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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to suspect something?

30 replies

Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:00

DH was due to go out tonight with some ex colleagues/friends including his brother who worked for the same company! It was for a friend’s /colleague’s leaving party. DH was running late and was going to cancel, when said colleague messaged the group on their chat saying he was going to giving it a miss as he doesn’t want to spend his last night with a “🐍”. Then he and the rest of the boys left the group one by one (not before changing the group name to a bunch of snake emojis) leaving only DH and DH’s brother wandering what had just happened! And, yes, they are in their late twenties/thirties! And, yes, they actually changed the name of the group to a bunch of snake emojis! I can’t believe I typed this! Bare in mind, these are professional adults! Also, had DH been on time, he would have been left at the table in the pub with his brother!

DH messaged everyone in the group asking what had happened! Nobody told him anything until his brother confessed he had messaged his colleague’s ex girlfriend (but apparently it was innocent, although his colleague doesn’t think so and has “irrefutable evidence”!) I asked DH why he wasn’t more annoyed as I know it’s his brother (probably why they didn’t tell him anything) but they’re also his friends and most of them were at our wedding! He also speaks to them regularly! If it were me, I’d feel upset and betrayed. He just said, “I know, right”. Then I said jokingly, “unless you’ve been messaging this woman too”. He then replied, “I only messaged her asking her to give me motivation to join the gym, that’s it!” This woman has lost a tonne of weight and is looking very good nowadays! Just to give some context!

I repeated the story to a friend and her words were, “I wish I were as laid back as you! My ex-husband would be sleeping in his car!” She also said she hates when married men message her trying to start a conversation!

AIBU to suspect anything?

Yes, I know these men are childish!

OP posts:
Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:02

Also, sorry to drip feed, I read my post back and the words were, “I don’t want to spend my last night here with 🐍 (can’t remember if it were one or two emojis. I was right next to him, that’s how
I saw it.)

OP posts:
CantBeAssed · 14/12/2021 21:05

I would most definitely be smelling a rat here! Asking questions will get you nowhere, just lies and dh and his brother covering for each other. You need to dig, gather evidence..can you ask and partners of the colleagues?

RoastedParnsip · 14/12/2021 21:08

Motivation to join the gym? Cmon your not stupid op. There's definitely a lot more to the story.

Fidgetty · 14/12/2021 21:08

Sounds strange all round. Did he look guilty/embarrassed when it happened/when you read the message?

I would be a bit Hmm if a married man contacted me in that context - is he friendly with the woman in question or messaging her out of the blue? If the latter then I wouldn't be happy about it as it has pervy connotations to me - assuming when you say she's lost a lot of weight that there's plenty of Instagram poser type pics to go along with this?!

Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:08

@CantBeAssed

I would most definitely be smelling a rat here! Asking questions will get you nowhere, just lies and dh and his brother covering for each other. You need to dig, gather evidence..can you ask and partners of the colleagues?
I have thought about doing this!
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ShamalaHamala · 14/12/2021 21:09

That's very weird and I would not trust them at all. How close are you to the others in the group? Could you quietly message one and ask if there is anything you should know?

Fidgetty · 14/12/2021 21:09

Yes I would do the same - ask the others outright what's happened (face to face if you can)

Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:10

@Fidgetty

Sounds strange all round. Did he look guilty/embarrassed when it happened/when you read the message?

I would be a bit Hmm if a married man contacted me in that context - is he friendly with the woman in question or messaging her out of the blue? If the latter then I wouldn't be happy about it as it has pervy connotations to me - assuming when you say she's lost a lot of weight that there's plenty of Instagram poser type pics to go along with this?!

We saw her a few months ago in the shop and stopped to chat. She told us her and this man were no longer together!
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CantBeAssed · 14/12/2021 21:11

I would strike when the iron is hot...more chance of them spilling something when they are obviously pissed about something. Good luck, think you know it's not going to be innocent!

Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:12

@ShamalaHamala

That's very weird and I would not trust them at all. How close are you to the others in the group? Could you quietly message one and ask if there is anything you should know?
I know one of their partners quite well! It’s worth mentioning that DH brother has been unfaithful to his partner and slept with a friend of mine who didn’t know he was in a relationship - she told me after! I really like his partner. Feel bad for her!
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RosieCockle · 14/12/2021 21:16

Sounds like a right shit show. I hope you get to the bottom of it.

FenceSplinters · 14/12/2021 21:18

So your DH and his brother have been messaging the woman?

redastherose · 14/12/2021 21:18

Can you message the ex partner of the woman to find out whether it was your DH or his brother who has been carrying on with her? It sounds like he may be saying it's his brother when it's actually your DH whose been caught out!

Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:20

@rosiecockle me too! It’s driving me mad! I don’t want to be taken for an idiot!

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Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:21

@FenceSplinters

So your DH and his brother have been messaging the woman?
Yes. They both inboxed her 🙄
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Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:23

@redastherose

Can you message the ex partner of the woman to find out whether it was your DH or his brother who has been carrying on with her? It sounds like he may be saying it's his brother when it's actually your DH whose been caught out!
His brother has definitely messaged her too! They both say it’s innocent and don’t understand their friends reaction!
OP posts:
Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:23

I’m not on Facebook but I’m reactivating it tomorrow. Stuff it!

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lynntheyresexpeople · 14/12/2021 21:24

Wow - I hope you get to the bottom of it op

Skeumorph · 14/12/2021 21:25

They both inboxed her... according to your DH.

Or maybe it's actually just your DH.

Valaris · 14/12/2021 21:31

It’s worth mentioning that DH brother has been unfaithful to his partner and slept with a friend of mine who didn’t know he was in a relationship - she told me after! I really like his partner. Feel bad for her!

So does your BIL's partner know he cheated on her? If not, why haven't you told her?

thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2021 21:43

I couldn’t make head or tail of this. Who was doing the messaging of the woman? And what’s with the 🐍?

Think I need to go to bed.

Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:47

@Valaris

It’s worth mentioning that DH brother has been unfaithful to his partner and slept with a friend of mine who didn’t know he was in a relationship - she told me after! I really like his partner. Feel bad for her!

So does your BIL's partner know he cheated on her? If not, why haven't you told her?

No, she doesn’t know! I don’t want to involve myself in their private lives! And I can’t be 100% sure! My friend told me she had slept with DH brother and I asked her when. She said it was about a year ago! I told her he was in a relationship then and she said, “well it might be longer, I can’t remember!”
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5keletor · 14/12/2021 21:54

YANBU to be suspicious. Also might just be me, but messaging her asking for motivation sounds like he's fishing for a photo of her. It's just a weird thing to ask someone who isn't at least a very close friend imo.

RickJames · 14/12/2021 21:55

So, your DH and his brother have sexually harassed their mate's girlfriend online.

Mate is unhappy. Can't blame him really.

Wazza89 · 14/12/2021 21:59

@5keletor

YANBU to be suspicious. Also might just be me, but messaging her asking for motivation sounds like he's fishing for a photo of her. It's just a weird thing to ask someone who isn't at least a very close friend imo.
That did cross my mind!
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