To ask you for your experiences and conflict management tips for this situation?

[TheMILinatorReturns]

So it's a work situation I have to go into a meeting in a toxic environment where my boss and I will be fired upon by a guy from another company who is a total arse but in a senior role to me. Last meeting he interrogated us in front of the client, picked fault with every single thing we had done -even really stupid pointless arguments. I can do constructive criticism but this was very nasty trying to blind with science, lead you around in circles until you are all confused/stuck in a corner stuff, jumping on every word and twisting it, the kind of behaviour I might expect perhaps from a prosecutor in court to be honest (we are not lawyers!). I can't say what type of work it is as would be outing but we are the only ones trying to achieve something on this project, have actually done some amazing works to date on a project with a difficult stakeholder and this guy is grinding progress to a halt. I think he is doing this as his agenda may be to try to make us look incompetent in front of the client and insert his company into the role as he has seen pound signs. AIBU to think there is a way I can deal with this to head this guy off without seeming confrontational or just letting him steamroller us? Is there a middle way? Maybe I have just been lucky to get this far in but I have never had to deal with this level of jerk (at work!) before. Anyone had this at their work and how did you deal with it if so? I'm totally blindsided! Sorry if this is wrong place to post but desperate for a response having sleepless nights about this meeting! 😟 Please help!

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

Ok so the project or site or whatever it is is owned by one company but actually used by another? And you’re contracted to the owner while he is contracted by the user? So it’s important to meet the owner’s requirements but the owner will also care about what the user thinks?

Yes exactly it's sort of like a landlord-tenant relationship for explanation. But a bit more complicated and historically incestuous than that sigh..either way to me a mutually respectful and collaborative relationship would be beneficial to both parties IMHO. The first meeting with this guy and yes he is new on the scene I was probably quite defensive as I wasn't expecting to be attacked out of nowhere so felt a bit on the back foot. Annoyed now at this. He came up with some bonkers 'solution' to a problem we had already a solution for and which had already been agreed. I had to then spend a lot of time proving why this was bonkers, wouldn't work and why our idea and method was better which has then impacted on the other stuff I needed to be doing. Basically everything is getting derailed by constantly having to justify every excruciating detail all of a sudden. And on a project this large where we are accountable for time, cost, disruption and quality of the work I can see we may not meet our deadlines.

Ah ok so that was going to be my next question: when you say the user signed off on the stuff he’s objecting to, was it HIM who signed off, or a predecessor / colleague? Sounds from what you say as though he is new to the situation and trying to make his mark by fiddling with whatever his predecessor agreed on, in order to impress his employer / the owner.

If he starts up again I would very politely but firmly say something like: ‘[User company name] signed off on all of these points early on in this project. I appreciate you’re new to the project since then; would it be helpful to arrange a separate meeting to talk you through the rationale behind those decisions?’ Make it very clear that they are not up for renegotiation because of the impact on the delivery timescale; any meeting would be purely for his information.

Call him up beforehand and ask if he has any issues he wants to raise and explain what will be covered.

I had to do a competency test for the civil service and I am sure there was a question like this. I gave that sort of answer (from multiple choice). I passed!

@MistySkiesAfterRain

Call him up beforehand and ask if he has any issues he wants to raise and explain what will be covered.

I had to do a competency test for the civil service and I am sure there was a question like this. I gave that sort of answer (from multiple choice). I passed!

Good advice however at least in the meeting in front of the others there can be no going back on what was said. Given he seems to get twisted enjoyment from deliberately derailing everything I wouldn't put it past him to roll out a new issue for the meeting! I guess it's worth a try though.

@KickAssAngel

I would suggest that if he has lots of questions about the technical stuff, rather than the general progress, that you schedule a separate meeting without the client, to take a "deep dive" into technical things, with a summary given out to clients at the end.

That way it doesn't play out in front of the client, and you can be more direct with him about his behaviour. Potentially, you could also bring in other people with the knowledge to support you.

Of course, the client who is paying him would need to agree that this is OK.

I also think you should agree with the client that he won't visit sites without you/one of your team there as it causes delay to the work.

That's actually a good idea. I have a feeling he might try to suggest this is because there is something to hide but honestly it does make for a longer meeting for everyone so may be easy to convince the rest! Sticking rigidly to the agenda also should help with this.