Disciplining toddler

[fifiKma]

So I'm pretty sure on this one just wondered if I might be slightly in the wrong too.
I have a very sweet if a little mischievous 16 month old boy. He's a live wire for sure. The last few times at the pool he's being doing crazy things (throwing off his towel and running naked giggling into the sports village hall, peeing in a shower drain etc.) but last week he wriggled away from me when he saw the pool and bolted to it and of course fell on his face and got a nasty bump. I told this to my mum and she had a go at me for not discipling him. I sit him down and say no when he's naughty on purpose but she says I should shout at him more and take him home etc. I don't feel like that would work when he's crying or just trying to have fun.

Is he even old enough that would work? He's a puddle of tears if anyone shouts. We aren't shouty people. My parents on the other hand are. Then again part of me wonders if I'm just lax and lack discipline? If I'm honest I don't really see anyone elses kids doing this kind of thing at the pool, maybe he needs kept on a tighter leash but he's so strong willed and wriggly!

@NannaMcPhoo I wouldn’t say anything if my 16 month old peed in a shower drain. My toddlers weren’t really aware of when they were peeing at that age. Occasionally they peed on the floor after I took them out of the bath, they weren’t being naughty, they were just being babies.

I think he is too young to understand what ‘naughty’ is. Discipline won’t mean anything to him, he will just think you’re being mean for no reason. You just have to try and prevent him behaving this way if possible!

Adhd child who was wild as toddler. I took a light stroller everywhere and reins as he was a bolter and climber. If I couldn't hold him he was strapped in his stroller to keep him safe.

It’s useful to think of discipline as teaching rather than as punishment.

Teaching happens through consequences, but also through modelling and preparation.

And give yourself grace because you’re learning too - it takes a few mistakes to realise what dangers we need to anticipate, especially as children’s abilities keep changing.

Putting a child into a buggy when they run off/don’t hold your hand/ are having a sit down protest is an effective consequence but there’s no particular benefit to doing it crossly when you can do it with warmth and firm kindness.

I wouldn’t have shouted at a crying child who had already fallen but I probably would have yelled to stop him running towards the pool because a shout can jolt the nervous system to a freeze response. Shouting regularly makes dc less likely to respond to danger warning.

It sounds like you’re finding your style of parenting.

i think you should be doing more to manage his behavior. if he cannot be sensible at the pool or anywhere else, then yes u should take him home. next time instead of getting a bump he may be drowning in the pool fgs

It’s useful to think of discipline as teaching rather than as punishment

100% this

Softly telling a toddler no when they are peeing in a shower is not exactly a great hardship. Individually it will mean nothing to them but gradually if you are saying no when for example taking away something that they should not be playing with, then they will start to associate the word no with things they should not be doing. It might not change their behaviour to begin with but you have to start somewhere.

Ignoring a toddler that is pissing where they should not is just being bone idle imo.

I don’t like hearing the words discipline and toddlers in the same sentence. He’s a baby he’s being a toddler they are adorable.

@NannaMcPhoo but at 16 months they don't even know that they're peeing, so what would be the point? Or am I wrong that they don't know?

Genuine question. It wouldn't even cross my mind to say "no", I'd just kick myself for not getting the nappy on quickly enough!

Get control of your kid now op. Because you've already lost it. And you'll be on thewrong end of it.
This could also end up very badly for toddler if he runs and bolts.

Start discipline now. And if you can't parent/discipline him enough for him not to run away: put him on a leash. It could safe his life. And your sanity

but at 16 months they don't even know that they're peeing, so what would be the point? Or am I wrong that they don't know

My DD was near enough potty trained at 18 months. With an accident only a couple of times a week so I doubt the above is true.

I agree with previous posters, setting expectations with toddlers works well for us.

We don’t run round the pool as it’s slippery, you can fall and bump your head. If you do run then xxx is the consequence.

We also use the two option method. If you want them to sit at the table, instead of saying let’s sit down or come on let’s go to the table we say, we are all going to sit down would you like to sit here or here. They then feel like they have control.

@NannaMcPhoo most children aren’t potty trained at 18 months old. That’s great that yours way but it is very unusual. 2.5 is a more usual age for potty training. Most 16 month olds wouldnt have any control over peeing so telling them not to pee would be pointless and confusing.

Either way I think I'll stop posting on here the answers are too aggressive for a sensitive person like me. Thanks for the comments that were helpful

I can't see any aggressive posts

He's a baby. He's behaving like a baby that age should.

@fifiKma

AliceW89 I mean that he often hears me say no and giggles and looks at me and keeps trying I know my kid pretty well and know when he understands something isn't ok but does it anyways.

I appreciate what everyone means about risk I guess I'm new to having a kid but I am learning just not fast enough maybe. He's very quick and I can't glue him to me I'd argue putting him alone in a cubicle while I get our stuff from the locker is also a bit dangerous so it's hard to know how to contain him.

Either way I think I'll stop posting on here the answers are too aggressive for a sensitive person like me. Thanks for the comments that were helpful.

I don't think the few responses you'd had by this point were at all aggressive - they were basically saying that on the one hand, he's being a pretty typical toddler, so don't worry too much about him being 'naughty' but at the same time, you need to think about how you can keep him safe in an environment like a swimming pool. At 16mths he's old enough for some simple actions vs consequence teaching & like others have said, if he doesn't respond well enough to be safe, then maybe swimming is not an option for you to do with him when you're by yourself at the moment.

Agree it's about anticipating what's going on. There shouldn't be a point when he's free to roam; distract with a toy, use reins, chat and sing to keep it fun. If he's too out of control for you to cope with him with basic distractions right now then stay away from danger areas like the pool, strap into pushchair near heights and river etc. I wouldn't bother about wee in a drain, that's just baby stuff, just don't tell your mum things like that if you don't want random criticism.

most children aren’t potty trained at 18 months old. That’s great that yours way but it is very unusual. 2.5 is a more usual age for potty training

Yes I agree with you but I doubt that statistic is due to ability of the child to learn.