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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Always the visitor

14 replies

Rushingrushing · 14/12/2021 18:13

I have a 9 month old baby (technically 6 month old, was 3 months premature). I have a big family, lots of aunts/uncles, cousins, then there's the baby's grandparents on both sides. We all live close less than 7km from each other. That doesn't seem bad but it's Dublin suburb and traffic is just always heavy no matter what time of the day. Every single family member can drive and has a car.
My problem is they all want to see DS at least once a week but I seem to always be going to them. I have DS in a perfect routine at home for feeds, naps and have all of the things I need in my house for him. When I go to visit I have to pack a bag with food, bottle prep, change of clothes etc (he has reflux), toys, pram and get him in and out of the car, sitting in traffic. If he sleeps in the car, he wakes as soon as I lift the seat out and then gets cranky. At home he's always happy and playing but visiting people he's always out of sorts. He doesn't make strange so it's not the people, I think it's more the surroundings.
AIBU to tell people that it's too much hassle and if they want to see him they can arrange to come here instead?
I will still visit people but when it suits us. I think it's crazy that none of them can see how much harder it is for me to do all of this rather than them quickly jump in the car empty handed and drop in here for an hour??

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 14/12/2021 18:16

Tell them to come to you if they want to see the baby

IamnotSethRogan · 14/12/2021 18:17

Yeah just tell them to come to you

galacticpixels · 14/12/2021 18:18

Just say what you said here - it's too much hassle to get the baby out all the time but you'd be happy for them to call over. They're very unreasonable to be asking you to come to them all the time.

Startrooper · 14/12/2021 18:18

Tell them to come to you. If there is elderly grandparents who might struggle to come to to you then I’d make an exception for them.

FenceSplinters · 14/12/2021 18:18

Maybe they think you are enjoying getting out. Just tell them to come to you.

Chely · 14/12/2021 18:21

We did this when 1st timers, 2nd onward we did what suited us. People were not happy about it and we did have a few that threw a wobbly but it was better for our family unit.

Original poster
Rushingrushing · 14/12/2021 18:28

Thanks everyone. I have tried a few times to suggest they come here but somehow it never happens. I will need to say it direct instead of suggesting it and hoping that they agree.
There has been a smart remark from grandparents over video call, saying to DS "you don't know us" this was because I didn't drop in one week and then grandparents were close contacts so another 2 weeks passed but that's not my fault.
The only elderly grandparent is my 92 year old granny and I have absolutely no problem visiting her with DS.

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 14/12/2021 18:30

Yes say directly 'welcome to come to us at X time on X day. It is easier if we are at home for now, rather than visiting. Be great to see you let me know if you'll be coming'.

Twopenny · 14/12/2021 18:31

Do you invite them?

This may have come about because it's polite for them to invite you to their houses, but not for them to invite themselves round to yours,

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 14/12/2021 18:32

So it never happens. Let them deal with that. You visit who you wnat on your own schedule.

Smart remarks get smart responses "You know where we live grampy"

And at some point say it again... you will not continue dragging yourself and the baby and all of his tsuff round when they all know where you live and can get to you!

You are his adult now. It is allowed that you cut the apron strings tying you to your own parents. Honest!

MadeOfStarStuff · 14/12/2021 18:33

Stop doing it then! Invite them to yours, but make it clear you won’t be doing all the travelling anymore. If they’re close enough that they want to see you every week then they’ll make the effort.

Scarby9 · 14/12/2021 18:33

One of our family sayings from about 50 years ago is 'But it's less far for you to come to us'.
Said by an aunt who always wanted us to visit her rather than making the (equivalent length) journey to us.
My parents never cracked that one but I encourage you to try!
'Your turn this time. Would Monday or Tuesday afternoon suit you better?'
'

thesockfromtheroof · 14/12/2021 18:45

@Rushingrushing

Thanks everyone. I have tried a few times to suggest they come here but somehow it never happens. I will need to say it direct instead of suggesting it and hoping that they agree. There has been a smart remark from grandparents over video call, saying to DS "you don't know us" this was because I didn't drop in one week and then grandparents were close contacts so another 2 weeks passed but that's not my fault. The only elderly grandparent is my 92 year old granny and I have absolutely no problem visiting her with DS.

'Aw, poor granny. She thinks you don't know her because she never visits you! Silly granny hahaha'

To your DS.

While on video call.

In the most sickly sweet voice you can muster.

Chloemol · 14/12/2021 18:47

Just say no

“Sorry that won’t work you us, how about you come to me xx””

You put your child first, not the relatives

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