Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To gift or not to gift

13 replies

Miserylegs · 18/12/2021 19:09

Looking for some help to settle what is a long-standing cause of bickering.

My wife (40) tells me (38) that I sometimes don’t show her her worth through what I buy her vs what I say we should buy as gifts for others.

As a bit of background, she doesn’t like jewellery, she doesn’t like clothes (as she’s dieting and yet to be at what she says is her ideal weight), she’s not a fan of perfumes, likes to choose her own make up but she does like chocolates.

For her last birthday, I bought her flowers and will regularly buy her like a cheesecake or something (which she is a fan of).

Going back to the recent flare up of this, she’s been telling me on the one had that she wants a box of chocolates. But she’s also dieting and feels like she’s behind on her exercising and we need to budget. We were discussing what we should get our babysitter as thanks and decided on a 30–40 budget. I then suggested we should also get her something like a box of donuts (which would have been free via my employer) and this brought it all back. Why would I suggest a sweet treat for our babysitter but not get her a box of chocs.

AIBU for not getting a small box of chocs? Should I pay no heed to when I’m being told she’s dieting and working out?

Looking for any help as I genuinely get very confused by this. As a bit more background, my employer a few months ago sent me a full box of chocs (that we split and I then gave more to her because I only eat choc now n then) and, just last week, I was told they’re sending me more and I asked her to choose which one we should get.

Am I making much sense?
MiseryLegs

OP posts:
SoSickOfItNow · 18/12/2021 19:17

Cheesecake isn’t great for someone on a diet either. Maybe she’d rather have chocolates.

Flowers I don’t see as a gift on their own. Nice enough but I can buy something to look cheerful in a vase from the local supermarket so it isn’t something I’d want DH to buy as my actual ‘gift’.

I actually saw something the other day which said if you buy flowers that, unless you unwrap them, trim them and tidy up, what you are actually gifting someone is a chore. That sums up how I feel tbh.

Maybe ask her what she would really like as a gift? Maybe it’s isn’t about chocolates at all.

Billyliarohdear · 18/12/2021 19:24

I've just told my DP i would be happy with a box of chocolates for Christmas.
In hindsight, I don't think I would be.
I've had a 'good' day in terms of eating so I feel right now I'd love chocolates BUT on any other day when I've been eating crap and my clothes are feeling snug I'd be so annoyed with a box of chocolates.
Confused
Overall I'd say don't buy chocolates ( or cheesecake- weird how she's ok with thatConfused)

Wagamamasforlunch · 18/12/2021 19:30

Flowers on their own are a pretty shit gift from your husband. Unless you have specifically said that you are not doing gifts or whatever.

Don't you ever ask her for some hints of what she would like? If she's into exercising and dieting atm, some fitness equipment or gym clothes (nice pair of sweaty Betty leggings for example, or a gift card for there)? Or something that interests her, a book or tickets for something that she would like to see?

What did she get you for your last birthday?

Wagamamasforlunch · 18/12/2021 19:35

Hmm just properly read the bit about her wanting chocolates and then not. In that case, don't buy her anything based on her appearance.

AIBU for not getting a small box of chocs? Should I pay no heed to when I’m being told she’s dieting and working out?

Buy her the small box of chocolates and start reassuring her that she looks great as she is. All of your "she doesn't like/want this" present ideas are based around her appearance. She's probably fishing for reassurance that your find her attractive.

esloquehay · 18/12/2021 22:31

Is this a reverse, as I have never heard a guy refer to chocolates as chocs. 🤔

Chocolatewheatos · 18/12/2021 22:45

Experiences? Dinner out? Day out? Holidays? Small high quality chocolates.

TokenGinger · 18/12/2021 22:52

Flowers are such a shit gift. I feel so disappointed when DP buys flowers as a birthday or Christmas gift. They die. You may as well just burn your money in front of her.

You can diet and work out and still enjoy chocolates within a calorie deficit diet. In fact, when I am restricting my calories, I always ensure I save 80 calories a day for a Lindt truffle or 95 calories for a Caramel Freddo. I look forward to it all day. Buy her what she is asking for.

There are other things you can buy for her, too. Handbag, slippers (my DP has just bought me some Ugg ones for Christmas which I'm very excited for), winter boots, wellies, trainers for the gym, leggings for the gym etc., a spa treatment/massage.

TokenGinger · 18/12/2021 22:59

If she does work out, I highly recommend these leggings. They are high waisted and have a tie waist so they stay up really well in the gym, and they suck me in so nicely. They have lots of different colours but black is a good starting point. For reference, I'm a size 16 and wear size L (short leg in black - I'm 5'3). I also saw a code on Instagram for 20% off - WHODARESWINS

sculptactivewear.com/collections/leggings

Nsky · 18/12/2021 23:13

Booja booja make fab chocs

PostingForTheFirstTime · 18/12/2021 23:15

Does your wife have any interests that you know of other than dieting, chocolate and cheesecake?

Books, DVDs, games, experiences, pottery, stationery/pens, cookware (specialist stuff she'd appreciate, rather than saucepans), gardening stuff, picture frames, wall art, pottery art, quality boots/shoes for walking/exercise, funky socks, oversize funky jumper, a new phone....

I don't even know your wife and I'm showing more imagination than you can muster.

HollowTalk · 18/12/2021 23:16

Flowers are for the whole family surely? They're on display and everyone enjoys them. Can't you buy her something that is personal to her but isn't affected by her size? So what about scarves, hats, handbags, perfume, a massage, a hair appointment etc?

HollowTalk · 18/12/2021 23:17

Sorry, just realised that she doesn't like perfume.

Does she like books? Does she have any hobbies? If you know her well you will know what she would like.

steff13 · 18/12/2021 23:19

@esloquehay

Is this a reverse, as I have never heard a guy refer to chocolates as chocs. 🤔
OP cold be a woman. And really no one should refer to them as chocs.
New posts on this thread. Refresh page