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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Male friends....

15 replies

kelseypops · 18/12/2021 23:00

So I'm newly single after leaving an abusing and controlling marriage.

I'm having therapy to better myself and do not want any sort of relationship, I don't want to go on dates, no sex....nothing.

But it would be nice to have a male friend, some that I can just chat about day to day life too. I am missing male company even though my exH was a huge twat.

I'm up for making new friends full stop to be honest.

Is there any sort of sites/apps where this exists? Friendship only?

OP posts:

TurnUpTurnip · 18/12/2021 23:07

Frolo have a friendship app I believe you can be friends with males and females on there (it’s for single parent though so not sure if you have children?) I would be wary though as I suspect most men on apps probably aren’t looking for friendship...

Original poster

kelseypops · 18/12/2021 23:16

@TurnUpTurnip

Yeah I have dcs.

And that's what I'm afraid of! Just a male friend that is genuine would probably do me the world of good but no doubt hard to find.

OP posts:

TurnUpTurnip · 18/12/2021 23:23

I am sceptical about it as frolo have recently made a dating app so I can only imagine they felt a need to do so as people were probably using the app for dating... I can imagine a lot of men having no luck on dating sites so trying other ways through friendship apps etc maybe the meet-up app? Think that’s more of a group thing which would be better

DelurkingAJ · 18/12/2021 23:25

Who were your friends before you met your ex? I know if I had someone reappear who I’d been proper friends with even 20 years ago I’d be delighted and would try not to ask too many questions.

Original poster

kelseypops · 18/12/2021 23:28

@DelurkingAJ

Who were your friends before you met your ex? I know if I had someone reappear who I’d been proper friends with even 20 years ago I’d be delighted and would try not to ask too many questions.

Yeah there were a couple - I've been off social media for ages now but I think I'll maybe start a new fb and reach out to my friends I've lost touch with.

I'm just scared of who I let into my circle. I only need people who are good influences - seems obvious really but I'm just realising that now

OP posts:

nicesausages · 18/12/2021 23:30

Work and hobbies really. Depends what you do and what your interests are.
I've got loads of male friends from both

butterfly990 · 18/12/2021 23:37

Have a look at the website Meetup

Heruka · 18/12/2021 23:40

I think most websites designed to make friends will be used by men who want more as well. Since you are feeling vulnerable you should have your wanker radar turned up very high if you do this.

MojoMoon · 18/12/2021 23:44

Look at joining group activities rather than trying to meet men one to one via apps, even if it is supposed to be as friends.

What do you enjoy doing? Join a sports group? Hobbies? Learn a new skill? Look at meetup.com for group into music/arts etc in your area?
Volunteering? Doing a regular shift at the foodbank etc?

Something where the focus is on the activity itself can be a way of building healthy friendships without pressure

Original poster

kelseypops · 18/12/2021 23:56

Thank you all - in the new year I'm planning on doing a couple of new things. It never occurred to me I could actually meet new people that way. How sad!

It will just take time. I have no desire to meet anyone or be in a new relationship. I need to work on my self esteem and heal from my marriage.

My wanker raider is sky high!

OP posts:

Kite22 · 19/12/2021 00:10

@MojoMoon

Look at joining group activities rather than trying to meet men one to one via apps, even if it is supposed to be as friends.

What do you enjoy doing? Join a sports group? Hobbies? Learn a new skill? Look at meetup.com for group into music/arts etc in your area?
Volunteering? Doing a regular shift at the foodbank etc?

Something where the focus is on the activity itself can be a way of building healthy friendships without pressure

This. Get out and about doing something you will enjoy. Incidentally, from getting out you then mingle with other people with similar interests, and, the more you meet, the more likely you are to develop friendships. You can't plan to "make a friend" - it evolves through time spent together. If you are spending that time doing something you enjoy, then even before those friendship bonds happen, you are still having a good time each week doing whatever it is you choose.

Original poster

kelseypops · 19/12/2021 00:17

@Kite22 thank you. It makes perfect sense! Cannot wait to see what next year brings xx

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 19/12/2021 00:20

Hobby groups can be good places to make friends. I'm not sure why the gender of a friend matters though?

Pinkbonbon · 19/12/2021 00:20

Go to group meetups and meet men and women I group situations and see what happens. Chances are are if you just meet a guy on his own there will be some expectation or more than friendship.

Original poster

kelseypops · 19/12/2021 00:24

@Stompythedinosaur

Hobby groups can be good places to make friends. I'm not sure why the gender of a friend matters though?

Honestly neither am I. Like I said, I really don't want anything more than friends. I have absolutely zero male friends though.

Could be something much deeper, I'm having therapy that may get to the answer.

I just miss the feeling of male company. Maybe just a friendship to help me realise that there are genuine good guys out there. Or to help build my confidence up around men as it's been well and truly shot down by exH.

OP posts:

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