To finally accept there are things I just can’t influence

[FinallyAccepting]

My DD has HLA. It’s not as severe as some kids that I know but then she does random things/has a meltdown/retreats into her imaginary world. Unfortunately she is now of an age where whilst still mainstream, and generally coping, there are doors that are now closing like acceptance on camps or at events because the organisers have said they couldn’t manage her without impact on other participants.

I have always thought there are elements of her behaviour that I can guide to minimise these barriers and find that a lot of my time is taken trying to explain or help her understand. Not to take away her personality but help her get the most out of thing. But it seems that even when something has had to be cancelled that she is truly gutted about, nothing seems to impact, her take on things can’t change. I only want her to have the best life she can have for her knowing at some point we won’t be here and that the stats are stark - only 18% of adults with diagnosed autism having full time jobs for example…

Aibu to think there are just things that I just can’t change, that those barriers will exist and my darling but challenging little girl will just bear the brunt of a world that she will always be part of but can’t access in the way a NT child might. And that little I do will truly change that

I know you're talking about your DD but I think it's a good mantra for life generally. Things are so much less stressful now I realise I can't influence control everything!

One thing to remember about the 18% is how much better we are at diagnosing autism than we were 20+ years ago.

That must mean that there are a hell of a lot of adults walking round completely unaware of the fact that they have autism. Logically these will be the least affected. And so the diagnosed will be the worst affected.

So the 18% is actually “18% of those whose autism was severe enough to be diagnosed at a time when we were really rubbish at diagnosing”.

My aspergers son missed out on the visit to the trampoline centre yesterday because they play the music too loudly. I wish the world was more accommodating.

@Mumoftwoinprimary

Just because a person hasn't been diagnosed doesn't mean that they're not suffering and unemployed.

[quote Forion]@Mumoftwoinprimary

Just because a person hasn't been diagnosed doesn't mean that they're not suffering and unemployed.[/quote]
Maybe. But I work in the mathematical world. Nearly all of us were “quirky”, “freaky” or “weird” as kids. Are some of us neuro diverse? Probably. Am I? Quite possibly. But none of us are diagnosed. I know one person who is now seeking diagnosis. I’ve done a couple of online quizzes about it - one said I was, one said I wasn’t. I’m getting on with my life.

The point of my post though is not to take too much from a statistic unless you are sure that both the numerator and the denominator are relevant. And I don’t think the denominator is.

Trying to minimise the effect that autism can have on a person isn't really helpful.

And it's nice that you're getting on with your life, many of us can't because of our - diagnosed - autism.

I don’t think I’m doing any of those things. I’m encouraging the Op to not torture herself over an upsetting statistic that is based on a world very different to the one we now live in.

@Forion Ok, so you don’t see the logic in encouraging someone to see why it might not be brilliant to for example just pinch someone on the nose or run around at a camp when everyone else is paying attention to the person leading it. That’s where I have been coming from…

However, if it will never be helpful as, in your words it is just ‘minimising’, and therefore logically have no impact, what would be helpful?