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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...for not looking forward to Christmas because...

44 replies

SquirdleSomeCreamOnMyXmasPud · 19/12/2007 13:08

...DH has just informed our very fussy 5 year old that he will be eating everything we are on Chrismas day and he will be enjoying it!

We are going to his mums and I am feeling so much pressure now because of this. I think DS should eat what he feels he can ie potatoes and basically be left to ge on with it. If he doesn't eat he doesn't.

But I have visions of DH piling on the pressure, DS getting upset, DH shouting, me seething and relatives feeling uncomfortable. DH is always comparing DS to his nephews who do eat well and who will be there. I know his mum would rather we just left DS to it and didn't cause a fuss.

Yes, I'd love DS to eat a good meal, ut it aint gonna happen just because it's Christmas!!!

AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

SquirdleSomeCreamOnMyXmasPud · 19/12/2007 13:28

I have squirty marmite and I can aim very well

I know DH is desperate for DS to eat well and I know he is thinking of his health etc, but I really believe that piling the pressure on at meal times will result in DS getting upset and eating absolutely nothing at all. So who wins then?

I'm sure if I use the 'your mum would probably rather have a relaxed meal with no stress' approach, then he will be ok. He'd better be anyway!

OP posts:

Original poster

SquirdleSomeCreamOnMyXmasPud · 19/12/2007 13:31

Tatties and Comeoveneer, I would have a childrens table if we were here..definately. I would never force a child to eat if they don't want to and would rather a nice relaxed meal. I couldn't care less if my nephews eat well, they aren't mine!

He thinks I pander to the boys, but tbh I don't really know how I am supposed to make them eat..force feeding...that'd work - NOT!!

OP posts:

Original poster

SquirdleSomeCreamOnMyXmasPud · 19/12/2007 13:32

Anyway, thankyou for agreeing with me, I will go to the Christmas table armed and ready and I won't let DH get cross with DS.

OP posts:

Anchovy · 19/12/2007 13:33

I think there are 2 separate things.

I expect my children(6 and 4) to sit at the table at meal times and to behave in a civilised fashion (with a nod to the fact that they are 6 and 4 and things get spilled etc). At a large family gathering I will usually make it clear to them that my expectations for good behaviour are a bit higher. I expect them to eat with a knife and fork; have reasonable table manners; join in the conversation nicely; try not to knock things over; not squabble with each other; remain in their seats. All this is within their control.

As to what they actually eat - that is up to them. They will be given a smaller plate than everyone else, maybe edited a bit (more of what they like, excluding what they don't like). Other than a bit of mild encouragement, they decide what they eat, not me. We do not focus on how much they eat or what they have eaten. Telling people what they are going to eat is pretty close to bullying, in my book, and is a sure way of setting up eating issues.

I think you should say to your DH, that your DS will sit up at the table, will behave himself and will not make a fuss. But only he can decide what he is going to eat.

FioFio · 19/12/2007 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dustystaronthechristmastreeMSC · 19/12/2007 13:35

I hate the idea of force feeding. In our house my two (and mindees as well) have to make a genuine effort with their meal in order to get pudding. I wouldn't be so strict at Xmas though - its supposed to be fun.

dooley1 · 19/12/2007 13:36

I agree with Fio - all the kids run riot on Xmas Day round here. We do get them to sit down at the table but they are so excited with all the toys etc it usally ends up with them slipping out to watch a Xmas movie and play wit all thier toys in the lounge whilst we all get sloshed and eat too much

soopermum1 · 19/12/2007 13:38

when i was very young, on a one off occassion, my dad got pissed off with my fussiness, sat me on his knee and pratically force fed me cauliflower. i threw up and can't eat cauliflower to this day. it was a one off, probably why i remember it so distinctly. i was fussy but now i eat anything (and everything) apart from cauliflower

Original poster

SquirdleSomeCreamOnMyXmasPud · 19/12/2007 13:40

I will have copious amounts of wine

I know as long as he isn't being pressured, DS will sit nicely at the table and enjoy his cousins company. Thats all I ask of him really.

OP posts:

ComeOVenReadyturkey · 19/12/2007 13:41

Exactly dooley. Children don't see mealtimes as a social thing, merely use it as a chance to "refuel". On a day to day basis my children (3 and 6), are expected to sit up nicely use their cutlery etc, but for christmas we have a 5 course meal planned then coffee/liquers etc. The children would be bored and fidgety so it is much nicer for them and us to just let them eat quickly then do what they enjoy whilst we enjoy our food.

Original poster

SquirdleSomeCreamOnMyXmasPud · 19/12/2007 13:41

Ds1 was a bit fussy at 5, but now at 14 he eats absolutely anything! I keep reminding DH of that!

OP posts:

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 19/12/2007 13:42

I am quite hardline about food and meals, but even I think this is way out of order. What better way to make it an issue that discuss nearly a week beforehand? Christmas is not the time to tackle food issues IMO.

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 19/12/2007 13:43

Squirdle:
I know as long as he isn't being pressured, DS will sit nicely at the table and enjoy his cousins company. Thats all I ask of him really.

That sounds fantastic. Just what you want. I would sort this out with your DH now.

Original poster

SquirdleSomeCreamOnMyXmasPud · 19/12/2007 13:43

DS2 can be a bit of a bugger about food, but when it is me, he doesn't fuss because I don't. He gets what he is given and if he doesn't eat then so be it. We only get tears and tantrums when DH is home because DH tantrums about it!

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PirateInaPeartree · 19/12/2007 13:44

my dd is having pizza.
her treat for the day, and has asked for a can of coke.

its Christmas !!!

LoveAngelGabriel · 19/12/2007 13:45

YANBU. Why not reach a compromise? Your son will sit at the table for x amount of time and try two things on his plate, or something like that. You could talk to him about the importance of this special mealtime when all the family sit and eat together, and about how important it is to be polite when others have gone to the trouble of cooking a meal for you. But forcing him to sit and finish a meal he doesn't want? Madness. Maybe you could talk to your DH about this again?...

Original poster

SquirdleSomeCreamOnMyXmasPud · 19/12/2007 13:46

Oh I will be LoveAngel. Just waiting for him to get over his sulk

OP posts:

TroutSprout · 19/12/2007 14:01

yanbu
tell him he is being totally unreasonable... and if he won't have it then show him this thread

and if he still won't have it...then make sure you have that squirty marmite in your bag

motheroftwoboys · 19/12/2007 15:13

We had years of spoiled meals with DS2 - now 15 - who hardly eats a thing. We now accept that you CANNOT force a child (or teenager!) to eat. DS1 will stuff himself with Christmas dinner - everything included. DS2 will have a miniscule bit of turkey, no gravy, with - probably - a bit of bread and Flora (won't eat butter ). His loss!!

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