To cancel Christmas

[blondebraces]

My partner has completely done my head in today.

I've not been well this year and as and when I've felt OK I've tried to sort stuff out for xmas like buying in what we normally get and doing the cleaning/tidying/decorating. It's hard to describe but it's like he's been trying to stop me which is annoying when you don't have much energy or focus anyway.

We're not extravagant people but we have a few things we both usually enjoy at this time of year and he's played the "oh, let's wait, let's see" game with me until now not everything will get done.

Today he's saying we should not get a turkey and just have "something else".

He's also been really off and moody all day, having a go at me and complaining.

He just took the washing out of the machine and dumped it so he can do his shirts that he could have just waited to do, he's storming around slamming doors.

Would I be unreasonable to just give up? If he's determined to have nothing on xmas day and just sit in an un-decorated room being a twat then I don't see why I should fight to stop him.

@blondebraces

My partner has completely done my head in today.

I've not been well this year and as and when I've felt OK I've tried to sort stuff out for xmas like buying in what we normally get and doing the cleaning/tidying/decorating. It's hard to describe but it's like he's been trying to stop me which is annoying when you don't have much energy or focus anyway.

We're not extravagant people but we have a few things we both usually enjoy at this time of year and he's played the "oh, let's wait, let's see" game with me until now not everything will get done.

Today he's saying we should not get a turkey and just have "something else".

He's also been really off and moody all day, having a go at me and complaining.

He just took the washing out of the machine and dumped it so he can do his shirts that he could have just waited to do, he's storming around slamming doors.

Would I be unreasonable to just give up? If he's determined to have nothing on xmas day and just sit in an un-decorated room being a twat then I don't see why I should fight to stop him.

Do you have family? I'd go and spend Christmas Day with them and leave him to his misery. Is he trying to punish you for daring to be unwell do you think?

I'd be throwing the wet washing at him to sort out tbh.

The answer depends on whether you have children to disappoint. It sounds like he's upset or moody, and now he's got you upset. Could you try a conversation?

He is making work work for you by the sounds of it.

What are your options for going away for a bit?

@JustUseTheDoorSanta No kids, no family.

He'll probably apologize at some point, but then he just does the same thing again.

@prettyprinceofpartiez It can stay wet frankly. I've just had it.

Ugh. Go somewhere else for Xmas?

So - what exactly is his problem? What is he wanting to wait and wee about?

If i was you i'd do what you want and enjoy your xmas without hoping or seeking for his approval or permission.

@Laiste I have no idea what wait and see means. Like you say I will just try and enjoy myself now.

Tell him to stop stropping like a child and to tell you what the problem is or to piss off out until he grows up

No children no family ties you to him so I'd just leave or ask him to. Not always easy when there is rent or a mortgage to think about but he's clearly a selfish prick and sure you know deep down you'd be better off without him. If he won't leave or can't leave go away somewhere with a friend of family member if you can or a hotel...well if covid rules allow..life is to short to be unhappy with this weirdo x

Were you with him last year OP?

[quote blondebraces]@JustUseTheDoorSanta No kids, no family.

He'll probably apologize at some point, but then he just does the same thing again.[/quote]
Ok. Have a chat. If you can't work it out then maybe it's time to assess if this is the relationship you actually want. A "partner" should be making life better, not harder.

Was he like this then, if so?

A "partner" should be making life better, not harder. Well exactly!

It's a bit close to xmas to do a break up now, but i would be thinking along the lines of ''i'll do this xmas my way and i'll be doing my whole life my way after New Year!''.

OP

I’ll freely admit that I’m a particularly suspicious and cynical old bag, but is this the first time he’s been like this?

Because my very first thought was that he had alternative plans for Christmas, hence not wanting to make any firm plans with you, and that they’ve fallen through, hence his current tantrum.

Is 'Wait and see' actually 'wait and see if YOU do all the wifework like you usually do'? It sounds to me as though he's playing a complicated game of chicken: he'll do nothing as he thinks that's the way to force you to do things.