Am I being selfish?

[HopelesslyDevoted2u]

I'm in my 40s and my son is a teenager. This year I've mentioned to family that we'd like to have Christmas Day just me, DH and DS. I suggested to my parents we could see them on Christmas Eve and my in laws on Boxing Day. The in-laws were fine with this and so was my mum. But my dad went crazy.
We find seeing both parents in one day exhausting for us and my son. 2 hours spent with each family and we don't get much time to ourselves. We've not sat down for our Christmas dinner till 7pm in the past!
My dad is very moody and rude and to be honest has spoiled a few Christmases in the past. I just don't want to be in that negative space on Christmas Day.
Anyway, bearing in mind my parents live about 15mins away, my dad has told me that he and my mum will call in on the 28th on their way to Tesco.
WOW, he's well and truly made me feel like shit. Now I feel like I'm being selfish, but I'm just trying to put my son and my mental health first for a change

Not selfish imo

Ha! He’s trying to provoke you, don’t fall for it, be all calm serenity.

It’s a bit of a shame for your mum but her choice. He sounds like a knob. Enjoy a peaceful and merry Christmas Day!

Why has he made you feel like shit?

You have set a boundary, for very good reasons. Just message back saying yes, that's fine, see you then.

Now I feel like I'm being selfish, but I'm just trying to put my son and my mental health first for a change

Read that back to yourself. Putting your son and your MH first is what you should be doing ALL THE TIME.
Ignore this bad behaviour from your dad, and do NOT get guilted into seeing them on Christmas Day.

Reply,great dad can you pick a few bits up for me? Chirpily and ignore his bad humour.
You do what you want to do you don't need to justify it or mention mh.just tell him what's what.

YANBU.

This sounds like a result. Enjoy Christmas Eve without moody and rude dad, and see them briefly on 28th.

Arrange a lunch or afternoon tea with mum so you don’t have to see dad.

You're not being selfish.

And your father sounds horrible.

This is how people like that get their own way; he wants to make you feel guilty and shitty so that you'll say, 'okay, we'll do it your way.'

Don't let him manipulate you. Tell him you'll see them on the 28th. Stay home and have a nice relaxed Christmas day in your own home.

Agree with pp. Don't let him make you feel shit! Message back "sounds great, see you then".

A cheery “wonderful, see you then!” is all that’s needed.

Even better - you get a relaxed Christmas Eve and Christmas Day

Don’t give in on this one.

Once you’ve done it your way once, and he sees you won’t give in, it’ll be easier next year. His company doesn’t seem a big loss anyway!

I agree, putting your MH and your son first is what you shod do all the time

Thanks all. Yes I am arranging to meet my mum in town this week for a coffee.
He always tries to control the situation and is obviously annoyed I'm making decisions that don't revolve around him. I have no intention of changing my mind, just hate the way he manages to make me feel rubbish no matter what I do.
Also, my brother is spending the day with them. I'd never leave anyone on their own at Christmas.
I just decided this year to put ourselves first.
It won't be long before my son is grown up with his own family and I'd like to make the most of this precious time x

Leave him to it.

The more you react to people like this the more power they have over you.

I hope you have a lovely day.

Tell the manipulative git to ring you before they leave as you might go out.