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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

We’re all sick but he’s ‘sicker’

22 replies

Nosleepingclub · 19/12/2021 17:49

Firstly, just want to say, please be gentle I’m really exhausted, upset and feeling alone so I don’t particularly want to be torn to shreds if I am in the wrong.

On Thursday this week my husband caught hand, foot and mouth off our toddler. I also have it but nothing in comparison to my son, who has an extremely bad case and was absolutely covered head fo toe in bleeding, weeping sores, awful temperature and just feeling super sad (he’s now on the mend thank goodness!)

My husband has visible sores all over his face and ears, they look absolutely awful, I do really feel for him! For one day he did have a high temperature and I told him on the Thursday to call a doctor but he refused. I ended up calling 111 on late Saturday night because he felt so unwell.

Whilst also have a very mild version of hand foot and mouth myself, I’ve had a chest infection for 3 weeks along with sinusitis for 2 weeks. I’ve felt absolutely rough as anything and on top of that my poor toddler hasn’t slept right in a week and half as his temp kept spiking, so I’ve slept in with him nearly every night to keep an eye on him. I’m doing all night wake ups, morning wakes, everything, I’m beyond exhausted.

Suffice to say, everyone in this house is feeling shitty, yet my husband is laying in bed all day, everyday and has done since Tuesday (as he didn’t feel right since then supposedly).

I’m doing everything on my own, along with sorting all things Christmas related.

My husband has a history of being completely unhelpful with our children and housework, but as we’re both off work for the holiday season it’s only me doing everything.

Am I being unreasonable to be secretly seething or should I maybe be more sympathetic to his illness and move on?

I know people will tell me to stop doing everything for him and the house but it will just turn into madness if I don’t and if I cook meals, I automatically cook enough for him because, well I’m not mean haha

My friend (who knows none of this) told me her husband has COVID and said in passing that although he still feels unwell, he was making them dinner and was putting their baby to bed (she wasn’t bragging, it was just a running commentary of each other’s day). It made me so sad that I feel I’m all alone doing this whilst he’s in bed playing games on his phone 😔

YABU - he’s sick, you should be more sympathetic
YANBU - you’re both sick, he should be helping as well

OP posts:

purplesequins · 19/12/2021 17:53

yanbu
he is a parent as well and needs to 'man up' and do his 50%

Suzanne999 · 19/12/2021 17:58

Of course he’s sicker—- he’s a man. No bloody stamina.

Try this for sinusitis. Works every time recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=1390712
Hope you and your son feel better soon.

happychristmasbum · 19/12/2021 17:59

YANBU he sounds like a waste of space.

Your friend though - I don't think I would want someone with Covid putting my baby to bed! When my friend had covid, her DP had to pick up all the childcare as she was advised not to have too much contact with her 5 month old (formula fed)

Nearly broke her heart but who would risk their baby?

OkThenJustChill · 19/12/2021 18:00

He's CF! There is no way I would allow him to be in bed all day. Or if he really insisted then I would put your son in bed with him so that you can crack on (and dare I say have a rest yourself).

Unrealnotunrealistic · 19/12/2021 18:01

Take his phone away, maybe he’ll feel better?

ChikiTIKI · 19/12/2021 18:04

When you're both that ill, you take turns to have naps while the other cares for child. It still feels brutal but doing it all on your own... That's not on is it.

Freddiefox · 19/12/2021 18:05

Stop doing everything, why are you secretly seething? Stop being a mug and get him up. He’s been in bed for 6 days while you run around doing everything.

Get him up, and when you are all better talk to him about how it made you feels

ChikiTIKI · 19/12/2021 18:05

P. S..... Turn off the WiFi

Chouxfun · 19/12/2021 18:08

My husband has a history of being completely unhelpful with our children and housework, but as we’re both off work for the holiday season it’s only me doing everything.

This is the bigger issue, I'm sure if he was otherwise a more equal parent and did his share around the house it would still be hard going but not as likely he's just taking the mick. I have to say I had hand, foot and mouth and was the most poorly I think I've ever been, but given how he normally is and the fact you're ill as well he's being a chancer and selfish. Even if he brought a duvet down and had a duvet day on the sofa with some films with DS to give you a lie in it would help wouldn't it.

