Somewhat posting here for traffic
I want to divorce my husband, but not quite yet.
Reason for delaying is I’ve just had our second child so I’m on mat leave and will be getting smp and can’t afford to live solo with 2 kids on that, so when I go back to work I want to divorce him.
If anyone knows some of my other threads, you’ll know why. But it’s not just him, it’s his family too. I could really use some advice on a few things. It’s quite long, so I appreciate you reading in advance 🙂🙂
When I wanted to work on our marriage i told him he needs anger management or it’s divorce. He basically told me that he’d make sure I lost the kids if I file for divorce. I suffered from bad anxiety and pnd during after my first pregnancy he was horribly unsupportive and used to shout at me and reduce me to tears, obviously making it worse. He’s said he’d use this against me as I have a history of mental illness. Can he do this? I’m under the peri natal mental health team to be proactive and get support and I referred myself In both pregnancies (truthfully support has been atrocious in both, but I’m in a better place this time around) would this be used against me?
Me, I’ve no Intention of using my children as a weapon. I think joint custody is the right thing for them. But I do have real concerns over his family. They are very very backwards in their attitudes. Forced marriage exists in their family and consanguineous marriages are still the norm. The family have v strong feelings against anything ‘English’. His mother used to watch our eldest but we had to put a stop to it as the level of care was abysmal, she’d ‘forget’ to fill her water, and change her nappy (leave her sitting in poo) whilst she’d be on the phone chatting to her friends with my daughter saying ‘I poo, I poo’ aka asking for her nappy to be changed. Dh knew about this for a while and kept it from me. I found out how atrocious she was an condensed my hours at work to make sure she didn’t have to watch her again. So I’m concerned if we split, my kids will be subjected to that woman again. Can I stop this from happening? To be clear this isn’t about being controlling or tit for tat or anything toxic it’s for legitimate sage guarding concerns. His mother cannot speak English ( so if one of the children hurt themselves she can’t call for help), she has a history of lying as well and is incredibly interfering. For instance we have a newborn son who isn’t circumcised, if she was left with him… I’m sure she’d get someone to do it. There’s other things too.
Living arrangements and assets. We own our house, new build used htb. I can’t afford the mortgage alone. Would we have to sell? I put all the deposit down 17k and dh just paid the fees which was like 2k. How would this work? Would it just be 50/50 regardless of how much I put down. I earn less than him so pay £100 less towards the bills than him.
I have no family or support network, would I need to move out when I file? I don’t think I could pay mortgage and rent.
How much does a divorce cost? How much should I set aside?
When I go back to work, what are my first steps?
Would he have to contribute towards childcare for them? I’ve heard of lots of men despite earning well paying the bare minimum for their children. How does child maintenance work?
Appreciate its long but thank you in advance for reading!