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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to go to a Christmas party night now?

17 replies

sarah13xx · 15/12/2021 02:08

Long story short we were supposed to be going to a Christmas party night for my friend’s belated 40th birthday. She’s had a really tough time this year between her dad dying, her relationship breaking down then her 40th birthday holiday she had booked to cheer herself up being cancelled. I was looking forward to the party night until a week or two ago when it became more obvious that the timing of it was terrible, just a week before Christmas. My dad has just had covid really badly and I obviously want to avoid it but not only that, I have a baby and really don’t want to miss his first Christmas due to having to isolate or worse still, pass it onto him.

I’m in Scotland so the advice from the FM today was to limit socialising to max 3 households. There are lots of people in our group that I don’t even know but I think around 12 people are supposed to be going to the party night. Common sense would say don’t go, it’s not worth the risk just for the sake of one night out when now even the government are warning against it. On the other hand though we’ve paid for it in full, no one else has pulled out so I might appear to be dramatic and the main reason is the fact I think we’re all only still going because she needs cheering up 😕 I feel that by going I’d be putting her needs above those of me and my little family though but I can’t bring myself to text her and say I’m cancelling. AIBU to want to cancel on her?

OP posts:
NightOwlWoes · 15/12/2021 02:13

Cancel. You should be putting yourself and your family first.

Bubblecap · 15/12/2021 02:15

I had a Christmas do tomorrow but was having second thoughts. My friend who invited me was also having second thoughts and was relieved I suggested cancelling. My reasoning is my MIL is 80 next week and DH is driving down to collect her to stay with us for Christmas and NY. He can work from home, DS can’t but we are limiting unnecessary stuff now to try and give a woman who had to have Christmas totally alone last year a lovely time. We saw her in the summer thankfully. I love my friend but I love MIL more.

JustJoinedRightNow · 15/12/2021 02:22

I would cancel. She should understand, and if not, then that’s on her. It would be awful if you went and caught it, you would always be really cross with yourself. Protect you and your family.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 15/12/2021 03:35

Doesn't matter what they think. It's better to cancel than risk catching covid.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/12/2021 05:23

You're overthinking this and worrying far too much about what other people think. Going to a party right now doesn't work for you, for good reason. Wish them well and stay home.

Pippa12 · 15/12/2021 05:23

I’ve cancelled all my plans, it so sad, but I know it’s the right thing to do for my family who I’ll spend Xmas day with.

pilates · 15/12/2021 05:33

Cancel, I have

garlictwist · 15/12/2021 05:37

I've got my work xmas do today and I really don't want to go. I haven't had my booster yet and I feel like it's quite risky. However I feel it will look bad if I don't go so I am going but will just try hold my breath the whole time or something Grin.

Capricopia · 15/12/2021 05:58

YANBU. I’ve had to do the same this week and it’s a horrible feeling but you’re right - you really don’t want to risk getting covid a week before Christmas and having to miss spending time with your family.

Your friend must understand. It’s really hard for her (and everyone who has had important plans cancelled) but it’s absolutely understandable that people aren’t up for taking risks at this time of year.

MaverickSnoopy · 15/12/2021 06:12

We've cancelled everything too. Is it possible to just assume that due to the change of rules that its been cancelled already?

Kleptronic · 15/12/2021 06:25

I've cancelled myself from my own big birthday meal out, for similar reasons. Seven others promptly cancelled too, even though we're paid deposits. It's just the times we're in. I can't risk Christmas for my elderly relatives.

GrannyBattleaxe · 15/12/2021 06:45

We’re in Scotland, I’m cancelling everything including having our elderly neighbour in for mince pies Christmas Eve, we’ll have our chats in the garden again. Life is so short, being cautious is sensible.

sarah13xx · 15/12/2021 08:12

Thanks everyone.. that was kind of the encouragement I needed to tell her I’m not going. I haven’t heard anything from her at all and given the advice yesterday if it was me I’d probably be contacting everyone that was going to cancel it or myself or at least checking people were happy to go against the guidance and still go. It seems obvious that we wouldn’t be going now

@MaverickSnoopy I haven’t seen anything on the hotel’s Facebook about it being cancelled but I feel like going out for dinner with a group larger than 3 would already be going against what they say but going to a party night with 12 people involving dancing etc just seems stupid just now

OP posts:
sarah13xx · 15/12/2021 08:13

@GrannyBattleaxe it seems everyone thinks that. I’ve been quite cautious the whole way through, especially being pregnant then having a young baby. I think I’m going to have to message her today

OP posts:
Nothavingfunrightnow · 15/12/2021 10:03

I also cancelled plans I had. I realised I was more concerned about disappointing the people I'd invited for dinner, than I was about protecting me and my family. I felt a sense of relief once I cancelled

I'd cancel in your situation, too, OP.

notanothertakeaway · 15/12/2021 10:08

Just say that following yesterday's announcement you would prefer not to attend, but look forward to catching up soon. Maybe suggest a date in Feb so she has something to look forward to

Don't say it doesn't feel safe / would be irresponsible, as that could come across as criticism of people who choose to attend

And definitely don't say you're prioritising your own little family, as that'll put the boot in

Could you phone the venue to ask if they'll still be allowing it to proceed? Would be good if the decision is taken it if your hands

sarah13xx · 15/12/2021 10:20

@notanothertakeaway I was wondering about phoning them. I was actually hoping Nicola Sturgeon categorically banned party nights or tables over 3 households last night just so I didn’t have to be the one to say. I’ve got the ball rolling a bit speaking too some other people who are supposed to be going and at least two are feeling the same as me. It’s just about how we word it I think

OP posts:
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