Parents and their dog...

[livelyredjellybean]

I have posted about this before but no progress has been made... this is also incredibly outing but hey ho, here it goes!
I’ll start by saying that I’m qualified in animal behaviour and have worked professionally with dogs previously. I also own a number myself and my children are used to dogs, as is my husband.
My parents live around 4 hours away from us. They have a dog who they’ve owned for about 8 years now; she was a stray of about 1yr old when they took her on so there is no known history. The dog has previously “nipped” people on more than one occasion - including a friend of mine who worked with me with dogs - as well as attacking other dogs. She has a host of other issues too including severe separation anxiety and as a result is never left alone. I find her quite unpredictable as there is no obvious pattern to who/what she takes offence to, neither does she show good warning signs that she’s unhappy.
I’ve told my parents I’m unhappy for the dog to be around my children (age 5 and 1) and have asked them to keep her on-lead when I’ve let them around her indoors. They don’t respect mine and my husbands views on this and let go of the lead, or even try and actively encourage interaction between the dog and my kids. To be fair to the dog, however, she is around my niece and nephew regularly as my parents look after them and the dog hasn’t ever done anything to them.
My parents become incredibly defensive and emotional when it comes to their DDog. I find it difficult to talk to them without them flying off the handle. Because of this we only really see them when on holiday (without the dog) or when they visit us here. I’m trying to arrange to visit my home town (where parents live) but I’m finding it so stressful it’s making my physically sick. My mum will be offended that we won’t be staying with her, and in all likelihood we’ll only be able to see my mum and dad separately because of the dog.
AIBU to even consider going ahead with this planned visit?! I want to see my family, especially some older members of the family who haven’t really seen my children. Please help me, oh wise ones, as I truly can’t work out what to do. Thanks for reading!

You're qualified with dogs etc and have experience and they're your children so do whats right for you. What breed is it? Miniature daschund YABU - husky/akita/staffy etc etc YANBU. You're just going to have to be Frank with them particularly if they're ignoring your requests.

If you want to see your older members of your family then go. You might also have a nice time with your parents separately and without the dog!

I certainly wouldn't blame you for not wanting an unpredictable dog around your kids especially when they are 5 and 1!!

Go for the visit (only if you actually want to) and enjoy some dog free time . Just don't feel guilty for protecting your children.

Just no! Too much of a risk!

In all other respects my parents are kind, generous and loving parents and grandparents. They just have this complete and utter blind spot when it comes to this dog...
She is a lurcher, so a large breed, although with not particularly strong jaws. However if she were to “nip” my kids it would be right at face height!
My big worry is my parents overreacting and damaging our relationship over the bloody dog...! I’ve given them advice and equipment to crate train but they haven’t persevered.

Muzzle train the dog for whilst you’re there?

Put your behaviourist hat on and read back through what you have written.
Your parents refuse to control the dog, if you dont do as they say your Mum will become offended. No wonder you find it stressful.

Don't risk your kids being bitten, let your Mum have a tantrum and try to learn to distance yourself from her anger. Its her problem, and its of her making. Don't be afraid of making her upset.

What breed is it? Miniature daschund YABU - husky/akita/staffy etc etc YANBU.

Small dogs have teeth too, An unpredictable dog is an unpredictable dog - my nephew was 'nipped' in the face by a miniature dachshund - took 3 operations to sort out the damage. Small children oftne play on the floor and thier faces are on level even with a small dog.
OP I wouldn't stay at your parents house and I would tell them why. They may be upset, they love their dog, but you can;t risk your children getting bitten. They need to respect your expertise - you feel this dog would be unpredictable around your children - that's the end of the conversation. Go on your visit, stay in other accommodation and arrange plenty of fun days out and meet ups with your parents without the dog.