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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Noisy Neighbour Upstairs

38 replies

fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 21:21

Hi
Just after some advice please.
Moved into a one bedroom flat April 2019. It's just me and all of the flats on my side of the block are one bedroomed, with two bedroom in the other side.
Basically the neighbour(s) upstairs have children who can be extremely noisy, to the point I can't relax in the evening, and even turn my TV off and just sit in silence at times, because I can't believe how noisy they are.
I appreciate I need to find out more about exactly who is living there, but I am just feeling annoyed that so much noise is coming from this flat well into the evenings, considering that they are one bedroomed properties, so you would think that logically there would not be a) children there 2) problems with noise.
The noise is mainly constant banging. I have recorded a lot of the instances. A standard entry might say 'Constant banging, running, jumping, things being dropped on to floor from 2pm - 10pm'. I can't help but think a) The floor should be covered in carpet (it's not) and b) why don't the parent(s) either occupy their children in activities which don't involve them constantly undertaking a mini Olympics or take them out to burn off some of their energy?
It's getting really annoying. I have ear plugs because prior to now I have needed them at night because I have people above, below and to the side so it's to be expected, but this is the most annoying thing about living here.
I really don't know what I can do. I don't really understand why they are living in a one bedroomed property. I think from memory they have two children. I don't really want to know. I just want to be able to be at peace in my own home and feel like my neighbours actually give two shits.
Is it worth me talking to them? I have considered putting a note though their door - after all I could be working nights for all they know and need to sleep in the day.
I am also surprised that they have chosen or been put into a top floor flat - sounds like a poor judgement to me.
I have banged on the ceiling a few times to make them consider what constant banging sounds like .
They don't even put them to bed at a reasonable time.
Before you say can't I move, not easily as the flat is family owned, I have a limited income, get a favourable rent and frankly, don't see that I should have to.
Thanks for any experience or advice and please don't bother telling me that that's what children are like. I know. I used to be a teacher and work in a nursery. I'm also an auntie and have been one myself! Doesn't mean I want to be reminded of it 8 hours a day until 10 or so at night!
Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 21:23

By the way I live in waltham forest.

OP posts:
usernameshistory · 16/12/2021 21:24

If you can't move then rugs and carpet upstairs with thick (appropriate) underlay is the minimum you should expect to be able to live in peace. It's not fair on you.

Cosmois · 16/12/2021 21:30
Biscuit
SantanaBinLorry · 16/12/2021 21:37

This would drive me potty too OP.
TbF though, you've no idea why they are there... they too may have favourable rent and no other means to move.

How long have you been there... the longer you leave it the more it will drive you mad. I'd knock on and have a word.
I'd defo look into wether the is a legal obligation for floor covering in upstairs flats and who is supposed to supply/fit/make sure that happens?

StoneofDestiny · 16/12/2021 21:41

Have you spoken to them?
Banging on the ceiling isn't the right thing to do - they could record your noise!

silentpool · 16/12/2021 21:47

This is a common problem for people living below others. I think you have to ask yourself if you are particularly noise sensitive or if it is reasonable to be able to sit in silence, in a shared living space?

I was the "noisy"neighbour upstairs and was complained about and had my neighbour banging on their ceilings etc. I was doing nothing but normal domestic noises. However in older or poorly insulated buildings (particularly with wooden floors), noise travels. My neighbours downstairs ignored the fact that I could hear them too but because I am less noise sensitive, I accepted it.

They moved out and less sensitive people moved in. I am no longer the noisy neighbour. Take that as you will - nothing else has changed.

Hospedia · 16/12/2021 21:50

How do you know they haven't got carpet down if you've never been up there?

Basically you don't have any right of complaint to anywhere official (e g , noise team at the council) about standard living noise, which would include children running around. You could knock and ask them if they realise how loud it is downstairs and ask if they could put a thick rug or carpet down, you could always invite one of the adults diwn to your flat to hear it for themselves and hopefully they'd be reasonable enough to agree. Don't mention bedtimes to then though or try to tell then that they should get a grip on their children's behaviour unless you fancy having an argument about it.

SpanielsAreMyLife · 16/12/2021 21:51

I'd knock on the door one evening and ask them to stand in your flat so they can hear it.

Sometimes people really don't know how far their noise is travelling.

