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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling unwell, genuine AIBU

18 replies

velvetwatermelon · 19/12/2021 15:25

Help Xmas Sad

I need stories from people who have experienced being a single parent to two young children with zero childcare options.

I'm do not believe I'm so unwell that I need medical attention, and I'm not looking for medical advice, just some friendly anecdotes from anybody else who's had to pick themselves up when they physically don't feel like they can any more. It's different to when I used to work. If I collapse on the way to work, most of everything would have remained fine.

I've changed my username because I live in sheltered accommodation. That's relevant because dad watching them isn't an option and I'm not allowed to have visitors here. I don't feel well enough to drive them all the way to my mum's to ask for respite, and also I'm not interested in making her unwell. Children are 3. I used to be a regular poster here and I don't have a troublesome history (I hope).

Does anyone have any reassuring tales, or memories of feeling the same? Where are you now?

OP posts:
Original poster
velvetwatermelon · 19/12/2021 15:26

Sorry; I guess the AIBU is Im wondering if there's more I could be doing to do better. I've been emotional, so having less patience with DCs makes me feel guilty and if there's something more I can do to make this situation easier, then I want to know if I'm BU by not recognising that.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 19/12/2021 15:30

Are you temporarily unwell or long term unwell?

Original poster
velvetwatermelon · 19/12/2021 15:35

I have long term illness which means that I'm generally very focused on managing my health, and also means that sometimes I feel quite unwell, but I've become quite good at managing that since moving here. It also means I know what an emergency looks like, and this ain't it. I'm just struggling. Over the past two weeks, we've all been unwell on and off. Today DC are feeling a lot better, so they have more energy, but I have full blown body aches and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. We got a PCR test two days ago and are all negative for Covid.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 19/12/2021 15:38

Do you have any friends in the accommodation who can help you or any kind of respite support available?

Senmumm2021 · 19/12/2021 15:46

When I've been unwell (as a very lone parent of 2) I had to learn to accept that surviving the day is an achievement. The mess can wait 2 or 3 days. Junk is fine for the kids. As is whatever keeps them entertained.

Lowering my expectations really has been the key to getting through illness

Original poster
velvetwatermelon · 19/12/2021 16:09

@girlmom21

Do you have any friends in the accommodation who can help you or any kind of respite support available?
Sadly no, we all keep ourselves to ourselves here. Our key workers and other support staff have finished for the Christmas period. I can call emergency numbers but I sincerely don't think this is an emergency. I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I'm frustrated that I can't just hop up and make drinks or food when DCs tell me they need something. If I'd had the foresight I would have prepared things beforehand to make sure I always have things on hand for them.
OP posts:
Twinklemacfinkle · 19/12/2021 16:10

At 3 it is ok for them to help with small things like getting the remote or putting toys away. They will probably love helping! Be kind to yourself, let them binge watch tv and play on tablets/phones ect. Fed is best so feed them whatever you can mamge even if its cereal. My children still occasionally ask for cereal for dinner. Even just putting random foods out and have a indoor picnic.
If you have a hallway get them to run up and down it and time them ect so they burn off a bit of energy or find kids excercise videos on youtube.

Original poster
velvetwatermelon · 19/12/2021 16:12

@Senmumm2021

When I've been unwell (as a very lone parent of 2) I had to learn to accept that surviving the day is an achievement. The mess can wait 2 or 3 days. Junk is fine for the kids. As is whatever keeps them entertained.

Lowering my expectations really has been the key to getting through illness

The junk comment is reassuring as today has very much been "what's in a packet" day.

Did you ever have to make them sit down quietly for a long period of time instead of letting them play? And did you feel bad about it? If you did, do you still feel bad in retrospect?

OP posts:
Original poster
velvetwatermelon · 19/12/2021 16:13

@Twinklemacfinkle exercise videos on yt is an excellent idea Smile

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 19/12/2021 16:26

I remember vividly the day I had a migraine when my twins were home with me. They must have been under 2, they were definitely walking and into everything.

I just took my painkillers, laid on the couch trying not to die and let them watch tv all day, feeding them whatever food was available that didn't need any prep. DH couldn't come home, not because he's so important or anything, it just unfortunately fell on a day when there was literally no one that could cover for him.

When he came home I went straight to bed.

My advice would be - don't fret. I know it's hard, but a few days of the bare minimum from you won't hurt them any, but trying to do too much might hurt you. So take things as easily as possible, stick them in front of the tv or tablet or whatever for as long as you can, give them bread and butter or whatever they will eat that requires minimal input from you. YouTube exercise is a brilliant idea. DON'T put a wash on; you'll only feel obliged to hang it up when it's done.

Take care of yourself. I hope you're better soon Flowers

junebirthdaygirl · 19/12/2021 16:32

I was extremely sick in all my pregnancies so as each baby came they had to be with me during next pregnancy. While dh was at work all day l often had to keep the toddlers in bed with me, reading stories, playing little games as l literally could not get out of bed except to run to the bathroom to throw up on a regular basis.
It's not easy for you. Can you all snuggle up in bed together and play back to back movies. It's about survival now. There will be lots of time for play another time but do whatever it takes to hang in there for now

Chely · 19/12/2021 16:38

I'm ill, baby is ill (youngest of 6). Dh is home but I am still doing all the cooking, cleaning and most childcare. I am used to powering through illness and injury as dh works away a lot.
Do what has to be done and do the rest when you feel better. So long as the kids are safe, fed and watered you're doing fine.

bowlingalleyblues · 19/12/2021 16:39

I know it’s not an emergency, but if you’re struggling to get food or medicine I think you should call and ask for help. You sound like the sort of person that doesn’t ask often, and many people may help to make it easier for your kids.

Chouxfun · 19/12/2021 16:42

Not the same per se, but DH spends a lot of time away with work and so I've been on my own with DS a lot and away from family etc. Being poorly as well is really bloody hard, but I now keep soke easy to cook frozen bits in the freezer and stuff in the cupboard DS can have, a loaf of bread and some milk in the freezer etc. Remember that tv is fine, as long as they are fed that's fine, can you lie on the settee with a blanket whilst they have their toys out and watch some TV etc?

Chouxfun · 19/12/2021 16:42

Also I would call the emergency number for advice and see if any help is available?

kiwifruitbanana · 19/12/2021 16:55

Yes I've been where you are as a lone parent of small DC. Chronically ill but also had some times where I was too poorly to cook them Christmas Dinner etc. We got through it, that was ten years ago and we're a close, loving team now. Your kids know you love them, what matters is getting support for yourself now. I know how tough it is.

ponkydonkey · 19/12/2021 16:57

Single mum here! The kids will understand it's not forever, just do lots of tv time and if you can cook them food and just have a tv on, blankets and cosy days
Well that's what I call it when I'm not well!

If you can call a friend and ask them to take the kids or some of them out for an hour?
Enlist the older ones to cook or tidy up?

RedHelenB · 19/12/2021 17:15

Stick em in front of the telly and doze through it on the sofa. I never had any help when I was a SP with young kids when I was ill
Let them eat easy good, crisp cakes it won't matter until you get better.

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