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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think he is lying about his car accident?

15 replies

MsMarch · 16/12/2021 13:12

Friend is in process of ending with her abusive P. He is still living in her house and she pays all bills, does 90% childcare and home stuff etc. He earns almost nothing as won't work full time and has minimum wage job. I suspect he's a narcissist of some sort but don't know enough. Currently signed off so only getting basic pay without extras. Doesn't want to move out and is accusing her of all kinds of things.

Supposedly he was going to be out after Christmas. Except, last week he had a car accident. Apparently it was quite bad in that he was t-boned by another car. Both drivers claim the other one is at fault, obviously. His car is old and not valuable so is being written off.

I have seen the pictures. DH had an accident last year where he got hit side on by another car, in a situation where both him and the other car were both pulling out so were not going fast. The damage to our car was nonetheless significant.

The damage to this man's car is significant, yes, but I'm not convinced. For a start, he claims this other guy was speeding. But his airbag didn't deploy, he's not injured etc. The damage on the car over the one wheel is bad, yes, but to my eye, there's no buckling anywhere else except for a weird vertical dent further up the car. It certainly doesn't look like the car was hit at speed.

I am suspicious. I can't help thinking that either he faked the accident OR it did happen, but not like he's telling my friend. I don't think there's anything I can do but except for the extra financial pressure on her because guess who will be responsible for ensuring he gets a new car, surely even a narcissist doesn't benefit from a fake car accident?

AIBU and ridiculous because I dislike him so much? Surely faking this is too difficult and too stupid?

OP posts:
RoastedParnsip · 16/12/2021 13:14

YABU, and thinking this out way to much. It's nothing to do with you. Just get on with your own life.

Theremoresefulday · 16/12/2021 13:16

You’ve no idea what damage is done underneath.

I had an accident years ago that just looked like a dent on my boot (I was rear ended) but the back axle and subframe were damage. And the car was written off.

I also had genuine back pain for months after.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 16/12/2021 13:17

Agree with @RoastedParsnip

MsMarch · 16/12/2021 13:19

@RoastedParnsip

YABU, and thinking this out way to much. It's nothing to do with you. Just get on with your own life.
Well, I'd disagree it has nothing to do with me because I have been supporting my friend for almost 5 years when she opened up to me about what was happening. But overall, you're right, I'm way overthinking this and need to get on with my life and just keep supporting her!!
OP posts:
MsMarch · 16/12/2021 13:20

But it's hard. He's such a prat!

Right, accepting kick up bum!

OP posts:
MorningStarling · 16/12/2021 13:20

YABU, unless you have the technical knowledge and the physical opportunity to assess the damage.

"Speeding" doesn't mean "hit at speed" - the other driver could have been speeding but braked hard and hit him at a much lower speed. Equally doing 21mph in a 20mph zone will cause less of an impact than 63mph in a 60mph zone.

Insurers and/or police will investigate what happened.

Anyway, why is she responsible for buying him a new car?

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 16/12/2021 13:23

She has zero responsibilities for replacing / repairing his car. That's on him

Shelby2010 · 16/12/2021 13:24

Why is your friend responsible for getting him a new car? Also, if it is her house she can tell him to leave whenever she chooses.

MsMarch · 16/12/2021 13:28

Anyway, why is she responsible for buying him a new car?

She has zero responsibilities for replacing / repairing his car. That's on him

Believe me, i have made this point, repeatedly, over the last week. But their dynamic is that she feels guilty and does (or buys) whatever is needed because he is always the "victim". She's getting better about spotting and stopping these behaviours, but it's been a long time - he has her well trained.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 16/12/2021 13:33

Then step up for her. You say to him. Sorry to hear about your car. Where would you like me to drop your stuff when you move out after Christmas?

Dotty808 · 16/12/2021 13:53

@RoastedParnsip

YABU, and thinking this out way to much. It's nothing to do with you. Just get on with your own life.
100%
Yummypumpkin · 16/12/2021 13:58

You're focusing on the wrong things.

Focus on getting your friend to understand she's not responsible for him, his car or his having a roof over his head.

His lies only matter if she listens to them.

Her and your focus needs to be on getting him out.

MsMarch · 16/12/2021 14:47

@Yummypumpkin you're right. I just have to keep doing this. It's good to vent on here as I can't talk in real life to anyone as she would (understandably) see that as a betrayal as many of my friends have met her so it's not like they're strangers. So I've got my "he's such a wanker" out of my system and can go back to being on the other end of the phone/ a coffee buddy when she needs me (can't do drinks - he doesn't like it if she goes out in the evenings and the sulking and tantrums aren't worth it for her. sigh)

OP posts:
zingally · 16/12/2021 15:03

Leave it to the experts to sort out. Insurance companies pay experts BIG BUCKS to sniff out any dodgy claims. Leave it to them.

Not your monkeys, not your circus.

Yummypumpkin · 16/12/2021 17:58

[quote MsMarch]@Yummypumpkin you're right. I just have to keep doing this. It's good to vent on here as I can't talk in real life to anyone as she would (understandably) see that as a betrayal as many of my friends have met her so it's not like they're strangers. So I've got my "he's such a wanker" out of my system and can go back to being on the other end of the phone/ a coffee buddy when she needs me (can't do drinks - he doesn't like it if she goes out in the evenings and the sulking and tantrums aren't worth it for her. sigh)[/quote]
I understand perfectly! I hope for all of you she does move on...and the two of you can have a good night out!

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