Told I need to have a more dominant personality

[Maddymorphosis]

Work in community care, and sometimes I feel like people's element of choice is taken away.
I completely understand the statement in my question, but I also dislike insisting (forcing) people to do things and wonder if I am cut out for this job.

For instance we have a lady with dementia who I went to visit yesterday morning. In her care plan it is stated that we are to support her to get washed and dressed. Yesterday she said she just wanted to stay in bed and asked me to bring her breakfast in bed. I asked once more to check if she was sure, said ok and then noted on the report that she hadn't been ready to get up yet.

When I arrived for the lunchtime visit her granddaughter was there. She asked me for 'a word' , told me that she was not happy at all that her grandmother was still in pyjamas and that I hadn't done my job correctly.

I explained she had not felt like getting up and that I had logged it, she then seemed to empathize and say her Grandma was sometimes stubborn and that it was hard but that I needed to 'have a more dominant personality'. She then compared me with another carer called Hannah who is 'much more dominant'.

I do understand the issue but also think the lady should be entitled to remain in bed if she wishes.

I've had it with another family where their elderly father doesn't always want to eat. We still make his meals and leave them out for him, but he won't always eat even if we prompt. The family complained we 'need to make sure he eats them'.

Outside of force feeding, there isn't much we can do.

Another lady who needed to be prompted to use the toilet. Sometimes she'd refuse, we'd try and prompt again but she'd still refuse, again we couldn't force her.
My agency sent out an email saying that "Walking to the toilet is not an option for her, we are to insist that she goes on every single visit."
My colleague also told me I needed to be 'firm' with her.

Maybe I am the problem, but I don't agree with trying to force the clients, they are grown adults but sometimes treated like babies. I'm not going to shout at them or get angry just to coerce them into things.

What would you do in these situations? Does it seem like I need to be stricter?

Even if they don't have capacity you can't just drag them out of bed or force feed them.

I wouldn't say you have to be more forceful or dominant but maybe more creative? As one person suggested maybe "oh I need to make the bed.. oh well now you're up shall we get you dressed?"

I think that families do see some carers that don't put effort in and get frustrated with what they perceive to be a lack of care.

I'm pretty shocked by your attitude to the toileting one- if I've understood correctly that person cannot go to the toilet on their own, only with help and therefore if they don't go when you are there then they won't be able to for quite a while? I think in that situation you do need to be firmer. Of course you can't force them but you have a duty of care so that they don't end up uncomfortable or soiling themselves when you leave (judging by the management response, this may have happened before?)

It's difficult as family want to see that you are getting them up and dressed etc.

To cover yourself, you maybe need to write something clearer/stronger in your visit log to reflect that you tried but in the end had to respect their wishes. I'd also include a sentence in the log asking the next carer to attempt to get them dressed if the clients is now happy to do so.

I would also email managers asking what to do in this situation and including your concerns about not forcing the client to get dressed. You've then got this and their response in writing!