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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report elderly neighbour's driving to DVLA

49 replies

ffscovid · 15/12/2021 17:17

My neighbour is in his mid-80s, is a bachelor living alone and is physically very fit and fiercely independent. He goes out for all daylight hours most days for long walks in the countryside / at the coast / volunteers as a conversation worker and so on. He's marvellous for his age!
Over the last couple of years though, I've noticed his driving ability has deteriorated quite a lot. Rarely a week goes by without a new scrape or dent appearing on his car and he appears to struggle to pull off (we're on a hill and there's an awful lot of revving and smoke before the car starts to move). I met him in a lane today and he was bouncing from one hedge to another trying to reverse a short distance to the passing place - it was a straight line of about 10m max.
Because of our rural location, his car is literally his lifeline. His entire days involve him having to drive to wherever he's walking / volunteering and there's no public transport options. He drives to the supermarket to do his weekly shop etc. too.
But.. I am genuinely concerned that he's no longer fit to drive. We don't have a close friendship (just polite 'hellos' in the street) so I don't feel I could talk to him about this.
WIBU to report him to DVLA (anonymously). Am I right in thinking they'd assess him and it wouldn't necessarily mean he'd lose his license? Or should I mind my own business and hope he doesn't kill anyone.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 15/12/2021 17:20

He has to renew every 3 yrs
www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/travel-hobbies/driving/

Ponoka7 · 15/12/2021 17:20

I'd report him. There's been some tragic deaths by people who shouldn't be driving.

Janek · 15/12/2021 17:21

Renewing your licence doesn't mean anyone independent assesses whether you're safe to drive though.

Happy1982ish · 15/12/2021 17:22

Honestly op
It makes me nervous that this man will be driving tomorrow

You MUST report him
As a matter of urgency
Tomorrow am

flummingbird · 15/12/2021 17:26

I reported my stepdad's dad a few years ago as he was dangerous due to eyesight and reaction times etc. They wrote to him and essentially said if he didn't think he should be driving he should stop. He didn't, we had to take the car off him when he parked it up one day, forgot hed even taken it and got the bus home. Only realised a week later it wasn't outside his house..

YodaiamsaidI · 15/12/2021 17:27

I'd report him and when you notice the car is gone/not being driven you could offer to set up online groceries or to take him along when you go,hopefully he'd have friends at groups/volunteering who would be willing to pick him up.He may decide he needs to relocate closer to a town.

Happy1982ish · 15/12/2021 17:28

We took keys off our aunt

And wrote to her GP to express serious concerns

She doesn’t drive anymore
Yes she’s not got the freedom that comes with driving
But sadly - it’s just one of the many things you have to suck up when you get very aged

AutumnLeaves21 · 15/12/2021 17:29

Of course you should report him. The rural location and independence are red herrings. If he’s fit to drive, he won’t lose his license, no harm done. If he isn’t, then unfortunately he shouldn’t be driving regardless of lack of public transport etc. he could kill someone.

EgonSpengler2020 · 15/12/2021 17:30

What a shame, that's a really tough situation, but I think you HAVE to report it.

I once went to an incident where a very elderly driver got the wrong pedal in his auto, panicked and reversed at speed across a car park, a main road, a pavement, a bus station road area and then onto the pedestrian bus stop area. Somehow despite all the mums with prams and OAPs in wheelchairs or with walking sticks the only person he hit was a middle aged man sat on a low wall with his head down looking at his phone, who got away with (just) a nasty fracture to his leg. It was a miracle it didn't make national or even international news.

Deisogn · 15/12/2021 17:30

The problem is no one will do anything about it. You can report him but all they will do is write to him.

notanothertakeaway · 15/12/2021 17:30

I posted a similar query on here,and was told to mind my own business

But I think you should report it

Intheopinionofourexpert · 15/12/2021 17:31

I think you should report him. If his licence is taken away, it will undoubtedly cause him difficulties, but if he injures (or worse) someone, that would be terrible. I was hit head on, on my side of the road, by an elderly driver who shouldn't have been driving. Luckily he only wrote off my car, bit it could have been much worse.

My FiL's driving became erratic, and his car developed multiple dents. DH decided he couldn't live with himself if FiL caused an accident. DH spoke to the GP who handled the matter tactfully, and persisted him to stop driving. Life did becomes much more difficult, but it was the right thing to do. Interestingly a number of FiL's neghbours were pleased that he was no longer driving, as just like you, they were becoming worried. Does he have any family you might be able to have a word with?

