To not be responsible for my colleague's happiness

[TheLasrStraw]

I have a co-worker who moans a lot. Nothing is ever right, although many of her complaints are valid.

But she brings me and the rest of her team down in terms of mood.

I feel like saying she should leave if she's so unhappy but obviously I won't say that.

But what can I say?

YANBU. Could you out on headphones?

If not, I would just I’ve got a lot to do today, no time to moan.

"Sorry whinge bag, I have a lot to do today going to put my head phones on and get on with my work." Every. Single. Time.

I have said that in the past OP, asked a colleague outright why she is working here when she is so fed up with it all. I can't say it went down brilliantly but at least she left me alone afterwards.

You can word it kindly - aw Moany, don’t stay somewhere that makes you so unhappy, it can’t be good for you.

We had one of these on my old team. We had such a great team of people and she really ruined the dynamic with her constant negativity.

A few of us left. I honestly don’t know what to recommend - we tried everything and nothing worked. We all just got sick of it in the end. Funnily enough she has eventually just left - so maybe yours will leave soon!

I used to put on headphones to tune out the droning, with the excuse that it made me more productive in our open plan office.

Maybe a heads up to management that you're concerned a colleague's in distress and it's troubling you and causing you to be distracted from your work.

Dealing with it is their job, not yours.

I've just left a job because I was unhappy, and one of the last things I saw before I left was a colleague's expression. He moans constantly as well, and the day I left he looked so so pissed off as he grumbled about something, but his face was like a sullen child.

I felt like saying fucking hell just leave! I didn't though, but I'm glad I've left, seeing him everyday brings us all down, everything was wrong, he didn't help himself really.

I want to know what's going on so I don't want to mute her entirely.

But I need to think "shame she's unhappy but I'm making the best of the situation."

I absolutely would tell her. "You don't seem very happy here have you thought about doing something else?"

I'd also tell her that whilst I understood her complaints, she was bringing everyone down.

In the past, I have called similar colleagues out on this, in the nicest possible way.

I have pointed other possible jobs out for them, asked which resignation date they are working towards (school, so fixed dates each term), asked if it is worth involving them in particular projects 'or will you have left by then?".

I hate just ongoing moaning and mood hoovering without any attempt to improve the situation someone is complaining about. Put up or shut up.

Buy her a mug for Christmas that says.. "Mood Hoover" on it

I work somewhere where things are a bit crap and have to try really hard not to moan endlessly. I am lucky I suppose as others moan back to me so it is two-way.

I think the best thing to do is to say something like 'I know it is really hard at times working here, but the way I get through it is trying to zone out the negative things and focus on my work - so I am sorry but I don't want to talk much about the problems'. Ultimately your colleague is not doing anything really wrong - if you were of similar nature you could have a companionable moan. So don't make it about her, but do set out that you don't want to take part because you have a different approach.

Thinking they are a Mood Hoover will help me!

They are the sort of person who says they don't like their lunch and then cleans their plate!

I spent a long time in a job I hated and I'm sure I moaned a lot, but it wasn't easy for me to find something else because I'm disabled. Sometimes feeling trapped affects people's outlook in general.

@FangsForTheMemory thanks for explaining. I am not aware that they are disadvantaged in anyway.

I'd confide in our line manager but they are useless.

I had to put with this in my previous job and I did ask if they had looked for other jobs as they seemed so unhappy. They told me there wasn't much being advertised. When I looked, I found a job with more money and less hours so I ended up leaving and I am so glad I did. I did let my manager know that hearing such negativity each shift did make me look for another job after I had given my notice.