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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Secret Santa budgets are a con

64 replies

TheLasrStraw · 17/12/2021 16:15

Y8 DD said class Secret Santa guideline was £7, so we bought a nice Harry Potter branded thing.

DD received a box of Heroes which retail for £3 in Tesco.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 17/12/2021 17:08

And if you spent £7 and didn’t blink, whilst the other parent took the £3 chocolate out of the food bank bag she was given?
Feeling “conned” now? 🙄

(and yes, our food bank stashed chocolate to add to Xmas bags)

Original poster
TheLasrStraw · 17/12/2021 17:25

Yes, we knew the other girl likes HP.

Money may indeed be tight for some families and I sympathise hugely.

Guess we were just unlucky not to get one of the families with personalised number plates I see at drop off!

OP posts:
woodhill · 17/12/2021 17:26

Some people are tight even if they have got the money for the £7 budget

kazillionaire · 17/12/2021 17:27

Wow, how ungracious of you and your child. If you are both so disappointed then take them to a food bank for someone who will appreciate them.

PeaceONoeuf · 17/12/2021 17:29

To be fair my child has SEND but is mainstream and able enough to pick something themselves so could easily choose that thinking the recipient would like it rather than how much it cose. See also: can we give so and so tickets to a show for their birthday. Money is a little imaginary round here.

grapewine · 17/12/2021 17:31

Guess we were just unlucky not to get one of the families with personalised number plates I see at drop off!

Wow, okay ...

steff13 · 17/12/2021 17:36

Guess we were just unlucky not to get one of the families with personalised number plates I see at drop off!

Yikes! It's just for fun. Maybe tell your daughter it's better to give them to receive. Or have a word with yourself.

girlmom21 · 17/12/2021 17:39

@TheLasrStraw

Yes, we knew the other girl likes HP.

Money may indeed be tight for some families and I sympathise hugely.

Guess we were just unlucky not to get one of the families with personalised number plates I see at drop off!

Aside from you sounding really spoilt right now, why were 'we' unlucky? It's nothing to do with you.
Pumperthepumper · 17/12/2021 17:41

Maybe they didn’t have any spare time at all to find a thoughtful, well chosen seven quid’s worth of present for a random kid on their kid’s class? Would you have preferred nothing at all?

tttigress · 17/12/2021 17:42

I wouldn't worry about it. I doubt if the chocolates are going to be your childs main gift.

DrSbaitso · 17/12/2021 17:43

@TheLasrStraw

Yes, we knew the other girl likes HP.

Money may indeed be tight for some families and I sympathise hugely.

Guess we were just unlucky not to get one of the families with personalised number plates I see at drop off!

What?
Kite22 · 17/12/2021 17:48

@Lou98

I wouldn't say it's a 'con'

Usually the £7 would be a maximum spend. Maybe £3 was all the other child's parent could afford to spare.

I personally hate Harry Potter so would much prefer a box of chocolate - it's all relative. It's only a bit of fun

This.

There are so many things wrong about this.

Why is a whole class doing a secret santa ?
The amount is generally a "please don't spend more than suggested amount" in secret Santas
"We" ? What has it got to do with you
Even if you like HP, many people would much prefer some chocs

Somethingsnappy · 17/12/2021 17:48

Definitely don't over-invest in secret santa!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/12/2021 18:04

Unlucky???? Fucking hell try being grateful someone who might be struggling made an effort. You will find it is a far better attitude

Settingsss · 17/12/2021 18:21

Op, I have a lump of coal this Christmas which I will cut up between 15 people. How DARE you mention secret Santa 🤣

Comefromaway · 17/12/2021 18:28

That’s a lot of money for some people.

Dd has been put into 3 secret Santa’s. Two at college and one at her p/t job and I know she worried about being able to buy things on a Student budget.

KupoNutCoffee · 17/12/2021 18:30

In general, yes Secret Santa's suck - People's interpretation of limit is either:
a) I must spend around £7 - fine to be a few pence over, but I've drawn a range between £6.00 - £7.50
b) £7 is the limit - £3 is under that... That'll do.

Inevitably all "on the limit" people get presents from the "meh....£3 is budget" and vice versa.

Normally goes hand in hand with effort. "On the limit" - it's part of the fun to covertly stalk/research the person and find something personal. "£3 is under the limit" - hmmm are celebrations or roses cheaper...?

It's fairly stupid to have an enforced class secret santa - you never know who can afford it.... or what child has been told to "use your pocket money" for their "friends" presents.

It's also true that a £3 gift is all they could afford...but disagree its "making an effort" - choosing a £2 quid mug from Tesco and a couple of options sachets even look a little more thoughtful - and a quick browse brings up a few £2 - £4 stocking filler gifts.

Personally I like secret santas - but all the enjoyment comes from the stalking, artful present wrapping and watching the recipient open it. I'm just glad if my giver actually remembered...

HangOnToYourself · 17/12/2021 18:32

@TheLasrStraw

Yes, we knew the other girl likes HP.

Money may indeed be tight for some families and I sympathise hugely.

Guess we were just unlucky not to get one of the families with personalised number plates I see at drop off!

Yeah then you could really bask in the glory of their riches (up to and including the value of £7)
mowglika · 17/12/2021 18:36

I agree OP. It may be that sometimes that’s all the other person can afford but often the other person is just an opportunistic tight arse (ime).

If the budget is £10 I usually try and buy to that limit or I’ll add extra little bits to make it up to £10, it’s only fair. It’s part of the fun to put some thought into it, inc finding something to fit the budget.

woodhill · 17/12/2021 18:40

Yes I think that has some truth in it and sometimes the hard up people will be generous

FurryAntiWaxer · 17/12/2021 18:42

You sound overly invested. Sweets are a fine SS present. Surely you don't always expect an amazing present in that situation?
Teaching your DD to tally up the cost of presents and feel aggrieved if they aren't expensive is not a great life lesson.
Would she feel happier in herself if she had a gift that cost a little bit more?

BringUsSomeFrigginPudding · 17/12/2021 18:45

Next time, I'd either opt out or suggest the budget be lowered so there's less chance of a disparity between gift values.

It's no fun being the kid who gets the obviously much cheaper gift or no gift at all when your parent scraped together enough to cover the full amount. I'm sure it's not fun, either, being the kid whose parent couldn't afford the full amount and feeling guilty or embarrassed about it.

Winniemarysarah · 17/12/2021 18:50

You sound like a knob. My daughters in yr9 and her little friendship group do secret Santa, there’s meant to be a £15 spend limit which we stuck to, but my dd’s present easily cost double that. I felt a moments guilt that we spent less, but different people have different budgets. I hope her friend who got less doesn’t feel ‘unlucky’..

dayswithaY · 17/12/2021 19:17

Have you had much experience of Secret Santa, OP? Most people roll their eyes and buy the nearest gift with Cadburys written on it. Your recipient will have no idea whether you spent £7 or £2 on the HP mug and they might be feeling short changed right now.

And those millionaire parents with personalised number plates wouldn't be gifting your child with anything special - maybe two boxes of chocolates instead of one.

It's meant to be fun. There's no guarantee you will get a return on your investment of £7.

Cocomarine · 17/12/2021 19:25

@TheLasrStraw

Yes, we knew the other girl likes HP.

Money may indeed be tight for some families and I sympathise hugely.

Guess we were just unlucky not to get one of the families with personalised number plates I see at drop off!

Except you clearly don’t sympathise, because you have no way of knowing if the chocolate came from one of those families. You sounded like a nob from your OP - that just confirms it.