I've recently deployed back into icu and I really am extremely concerned. It's bringing back massive ptsd in me, I'm having flash backs, I had a huge breakdown on Sunday night and really wanted to kill my self, I had a bigger breakdown in feb 2020 and I was a lot sicker then as in i at least had some insight as to the fact it's not normal to cry hysterically for 2 hours and just feel dead inside then have flash backs to patients dying.
I rang my GP on Monday and got put on citalopram, I haven't had that one before. Last year I was on Venlafaxine which was hard to sleep on. And before that sertraline but that made sweaty and they all made my eyes dilate so much you can't see I've got green eyes any more.
Because I've been having massive mood swings that when I'm high I feel untouchable and like I'm never going to die, like I could jump off a building and I'd fly.. when I'm low it's like the lowest of the low and I just cry hysterically, don't eat,
Don't sleep don't really shower unless I'm going to work and go to work.
I saw a private psychiatrist last year to get some
Help, and when i spoke to the GP yesterday she said I'd be better off going to him
AgaiN, rather than waiting for the NHS referrals but I can't be referred to both. I have to choose. I have to choose between seeing someone immediately as in probably next week but if I do that I can't go back to the NHS according to my GP or I could wait the 4 months to see an NHS consultant who will probably be the same bloke but this is very hard.
I do have the £600 to see the man at the priory but it would make Christmas tight. Then again if I do this I'll hopefully see next Christmas ..
Would you do it? Or wait? Last year he came close to diagnosing me with Bi Polar but Covid happened and the priory cancelled all their appointments and I got re deployed to icu and didn't have time to go plus they wouldn't see me because I saw Covid patients on the regular