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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bad behaviour in 7 year old help.!

45 replies

Specialk2021 · 15/12/2021 21:28

I have a 7 year old step daughter and tbh her behaviour is out of control.. she dosent like anything that is not going her way or the word no I mean yeah what kid does like it but this is getting beyond a joke now.. she throws tantrums at absolutely anything possible.. I’ve tried naughty step, reward charts that just get torn up every time I use them.. I’ve tried ignoring it but she throws stuff bangs on stairs on walls screams it’s impossible to ignore her. She is driving a wedge between me and her dad the school just want to refer her to a councillor but she won’t speak to anyone unless it’s family.. I’m completely at a loss with what to do with her and I’m on the verge of packing my stuff and moving out.. btw she is my step daughter.. I can’t do this for much longer please help

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 23/12/2021 21:22

This child needs to be seen by CAMHS. And her dad needs to take his head out of the sand and request a referral.

Things that may help whilst your waiting…

Do not use the word ‘no’, instead make the other options sound more appealing or give her a reason why she can’t have what she’s asking for “we are out of xxxx but we have yyyyy and that’s even better than xxxx”.

Pick your battles 😬, I’m not saying give in to her as such but sometimes it’s not worth the fall out.

Try not to get stressed out or raise your voice, if you have to just walk away and let her scream.

Your dh really needs to get help. If it does get too much I would consider walking away, you have your own dd to consider here.

OkThenJustChill · 23/12/2021 21:33

Well isn't your DP clever. He has got himself a live in nanny for his difficult child for free. And he probably gets all his meals made and sex to boot! I hope you're taking a backseat with parenting his kids over Christmas? It might make him finally come to his senses and gst his daughter some support.

Original poster

Specialk2021 · 23/12/2021 21:38

I’ve tried the we haven’t got what you want or this is way better than that.. it 9/10 Ends up in her breaking something.. okthenjustchill your bang on! Meals made on request and everything else that’s why I’m starting to feel like a mug.. and I’m not taking a backseat I’m through the fucking windscreen if that makes sense.. I’ve completely gutted the house from top to bottom today and it already looks like a bombs hit it. Tomorrows the same old shit

OP posts:

DoubleShotEspresso · 23/12/2021 21:39

@Specialk2021 I've got first hand experience of this challenging behaviour , it can really grind you dow until you find the correct methods and strategies .
Happy to private message/chat if it's helpful

Bananalanacake · 23/12/2021 21:41

Sorry it's not clear, is your 7 yr old also his? If not there is no reason at all to live together. You can have a relationship living separately. How long were you together when you moved in, was it his idea? I may be a cynic but I'm wondering if he wanted a live in nanny.

Original poster

Specialk2021 · 23/12/2021 21:45

No my d is from a previous relationship. After being abused for 3 years by my dd I just wanted a happy family now I feel like it’s all back firing

OP posts:

Original poster

Specialk2021 · 23/12/2021 21:45

Doubleshotespresso
If you wouldn’t mind I need to try anything at this point

OP posts:

SuperSleepyBaby · 23/12/2021 21:46

Why are you with a man that treats you like that?

Also, i feel sorry for this 7 year old!

DoubleShotEspresso · 23/12/2021 21:49

@Specialk2021

Doubleshotespresso If you wouldn’t mind I need to try anything at this point

Feel free to message me

Terminallysleepdeprived · 23/12/2021 21:49

@specialk2021 firstly sending huge hugs it sounds horrific.

You have 2 issues here and the biggest one isn't your step daughter.

Her dad needs to pull his head out of his arse and start acknowledging that she is a damaged little girl who is screaming out for help.

How much do you know about why dad has custody?

A lot of the behaviour you describe is common in kids with attachment disorders.

He needs to get her help

Marmelace · 23/12/2021 21:52

This scenario is all too familiar on mn at the moment

Daisy1245 · 23/12/2021 21:54

Leave seriously. You and your dd will be better off.

Hankunamatata · 23/12/2021 22:11

Op you can access services for support for you.
www.barnardos.org.uk/what-we-do/helping-families
www.home-start.org.uk/Pages/Category/things-we-can-help-with
incredibleyears.com/programs/parent/ I did this though local charity it was amazing

user1471457751 · 23/12/2021 22:19

You need to get a full-time job and move out with your child. This current situation isn't fair on you, your child or the 2 stepchildren.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 23/12/2021 22:27

Could it be that she wants her Mummy, not her Dad's girlfriend?

Goldbar · 23/12/2021 22:39

You need to do what is best for your own child. It sounds like they are growing up in quite a chaotic household atm. Is this really the life you want for you and them?

Wolfiefan · 23/12/2021 22:45

Being abused for three years? Who by?

mnetting · 23/12/2021 22:56

I'm going to go against the grain here and say don't move out, this girl needs stability and will with support get through this.
Don't give up on her she just doesn't know how to communicate her emotions.
I was also the same at this age and probably through my teens, I didn't mean to be but I'm so close to my parents now and even after what I put them through they were still waiting at the other end and I'm so grateful, all I can say was I was struggling and trying to fit in and took it out on the people who love me.
I have a 4 year old dd now and she's the same probably karma but I'm beside her no matter what because she needs me and I get it.

Lockdownbear · 23/12/2021 23:30

@mnetting I think your being a bit unfair on the Op to guilt trip her into staying because the child needs stability.
Sounds to me like it's a very hurt girl who wants her parents attention, Dad seems to have been given custody but isn't stepping up to the mark, going to bed at 6pm sounds like a case of lazitius.
Did he fight for custody to dodge paying maintenance?

There is two people Op needs to put first in this whole sorry affair herself and her own DD.

lisaandalan · 23/12/2021 23:53

I'd leave, it can't be good for your child either and not good seeing you so upset. X

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