How MIL treats my kids

[DinosaurStompGrrrr]

My oldest child is not NT. My MIL has not ever paid much attention to him. She comes to our house and only engages when it suits MIL doesn’t know him and doesn’t seem to care.

My youngest child is NT and bright to boot (not that the oldest isn’t but has had intervention and support to help him access the curriculum) which MIL loves as she was a lecturer and thinks that academic performance is the height of everything (even if the person doesn’t actually ever do anything afterwards with it or their life in fact)…

Aibu to feel a little aggrieved that my MIL pores over the youngest, even instructing my oldest to ‘share’ his stuff (they share when necessary but it’s never necessary as the youngest will never miss out and I feel it’s more because of preference). Aibu to also slightly laugh when my oldest keeps calling her by a much more generic name than what she might be considering the fact that she is their grandmother?

I should add they are no where near each other in age so actually oldest sharing anything with youngest is absurd. They are at totally different stages - and would be even if both NT or not NT

What is NT?

National Trust

@Thomasina79 NeuroTypical.

OP i wouldn't be happy with this either, has your DH noticed this and/or brought it up with his Mum?

If not I think it might be time to point it out and explain your feelings.

@Thomasina79

Neurotypical or NT, an abbreviation of neurologically typical, is a neologism widely used in the autistic community as a label for non-autistic people. It refers to anyone who does not have any developmental disorders such as autism, developmental coordination disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder.

I would be getting your partner to have a word with his mother

If she continues to play favourites then I wouldn’t let her anywhere near either child

NT is neuro typical.

Favouritism is not acceptable from parents or grandparents so YANBU.

Even if your MIL finds your younger DC more interesting she should conceal it.

If she actually spent some time and energy with your older DC she might get to know him properly and appreciate him for who he is.

@Hilda40

National Trust

Don’t be a twat. @Thomasina79 NT means neurotypical, ie not a child with autism, ADHD.

I should add they are no where near each other in age so actually oldest sharing anything with youngest is absurd

Are they both her actual grandchildren? Just wondering if there is some backstory here that your eldest is from a previous relationship and your youngest is her son's DC.

Not, of course, that this would excuse her behaviour towards him but might make the situation clearer

@5foot5 no. Both hers. Gap due to health

Have you discussed it with your DH? Has he noticed too and, if so, what does he say?

Ahre with PP that in first instance he should be having a word with his Mum

My MIL is the same. It's her loss - she misses out on so much because she doesn't know the real him.

Mine pretends everything is fine because she is embarrassed by his condition. In my experience you are wasting energy on her attitude. We don't see her very much and she then misses out on seeing my DD too!