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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Don't want to disappoint in the bedroom

40 replies

BootySOS · 14/12/2021 19:27

NC for this.

I have met a man on a dating site. We have been chatting a lot and it's going well. Meeting up later this week.
It has got quite steamy over messages, we've been sexting.

I haven't mentioned I have kids and because I had them very young, it hasn't come up and I assume he thinks I'm child free, which would be the 'norm' at my age I guess. Or for whatever reason, it just hasn't been spoken about.

I'm worried that if we are as attracted to each other as we seem to be via messages and end up taking things to the next level.. my body will come as a horrible shock. My skin is loose around my stomach. Stretch marks. Hideously misshapen boobs. Lord knows what the current state of my downstairs is like as I haven't had sex in a long while but I am guessing it is not "tight". He has used this word while sexting. And I really don't know where to go from here.

AIBU to tell him, and explain why my body might not be that great.

Or, just carry on as I am. Enjoying it for a casual bit of fun relationship like I think we both want. And just try to be confident.

Or just cancel.

OP posts:

Chamomileteaplease · 14/12/2021 21:27

You seem to have got yourself into a situation where you are talking in a very sexualised way with someone you have never even met!

It's not time to worry about your body! Put that to the back of your mind.

Even if you do fancy him in person, and there is no guarantee, will you really want to sleep with a stranger on the first night?

Even "fun" relationships can build up a bit. You would be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position if you end up sleeping with him straightaway.

Meet him first. HOpefully have a fun evening. The issue of kids will come up naturally as will you finding out whether you like him or not.

Your body is not an issue because you will either fancy each other or you won't .

Icecreaminwinter · 14/12/2021 21:37

The problem with sexting before you’ve met is there is a risk you don’t like him on sight. Have a plan for what to do if that happens and don’t set up something you can’t get out of easily.

Icecreaminwinter · 14/12/2021 21:38

Re your body, definitely don’t say anything but I agree that you should tell Him you have children.

LightSpeeds · 14/12/2021 21:53

I'd tell him you've had children and maybe drop a few hints about your body and see if he still seems keen.

My boobs are still good, but I've had 5 kids and my stomach and legs look awful (especially my legs) but my last bf thought my body was great! He thought his body was disgusting but I loved it.

So, you really never know what someone else will think!

inthefrontroe · 14/12/2021 21:54

Don't feel obliged to have sex with him unless you both want to.
If you do want to have sex because you are overcome with lust, then you won't feel self-conscious in my experience.

FrancescaContini · 14/12/2021 21:56

He’s already asked about your “tight” vagina? Are you serious??

edification · 14/12/2021 21:58

Most men feel bloody lucky and agog to be presented with a willing, naked woman, so I really wouldn't worry

RickJames · 14/12/2021 22:06

The tight business would have finished me off, to be honest. I can't be arsed to be worrying about how tight or slack I am. I'm a person not a fucking fleshlight. I look great on the outside, imo, and I'm a nice person. The only person im prepared to get into the muscular intricacies of my 40-odd year old vadge is my gynaecologist.

Gross... move on.

WonderfulYou · 14/12/2021 22:08

The problem with sexting before you’ve met is there is a risk you don’t like him on sight.
Have a plan for what to do if that happens and don’t set up something you can’t get out of easily.

I agree and think this is why you’re getting nervous as you’ve agreed to have sex with him without even meeting him.

If you are unsure tell him you want to meet up first before meeting up a second time for sex - that way you don’t have to meet up with him again if you don’t want to.

Have you FaceTimed him?
If you’ve only seen photos he might not even look like you think he does!

feelsobadfeltsogood · 14/12/2021 22:11

@BootySOS

I really wouldn't worry
Sexting isn't what happens in real life it's all the talk and when it boils down to it I'm sure it'll be fine.

My FWB we've been on/off about 3 years now and we are both in our 40's and chat and have dinner, share a bottle of wine and have sex

No strings

But initially I think men sometimes don't put their point across properly and end up saying the wrong thing somehow

Starcup · 14/12/2021 22:34

Don’t be daft! If he doesn’t appreciate all of you, he doesn’t deserve any of you.

Most women have a body the same as yours!

Original poster

BootySOS · 14/12/2021 22:43

Thanks for the suggestion. Yes this week we have arranged just for drinks.
But I will take on board the suggestion of making it easy to get out of if it is not going well.

I haven't done anything like this before. I am quite the novice! Never 'sexted' before but it has been a lot of fun.
I have built it up a lot in my head. In my fantasy I guess I look a bit different.

OP posts:

BraveGoldie · 14/12/2021 23:27

We spend so much time worrying about if we are good enough for them....

How about spend your time working out if he is worthy of you?

DBI78 · 15/12/2021 02:21

If it's just sex don't tell him. We all come in all shapes and sizes.

If you are thinking relationship better to be upfront about kids.

Thatldo · 15/12/2021 02:43

Dont worry about what you look like naked.If you and him just look for sex without any commitment,it is just sex.anything else,looks,personality,if you have kids or not etc really is completely unimportant.meet him,have sex,say goodbye and carry on with your life.you are totally overthinking.

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