Dating advice

[Silveryfox]

Advice/opinions please.... I'm talking to a 56 year old guy,l (I'm 48) and we've been talking for a few days but he keeps pushing to meet up sooner rather than later. Bearing in mind its xmas week, my son is 12 so cant be left alone in the evenings, which he knows, and I've said I have an appointment for my roots/colour to be done on 29th December (I've not really been looking after my appearance and have around 5 months root growth plus a lot of greys which im embarrassed about) and I'm happy to meet him after my appointment so I can feel confident about myself and my appearance bearing in mind the above.

He has 3 daughters who are 21, 19 and 16 who he has at his house every tuesday and every other weekend officially, although it sounds like they're there a lot more often than that from what he's said. He says he cant see me on the 29th because his daughters will be "with him" that evening. He says he's really keen to meet and he seems to be using the above to push me to meet earlier than what I said I could do. I start work tomorrow at 10am and he even suggested me meeting him before work tomorrow! Er no.... !! Am I being unreasonable in being a bit irritated bearing in mind his daughters ages and the fact he has a lot more flexibility with his time and freedom, to be a bit annoyed that he's pushing me to meet before the date I said I could and using his daughters as an excuse?? I mean he isnt even suggesting we go for a meal, just a couple of drinks.

He could feasibly meet me for a drink then go home and see his daughters afterwards. It's not like they need babysitters.

I'm not expecting him to drop his daughters for me, but in this situation he has more flexibility than I do with free time/childcare issues. It's annoying me actually, because I feel like he's pestering me while not listening to what I'm saying/considering my position/responsibilities 😥

AIBU in thinking that, if he is really keen to meet, then as his daughters arent exactly children and he sees them a lot , he should respect what I've said and meet me that evening bearing in mind they dont need babysitters etc?

If he's already trying to push you into doing something that you don't want to do, then it doesn't bode well for the future and I'd nip it in the bud and call it quits now tbh.

He’s irritating you before you’ve even met. Move your bar higher!

(FWIW, I don’t think it’s fair of you to criticise him wanting to be with his daughters; that’s a good thing, surely? But if he’s irritating you already, it’s really not worth it).

Well, the point of OLD is that you want to meet in real life, not waste weeks talking to and invest in someone who might not be suitable or/and might have misrepresented themselves.

When I was doing it I would exchange a few messages to assess initial compatibility and then arrange to meet. I would not carry on a conversation for weeks because the men who expect you to do this are time wasters who have no intention to meet.

So I can see his point. You are basically expecting him to keep interacting with you for 3 weeks or so while you focus on your life.

If a guy was doing what you are doing personally I would have told him 'I can see you are busy, maybe let's catch up again later' and I would have stopped messaging and gone on to speak to and meet other people.

If you can't make time for OLD now, take a break and maybe start again after the festive period.

I think best advice about online dating is to get on with the meeting up in person and not waste time getting invested in someone by online chatting for weeks on end. So I would be more inclined to agree with him usually.

But it is the week before Christmas, so I can also see that fitting it is would be difficult and waiting until the 29th seems reasonable too. Still, I probably wouldn’t have started online chatting with a new person if I wasn’t in a position to meet up with them.

I don't think either of you are unreasonable in one sense.
He wants to meet sooner rather then later, rather then string on a long conversation that night not go anywhere & doesn't want to drop a long standing commitment with his children.
You don't want to meet until after your hair appointment.
Both valid trains of thought.

However if be way of someone who is really trying to push you into something your not comfortable with at this early stage.

As already mentioned if you're irritated at this early stage by the long standing arrangement with his children then best nip it in the bud now.