TrashyPanda · 15/12/2021 17:32

I’ve been through this with both my (now deceased) parents.

Don’t bring it up with him - you will only get anger “you’re trying to take away my independence” and excuses “I only drive locally”
Neither of these alter the fact he is not safe to drive.
Report him.

minniemoll · 15/12/2021 17:33

If it's the case that the DVLA will only write to him, it might be worth logging your concerns with the police on 101. Hopefully that'd put an alert out for the police to keep an eye on his driving if they see him out and about - if they see him driving dangerously it should be much easier for them to do something about it.

ImmutableSexQueen · 15/12/2021 17:34

My dad list confidence and gave up driving earlier this year, at 89. I think I'll be giving up
long before that.

BatshitBanshee · 15/12/2021 17:35

Report him before he kills someone. DH's GM had to have the car taken off her because she was legally blind but insisted she could still drive if she "tilted her glasses" a certain way.

Hoppinggreen · 15/12/2021 17:35

Unfortunately they won’t do anything unless he is caught and charged with dangerous driving.
The 3 year thing is ridiculous because all he has to do is sign to say he’s fit to drive, there’s no outside assessment.
All too often nothing is done until there’s an accident

ImmutableSexQueen · 15/12/2021 17:36

Lost! What's wrong with my i and o today? Just messaged dd to tell her I was at the back gate, having locked myself out - but I'd have to have been a contortionist to do what I seemed to have typed!

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 15/12/2021 17:39

Please report to the police or DVLA . Old people like this often kill themselves and others for driving when they really shouldn’t be.

pigsDOfly · 15/12/2021 17:41

I've just renewed my driving licence, it's the second time as I'm 73.

No one assesses you.

You tick the boxes asking about your physical ability to drive and if you can see - I think they ask if you've had an eye test in the last two years.

It's frankly ridiculous. You could have no use in your arms but if you tick the relevant box saying you have no problems then you can get in a car and drive; I doubt anyone checks up on these things.

The standard isn't very high anyway.

I know someone aged 85 who has damage to one eye and has very poor sight in that eye. He's been told by his hospital eye specialist that he's fine to drive.

As hard as it is OP. I think you should report him. He doesn't sound as if he's driving at all well.

I doubt they just remove his licence without investigating it further because someone reports their concerns, and you could save his, or someone else's life.

SpeckledlyHen · 15/12/2021 17:45

It's a difficult one but if you are genuinely concerned about the safety of himself and or others behind the wheel of a car then I think it is your duty to do something about it.

My old neighbour (I moved away) got like your neighbour sounds. I know her car specifically and I have followed her down the road and honestly thought it was someone pissed before I realised it was her car. Drifting over the carriageway etc on rural lanes and blind bends. If another car had been coming she would not have the reaction times to revert back to the right side of the road.

Another time her car got "stolen" from M&S carpark. It was found parked up on the street opposite M&S - still locked with no damage in a disabled parking bay. Police were involved and it was very traumatic - sadly it seems she had forgotten where she had parked. If you speak to her she is totally coherent but I did worry about her driving.

Thankfully though she has recognised this and is selling up to move to sheltered accommodation in the large village so she does not need a car anymore. Like you it was a rural lane, could not walk anywhere, to get a pint of milk she had to get the car out.

Happy1982ish · 15/12/2021 17:47

@notanothertakeaway

I posted a similar query on here,and was told to mind my own business

But I think you should report it

You said an elderly person was dangerously driving And they said mind your own business?

Really?

notanothertakeaway · 15/12/2021 18:06

@Happy1982ish Yes, posters on AIBU accused me of meddling, taking away his independence etc. In the end, I didnt have enough info to report anyway, as I didnt know his surname

Bluetrews25 · 15/12/2021 18:13

Do you know who his GP is?
Maybe report that way, might have more of an effect.

Original poster
ffscovid · 15/12/2021 18:16

Thank you everyone for your input. I will feel awful if his independence is taken away and will never tell a soul it was me that reported him but I'd feel a lot worse if he was involved in an accident. Seeing how he manoeuvred in the lane was scary. He shouldn't be driving.
I presume I can report based on his number plate? I don't know his name (only 'Jim').

OP posts: