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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if this would irritate you too or...

19 replies

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 21:34

Am I just getting too intolerant in middle age?

DH and I (who I’m struggling with living with in other ways) were in the kitchen talking. He went to lift himself up to sit on the work surface whilst I was stood on the floor. Only been in there five mins. Not a long discussion.

Happy to be told I’m a miserable old bag

OP posts:

FancyNedFlanders · 14/12/2021 21:37

I don’t even get this as an issue? We both do this literally all the time.

Is the problem sitting on the work surface? Or that it was only after a short space of time? Or… what 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Aprilx · 14/12/2021 21:38

What?

ASDmam · 14/12/2021 21:38

I’m guessing he’s always done this? I don’t understand why people do it but they do.

FawnFrenchieMum · 14/12/2021 21:39

Which bit is the issue, sitting on the worktop or sitting on the worktop while having a short conversation with you?

Angelton · 14/12/2021 21:40

As my nana used to say, the work surface is for pots not bots! I would have told him to get down.

MrsPleasant · 14/12/2021 21:40

Does that not imply he was settling himself in for a chat? Guessing that's not a welcome move!

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 14/12/2021 21:41

It doesn't sound bad at all to me, however I would take exception at the way someone ties their shoelace if they are irritating me anyway, so I understand 😂

Original poster

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 22:06

Angelton

As my nana used to say, the work surface is for pots not bots! I would have told him to get down.

Yes. It’s this.

And that he’d then be a lot higher than me and id have to look up to him.

Also, in a middle aged man it just seems a bit odd.

But the majority rule. I am getting intolerant in my later years. TBH most of what he does is irritating me at the moment so I knew it was at least partly me!

Thanks for reality check all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 22:09

MrsPleasant

May be he was settling himself in for a chat but I have no desire to stand on a cold kitchen floor looking up at him as he sits comfortably on the kitchen worktop looking down at me. Yes, I can hear the irritation in my voice too. I need to go to bed. I’m very tired and cranky today!

OP posts:

Original poster

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 22:09

ABCeasyasdohrayme

OP posts:

dudsville · 14/12/2021 22:13

My oh has taken to doing this. He's 62. It doesn't bother me. I do feel a little worried re the sturdiness of the construction of the counter, but he's slim so I don't say anything.

Original poster

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 22:15

Oh! I’ve suddenly realised what it is. I might be reacting strongly because usually this behaviour marks the start of a very long, often ranty, often opinionated, rant about something - where he doesn’t pause and requires zero input from me for him to keep going. It’s his equivalent of a soap box!! He hasn’t done it for a while so I’d forgotten.

Does that make my reaction more reasonable? regardless I am very tired and cranky so should just go to bed before I say something regrettable.

OP posts:

Original poster

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 22:18

dudsville

He can still surprise you with new behaviour then - that’s good I think. You are more patient than I am. I shall reconsider my position on it!

OP posts:

Original poster

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 22:20

Oh and the bit about it only being a short conversation was for context. It wasn’t that his legs were tired from listening to me for hours or anything.

OP posts:

Frauhubert · 14/12/2021 22:46

Obviously you can’t control what irritates you, but i’m a believer that one can sit anywhere they like in their own home.

Moonbabysmum · 14/12/2021 23:44

TBH most of what he does is irritating me at the moment so I knew it was at least partly me! grin

This one was fully in you I think. I don't see he's done anything wrong at all.

hufflepuffnstuff · 14/12/2021 23:53

Yes, that would annoy me. I was taught that you don't sit on the work surface. Not everyone will feel the same, but I don't think it's unreasonable expectation that adults won't sit there. A bit strange that he's suddenly started doing this, imo. I'd probably have said something in (mild) shock, just as he did it. No point bringing it up later, though, unless he's doing it frequently and you can address it as it's happening as you do with children and puppies.

dudsville · 15/12/2021 07:52

@Suspiciousmind20

dudsville

He can still surprise you with new behaviour then - that’s good I think. You are more patient than I am. I shall reconsider my position on it!

Sure, I guess the main difference between our experience is you described him being elevated above you, settling in for the long speech, whereas I don't feel a power imbalance. I'm also a little talker than oh.

Capricopia · 15/12/2021 08:39

I don’t think I would even think twice about this, but there’s clearly a long backstory here so I don’t think you’re unreasonable if it’s usually a precursor to tedious rants!

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