all so much for your support and help.
I have taken on much of your advice. Only 5 days to go ! Love them dearly ,but oh so tired.!

Geez, I managed 3 hours socialising (plus travel) & it's taken me 3 days to recover.

Focus on one thing...

Divide all tasks into urgent/now, urgent /later & not urgent/not now.

Bin off everything else. Delegate jobs. Nap. 😁

Don't shame yourself at any point. It's easy to feel you should make more effort but you can't, not won't, so no shame.