Notthissticky · 16/12/2021 21:54

Stop banging on the ceilings, that will achieve nothing and it gives them grounds to complain about you (whereas a lot of the noise they produce will fall under normal day to day living). It's also done deliberately, with the sole purpose of annoying them, so just not a nice thing to do, full stop. Put a note through their door to ask for a chat, or just knock one day. Prepare for the conversation and go into it with a constructive attitude. Do not tell them: you've never had this issue before with previous neighbours so it must be them, that their children are horrible, that you're considering moving, that it's their responsibility to soundproof and you're not entertaining the thought of paying for it yourself etc. Think of what you'd like to achieve: carpets? A curfew for noise from the kids? Appreciate that you will not get complete silence, but if you are reasonable then they're much more likely to make changes. Also, they might have no choice but to live there, in much the same way you don't. Your "no choice" doesn't trump theirs. I've been on the other end of this and our downstairs neighbour was absolutely vile to us about it. It's really affected me and I will never forgive her for the way she went about it. I'm sure we are loud, but we don't do it intentionally to annoy her, whereas she does. It doesn't need to be like that, but please be aware that your behaviour can quite easily turn into harassment - just because you're aggrieved doesn't mean that you're in the right (the council will take a very dim view of deliberate noise making to annoy neighbours).

GivenchyDahhling · 16/12/2021 21:57

The noise you’ve described is standard child/toddler/family noise. I find it very hard to believe anyone would actively choose to live in a one bedroom flat with two children, so clearly there is a reason why they can’t be somewhere bigger.

I am sympathetic though, when I lived in a flat there were issues with one set of tenants who had loud parties/music and it really is hell on earth, to the extent that you’re straining your ears listening out for it even when it doesn’t exist.

I just don’t think what you’ve described is unreasonable to the extent anything could/would/should be done about it.

Notthissticky · 16/12/2021 21:57

@SpanielsAreMyLife

I'd knock on the door one evening and ask them to stand in your flat so they can hear it.

Sometimes people really don't know how far their noise is travelling.

It's not the neighbours' problem if their reasonable living sounds travel/ are amplified due to the way the building is constructed though! If the neighbours aren't doing anything that can be considered antisocial noise then they're under no obligation to remedy it. Our neighbour also seemed to think the onus was on us to soundproof so she couldn't hear us going about our daily lives. Sorry hun, but that's a no...
Notthissticky · 16/12/2021 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:17

because i can hear things 'clipping' the floor when they land for want of a better word. And it's not all the kids. Before now it has been VERY loud bangs like things being knocked over that have actually made me jump out of nowhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:19

@Hospedia

How do you know they haven't got carpet down if you've never been up there?

Basically you don't have any right of complaint to anywhere official (e g , noise team at the council) about standard living noise, which would include children running around. You could knock and ask them if they realise how loud it is downstairs and ask if they could put a thick rug or carpet down, you could always invite one of the adults diwn to your flat to hear it for themselves and hopefully they'd be reasonable enough to agree. Don't mention bedtimes to then though or try to tell then that they should get a grip on their children's behaviour unless you fancy having an argument about it.

because of the noise that the banging makes. when certain things are dropped they make a sort of 'clipping' noise. It's 10:20pm and I swear she's just dropped a set of dumb bells on the floor right above my bed.
OP posts:
Notthissticky · 16/12/2021 22:20

@fedupneighbour

because i can hear things 'clipping' the floor when they land for want of a better word. And it's not all the kids. Before now it has been VERY loud bangs like things being knocked over that have actually made me jump out of nowhere.
Can you clarify who you're responding to here? Is this about how you know what flooring they have or why they should be taking sound reduction measures?
Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:21

@silentpool

This is a common problem for people living below others. I think you have to ask yourself if you are particularly noise sensitive or if it is reasonable to be able to sit in silence, in a shared living space?

I was the "noisy"neighbour upstairs and was complained about and had my neighbour banging on their ceilings etc. I was doing nothing but normal domestic noises. However in older or poorly insulated buildings (particularly with wooden floors), noise travels. My neighbours downstairs ignored the fact that I could hear them too but because I am less noise sensitive, I accepted it.

They moved out and less sensitive people moved in. I am no longer the noisy neighbour. Take that as you will - nothing else has changed.

i'm not expecting to be able to sit in silence but I don't think it's fair to have constant loud banging coming from above either.
OP posts:
Notthissticky · 16/12/2021 22:22

Ignore my last post, crossed posts

Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:23

@SantanaBinLorry

This would drive me potty too OP. TbF though, you've no idea why they are there... they too may have favourable rent and no other means to move.

How long have you been there... the longer you leave it the more it will drive you mad. I'd knock on and have a word.
I'd defo look into wether the is a legal obligation for floor covering in upstairs flats and who is supposed to supply/fit/make sure that happens?

