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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to return/exchange an expensive (wedding) gift?

20 replies

irene88 · 20/12/2021 09:45

Ok, so a bit of background: I'm Spanish but live in the UK with my also Spanish partner. We just got married and celebrated a wedding with our family, and are expecting our first child, so I am 22 weeks pregnant.

In my nuclear family, we have always returned or exchanged gifts when unsuitable. I have exchanged items of clothing and jewellery from my mom a few times, and so has she. I won't say this wasn't upsetting at times, which is why in the last few years my parents have decided to note when I'm talking about a want/need and give me money towards that item (e.g. a new winter coat, a keyboard, a ukulele). I have then started a search for the right item for me and used that money towards that item. To us it counts as a gift from them even if I was the one to choose the right ukulele and go to the store. I personally think that's what makes the most sense, and I'm happy I got to select those items.

Now, my siblings-in-law have very kindly gifted us a cooking robot and gifted the actual object to us during the wedding. This means that we have to take it with us to the UK, either as part of our luggage or send it by post. This means extra risk for the machine, and an extra hassle, plus paying for customs and having to go pick up the item when back in the UK. To top this off, the machine is by a Spanish make, which means that any issues with it or broken parts will be much harder to fix as they don't sell it in the UK so they don't have retailers.

Another pet peeve of mine is that this is something I was planning on buying myself at some point, and I'd probably have purchased a better quality item (more expensive, because we are lucky we can afford it) that will hopefully last us longer and have fewer issues, it's the same reason we have invested in a Dyson vacuum cleaner rather than a cheaper alternative. I know these machines are prone to technical problems as they have a lot of parts and there's a lot that can go wrong with them, and I've read reviews on our particular machine and it does seems like we'll have issues with it.

My in-laws think it's rude of me to suggest we return the item and use the money towards another machine that's either from an international make or a UK make for easier access to a technician. They also think that if something breaks we can just throw it away, but that it's ungrateful to return it even when it's adding so many problems (transportation, lack of technical support).

My parents, on the other hand, think like me and agree that while the intention behind the gift is clearly good, the execution has not been thought through.

I have already apologised to the gifters in case their feelings have been hurt, and we will be taking the machine with us as luggage (my husband's decision, not mine). If something breaks, apparently we'll just throw it out. I'd like to hear what other people think of this situation though, as it seems the usual thing to do with unsuitable gifts is to accept them politely and move on, which to me sounds incredibly wasteful on all accounts!

OP posts:
earlydoors42 · 20/12/2021 10:18

What is a cooking robot?

ApolloandDaphne · 20/12/2021 10:21

I don't know what a cooking robot is either. I can't gauge if it is large or small, expensive or cheap etc. Can you elaborate please OP?

girlmom21 · 20/12/2021 10:26

It's not unreasonable to return the item. They don't need to know you returned it. If it's not something you'll use, and it's going to cause you hassle and cost you money, it's not a good gift.

Take it back OP.

SunnySideDownBriefly · 20/12/2021 10:26

Ooh, is this like a Thermomix? I think it makes perfect sense to return the gift and buy similar (but better) when you arrive in the UK. The issue is that this is your husband's family so it's probably best to keep quiet now and just get the robot cooker you want, when you want. I know it's illogical and annoying but it's a good example of just stepping back and letting things go which you may need to do on occasion in your marriage! I understand you though - I am very logical like this too but many people aren't.

Aprilx · 20/12/2021 10:26

I have no idea what a cooking robot is either, but it sounds like it is something somebody put thought into as you mentioned you wanted one. So yes, I think it would be rude to take it back and get a more expensive model.

irene88 · 20/12/2021 10:27

Hi! Sorry, maybe that's not what we call it in English. It's one of those kitchen appliances that do many things, like a Thermomix. They come with a lot of accessories for cooking casseroles, rice, soups, etc! They now come in a wider range of prices, ours is around £270

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 20/12/2021 10:28

@earlydoors42

What is a cooking robot?
Guessing a thermomix.
NameChangeCity123 · 20/12/2021 10:35

Congrats on wedding and baby. Could you not just have returned their gift without telling them? I wouldn't want to lug it back to the UK either and think all of your other reasons were valid too. If I was the gift giver I'd rather you got something you will use. Sounds like they made a good choice which was a nice gift and what you're replacing it with isn't a million miles away so I personally wouldn't be offended by you swapping it

Boogaloony · 20/12/2021 10:38

So it's like an instant pot? I'm not one for returning gifts normally but I'm your sites I absolutely would. I imagine the warranty would be invalidated if you were intentionally running it off a different electrical currency than the manufacture recommends.

roses2 · 20/12/2021 10:47

Can you return it for cash though without the receipt? I would accept it gracefully then return it and not tell them.

FlowerFlour · 20/12/2021 11:35

Isn't the plug different for a Spanish appliance vs a UK one?

Say you can't safely use it in the UK due to the electrics, but you'll return it and buy the same item with a UK plug, then just buy the item you want.

I think it's very weird to buy someone a heavy appliance when they live in another country.

ditalini · 20/12/2021 11:41

They were very inconsiderate to give you a bulky gift when they knew you would have to transport it to the UK. YANBU to return it and use the money to buy similar when you get home.

earlydoors42 · 20/12/2021 11:45

Thanks. I've never heard of a Thermomix either. I would very much like a robot to.cook for me though.

RealBecca · 20/12/2021 15:51

Rude to say you want a better one and want their thoughtful gift to be a contribution.

Should have said thanks and either sold it or used it.

irene88 · 20/12/2021 17:36

We didn't get a receipt and we suspect it was purchased more than 30 days ago anyway! I mean, we ARE going to take it with us, it's a done deal as my husband is uncomfortable with returning it.

I just wanted to know other people's views on the matterGrin

FWIW I never told them (or anyone besides my parents) that the item doesn't meet my expectations in terms of quality, as I agree that'd be rude and snobbish of me. I only said to them I was concerned about technical support in the (likely, from what I've seen) event of an issue.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 20/12/2021 17:59

Is anyone else visualising the Mash robots wheeling around the kitchen with their whisks?Grin

Fangdango · 20/12/2021 18:03

@FlowerFlour

Isn't the plug different for a Spanish appliance vs a UK one?

Say you can't safely use it in the UK due to the electrics, but you'll return it and buy the same item with a UK plug, then just buy the item you want.

I think it's very weird to buy someone a heavy appliance when they live in another country.

Great solution - I wouldn't even say I'd buy the same model, just another one ...
peboh · 20/12/2021 18:16

I think it comes across ungrateful to return it for a better one, when they've clearly thought about you and your wants when purchasing.
However given the travel etc, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to return it as you can't get it back to the U.K. Then they can choose whether or not they want to pay for the postage, or return and gift you something else.

Houseplantmad · 20/12/2021 18:19

Hmmm, we'll at least it's not the heavy pottery wine cooker (all 18!inches tall and wide of it) that we were given at our wedding in NZ and expected to transport back to the UK. It was a commission so couldn't be returned and was hideous (you put the boxed wine inner bag into it). It spent many a year at my brother's as a door stop.

Helpstopthepain · 20/12/2021 18:21

I think it is rude. Just say thank you and then do what you want with it. Dump it, sell it, break it… they don’t need to know.

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