Jeschara · 19/12/2021 18:09

He is not being fair, tell him he has to get out of bed and start helping you. He is a lazy, and uncaring. Please stop enabling this man, as it will have a affect on your health.
I really hate men like this.

Duchess379 · 19/12/2021 18:12

Tell DH about your friends husband. 'he's got covid & is still chipping in with chores'. Seriously, he's just be a lazy fucker!

lemmein · 19/12/2021 18:24

Eurgh, my friends DH is like this - absolute waste of space. Always sicker than everyone else; always starts with some form of illness the first day of the school holidays - can't stand the man.

No advice OP cos there's no way I'd put up with it. On the plus side, these type of men are so useless that you'll barely notice him missing if you boot his arse out!

EmoIsntDead · 19/12/2021 18:32

YANBU my husband and I both have a really heavy come. Both tested negative for covid but have cancelled weekend plans to stay at home. He spent yesterday on the couch moaning and today he's gone back to bed for part of the afternoon.

I, on the other hand, have wrapped all our xmas pressies, defrosted the freezer and cleaned out the fridge. At least my time at home hasnt been wasted!

justasking111 · 19/12/2021 18:35

Tell his mother she can put a rocket under him. Hide the router

TurquoiseDragon · 19/12/2021 18:42

@lemmein

Eurgh, my friends DH is like this - absolute waste of space. Always sicker than everyone else; always starts with some form of illness the first day of the school holidays - can't stand the man.

No advice OP cos there's no way I'd put up with it. On the plus side, these type of men are so useless that you'll barely notice him missing if you boot his arse out!

My ex could be like this too. Ex for many reasons, this included.

1Dandelion1 · 19/12/2021 18:51

I hope you are not fetching him drinks and meals. If childcare falls to you, food and drink (for everyone) falls to him!

Elieza · 19/12/2021 19:15

He’s learned that after being asked to do something, if he doesn’t do it, that you will come by and do it anyway. So no incentive to do it hence he doesn’t bother his arse.

This time it’s difficult to tell if he’s crying wolf or not.

However he has already proved he is a lazy bastard so I’d jump to that conclusion this time.

Tell him you’re ill too and he needs to do his share. Stop taking him in food and drink. He can get them himself. And the second he’s up be all ‘oh good you’re up, soandso needs done’ As others have said switch off the WiFi as you would with a teen. If he behaves like a child…

I just hope dc havent worked out his strategy or they will do it too when they are older and you’ll be a full time skivvy to them all.

You deserve better. I hope you feel better soon.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 19/12/2021 19:30

My DH was REALLY ill with hand, foot and mouth, so I was on the verge of saying you were BU until I read the last line about him playing games on his phone!! He may well have been really ill to start with, but if he was that ill now, there's no way he'd be able to do anything let alone play games! Stop running around after the lazy git, he's taking the piss now!

AutumnAlmanack · 19/12/2021 19:32

What on earth is hand, foot and mouth? I have never heard of it.

tiredanddangerous · 19/12/2021 19:40

If you're both I'll you need to be taking it in turns to go to bed for a couple of hours. He needs to get off his arse and be a parent.

Sceptre86 · 19/12/2021 19:55

You should know that yanbu and the fact that you need to ask speaks volumes. Your friend had higher expectations or standards of her dh than you. So what are you going to do about it? If not a lot then there is not much point in arguing so I would just soldier on. If you do want to make a change then speak about it, tell the useless lump that it's not acceptable and he needs to shape up or he is getting shipped out.

Spidey66 · 19/12/2021 20:37

I'm on the fence. If you're ill or injured it can sometimes be very difficult for non sufferers to understand exactly how shit you feel.

I fractured my shoulder and needed surgery mid September. Although I'm much better, those around me sometimes expect me to reach up high, put my hand behind my back, go swimming, and be completely pain free and I'm not, I'm 55 and my joints aint what they were and a fracture is more serious than it was 40 years back.

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