To want somebody to get through to weed smoking son

[Comingup]

He smokes it every day. His attendance and grades are poor at college. Have reached the end of my tether, as tonight's conversation was him telling me that yes he will get high and drive a car when he passes and yes he will get in cars with his stoned mates ...and I am clueless and have never done it so don't know anything. Laughing about it, even though I have told him the risks, thinks its all a big joke.
Have tried help from college ,gp Frank. Was thinking of getting a community pc to talk to him. Nothing and nobody can get through to him so maybe that's no good either.. I don't know what to do, it is destroying my MH.

OP- if you haven’t already, you might find it helpful to do some reading about Motivational Interviewing, to have in mind when you’re talking with your son. He’s not going to stop until he decides that what he gets out of it is not worth the cost, but MI techniques can help you encourage him to start reflecting on that for himself. www.addictioncenter.com/treatment/motivational-interviewing/

From another perspective. I would constantly smoke weed in the end I got dvt in my leg which didn't show to begin with and could have died had it not been that the nurse wanted to check with a consultant. Dvt hurts and I've been clean ever since.

I'd have a word with the driving instructor...

You can't stop your son smoking weed, so you need to look after yourself. Stop giving him any money. You can't control how he spends what he earns, but you don't have to add to it.

Do contact an organisation like Drugfam as mentioned above - the worst thing about living with someone who is dependent on substances is the feeling of being alone, and talking to others in the same boat is incredibly helpful. It takes the sense of shame out of it (and rightly - none of this is your fault).

What an ignorant, offensive, hurtful, and rude thing that would be to do to another human being.

@OneRuleForThem has really got a problem with homeless people as pointed out repeatedly on their “homeless bank accounts” thread.

Report him to the DVLA - i understand that he is still learning but passing his test and owning a car seems to be one of his goals . If nothing else, you need to protect others from the consequences of him driving under the influence.
Also report to the police. I doubt it would be much of a priority for them, but could shake him up enough to stop.

@Comingup

Sorry, he is 17. I have had calm conversations with him but he refuses to listen, have sent him resources from Frank etc but he says because I and these people have not done it, we cannot tell him anything or know anything about it!!! Just to clarify, he takes driving lessons but not passed yet. I am hoping the backlog for tests is a really long time..

It seems like he keeps coming back to the whole "you haven't done it so you don't know". Maybe you should try it OP? There's few things more uncool for a teenage boy than doing the same thing as your mum

Im affraid Op, even if he is your son. Driving in any capacity under the influence of drugs is illegal and dangerous.

You have a right to report it to the DVLA and police and let his driving instructor know if you suspect he is. I would inform him of your intentions otherwise I hope you can live with your own conscience if he kills or injures another person or child. This is not a go at you its just a simple fact.

@NeilBuchananisBanksy

I'd have a word with the driving instructor...

This. If he runs the risk of taking lessons under the influence, then I'd tell the instructor and cut those lessons off. Instructor is not going to risk their insurance. Is the weed on your property? Ie. In his bedroom? If so, I'd shop him to the cops. If he doesn't want to listen and he intends to drive under the influence when fully licensed, I'd go to the extreme now and get police involved. What an entitled little arsehole that he thinks any of this is acceptable.

Don't lend him a penny.

Charge him rent and board. £500 per month sounds reasonable. Or speak to his employer and get him sacked. You need to cut off his money supply. Last resort kick him out, you can’t have a drug addict under your roof.

There is nothing you can do by the soudns of it, he soudns very stubborn.

I know of atleast 3 people that have had their licenses took off them for drug driving, so he will have to live with the consequences if he is silly enough to make that choice.
All 3 of which lost their jobs also because they no longer could travel.

Also - he has a part time job and earns £500 dispoable income a month, which is more than i have in my full time job after bills! He runs out - he has no money for weed, simple!
And if he cant get to college because of the bus etc, then so be it.
Tough love is needed here and no support whilst he is choosing this path

@RealMermaid that comment made me laugh!!! Yes I can just imagine it would lose every bit of hype if he came back and found me doing it!!!

I wish I had some advice but I'm hear to share my sympathy. My son started at 14. My exceptionally bright teenager has now become a pretty blank early twenty something. Jobless and depressed. With no ability to motivate himself. Daily weed use has made this.
It breaks my damn heart. I don't know how to help. I've tried everything. I'm at a loss.

Stop lending him money. He won't be able to buy a car if he spends his 500 a month on weed. Also don't buy him a car of course.