Telling him to change his ways?

[sleighbelleuk]

My partner has slowly shut himself away from the world over the past 10 years. I'm now the only person he really sees (and that's because we live together!).

His parents are only 5 minutes away, but he sees them maybe 3 or 4 times a year. He hasn't seen any of his friends for five years, and I don't even know that they would call themselves friends anymore.

I'm facing Christmas day at home, waiting for him to get up, because he normally sleeps until the afternoon.

Am I unreasonable for wanting him to change his ways? To make an effort to see other people/ leave the house sometimes? To get up at a normal time? To make more of an effort?

I'm at the point where I don't want to be with him anymore, but stay because I feel bad that he has no-one else.

Have you asked him why he behaves like this? Sounds like depression and maybe a visit to gp? Ultimately you would nbu to leave if you need a different life, depends if you want to try and sort it out or are past caring

Agoraphobia? Depression? I knew someone who was in a relationship with an agoraphobic DP for a decade. She really tried very hard but eventually they split. I always felt she wasted so much of her life with DP, please don't do the same.

Why would you live like this?

This may sound heartless but I have very little patience with this sort of behaviour.

Yes he may be depressed and people with chronic depression do deserve consideration, sympathy and support, but there comes a point at which living like that and refusing to engage with the needs of your loved ones becomes profoundly selfish.

You don't say whether he's sought help for this. If he hasn't done, that should be an absolute red line.

I would not tolerate this. Depression or no depression. It's not reasonable to expect to drag your entire family down like this.

Only he can change himself
Maybe he needs help
Tell him once "go to gp"
Then leave
make yourself a better life
Any dc?

Where is his concern for you? You don’t want to stay but feel bad for him, but he’s not feeling the same towards you.

I said YABU because we only have ONE life and it’s not for wasting waiting for someone to get up!