Thanks. This sounds sensible. I think I'll go up there with someone else so I have a witness were anything to ever be made official.
OP posts:
Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:25

@Notthissticky

Stop banging on the ceilings, that will achieve nothing and it gives them grounds to complain about you (whereas a lot of the noise they produce will fall under normal day to day living). It's also done deliberately, with the sole purpose of annoying them, so just not a nice thing to do, full stop. Put a note through their door to ask for a chat, or just knock one day. Prepare for the conversation and go into it with a constructive attitude. Do not tell them: you've never had this issue before with previous neighbours so it must be them, that their children are horrible, that you're considering moving, that it's their responsibility to soundproof and you're not entertaining the thought of paying for it yourself etc. Think of what you'd like to achieve: carpets? A curfew for noise from the kids? Appreciate that you will not get complete silence, but if you are reasonable then they're much more likely to make changes. Also, they might have no choice but to live there, in much the same way you don't. Your "no choice" doesn't trump theirs. I've been on the other end of this and our downstairs neighbour was absolutely vile to us about it. It's really affected me and I will never forgive her for the way she went about it. I'm sure we are loud, but we don't do it intentionally to annoy her, whereas she does. It doesn't need to be like that, but please be aware that your behaviour can quite easily turn into harassment - just because you're aggrieved doesn't mean that you're in the right (the council will take a very dim view of deliberate noise making to annoy neighbours).
To clarify, I have only done this a few times at my wits end, and as far as they know I could have been banging a nail in the wall though I understand your legal point.
OP posts:
Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:30

@Notthissticky

Stop banging on the ceilings, that will achieve nothing and it gives them grounds to complain about you (whereas a lot of the noise they produce will fall under normal day to day living). It's also done deliberately, with the sole purpose of annoying them, so just not a nice thing to do, full stop. Put a note through their door to ask for a chat, or just knock one day. Prepare for the conversation and go into it with a constructive attitude. Do not tell them: you've never had this issue before with previous neighbours so it must be them, that their children are horrible, that you're considering moving, that it's their responsibility to soundproof and you're not entertaining the thought of paying for it yourself etc. Think of what you'd like to achieve: carpets? A curfew for noise from the kids? Appreciate that you will not get complete silence, but if you are reasonable then they're much more likely to make changes. Also, they might have no choice but to live there, in much the same way you don't. Your "no choice" doesn't trump theirs. I've been on the other end of this and our downstairs neighbour was absolutely vile to us about it. It's really affected me and I will never forgive her for the way she went about it. I'm sure we are loud, but we don't do it intentionally to annoy her, whereas she does. It doesn't need to be like that, but please be aware that your behaviour can quite easily turn into harassment - just because you're aggrieved doesn't mean that you're in the right (the council will take a very dim view of deliberate noise making to annoy neighbours).
I don't really see why they couldn't put a rug down. I would do this out of embarrassment if it was the other way round. I don't see that that is unreasonable. I've looked into my options as far as sound proofing goes and to get a ceiling soundproofed is far more complicated and expensive than putting a rug down. The only other thing that is suggested to sound proof a flat is a white noise machine but I don't know if they're any good. Anyone?
OP posts:
Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:32

Thanks all. I will go up there with a friend and try and have a friendly chat just to say that sometimes it is very loud and I'd appreciate it if they could get the kids to try and keep it down a bit.
I don't have anything to lose after all and just cos a person has kids doesn't absolve them from all responsibility to other living beings!

OP posts:
Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:36

@usernameshistory

If you can't move then rugs and carpet upstairs with thick (appropriate) underlay is the minimum you should expect to be able to live in peace. It's not fair on you.
Thanks for the support.
OP posts:
Notthissticky · 16/12/2021 22:38

@fedupneighbour

Thanks all. I will go up there with a friend and try and have a friendly chat just to say that sometimes it is very loud and I'd appreciate it if they could get the kids to try and keep it down a bit. I don't have anything to lose after all and just cos a person has kids doesn't absolve them from all responsibility to other living beings!
Sounds like a good idea. Just be careful thinking you've got nothing to lose though - they're technically not doing anything wrong ATM. It could get a whole lot worse if they decide "in for a penny in for a pound" and start being actually antisocial. Good luckSmile
Original poster
fedupneighbour · 16/12/2021 22:42

@GivenchyDahhling

The noise you’ve described is standard child/toddler/family noise. I find it very hard to believe anyone would actively choose to live in a one bedroom flat with two children, so clearly there is a reason why they can’t be somewhere bigger.

I am sympathetic though, when I lived in a flat there were issues with one set of tenants who had loud parties/music and it really is hell on earth, to the extent that you’re straining your ears listening out for it even when it doesn’t exist.

I just don’t think what you’ve described is unreasonable to the extent anything could/would/should be done about it.

Thanks. I don't see why they wouldn't want to make some concessions. I certainly would if it was the other way round. You can't carry on like you don't have neighbours...the world doesn't work like that.
OP posts:
thickthighs73 · 16/12/2021 22:43

I sympathise I had a similar problem in my previous property. I swear the kids were jumping of the sofa and god knows what else, it was like living below baby elephants.Anyway I did tell her and it literally stopped immediately. I don’t think she realised the extent of the noise until I told her.